I have questions about the usefulness of therapy in BPD patients

[Diddle]

My dHwBPD has had a telephone consultation for therapy this week. He has been on anti depressants for the last 6 wks and has been much calmer, but i know his issues are not even started to be resolved.
My question is how can therapy help him, if what he believes to be true may not be?

I see BPD traits in his father and his brothers. So suspect that this is something he has grown up with. He told me this morning that the therapist asked him if he’d hone through anything traumatic previously. He replied that his first marriage was traumatic (oh how i wish i could speak to his first wife) apparently she in a moment of anger she held a knife at him.

Now as someone who has been on the receiving end of his BPD i can see how she got to this level of anger. But he only see’s the knife incident and not what came before.

Can therapy make a difference?

[globalnomad]

This is a question that I'd also love to know the answer to. My sense is that BPD patients are an enormous challenge for therapists. My wife tried a couple but hasn't gone for several years now. She is convinced that all therapists are phonies selling nonsense techniques; none of them can understand her; and they just want her money. When we went to couple's therapy she quit as soon as the therapist started to (very very gently) unpeel some of the core issues we were dealing with. I think it just evoked too much shame and that shame quickly turned to rage. I think success in therapy requires a real willingness for honest self reflection -- is that even possible for most suffers of BPD? I don't know.

It's good to hear the anti-depressants are working for your partner. Every little thing helps.

[Cat Familiar]

My husband has traits of BPD and doing couples therapy for a year was rather unproductive. When I asked him to go with me, he thought that it was a precursor to divorce. We were able to slightly improve our communication, but not much else was accomplished, to my disappointment.

I'd done personal therapy before and had found it to be very beneficial, so I had high hopes. He thought the psychologist was siding with me and that we were ganging up on him to "beat him up."

Ultimately what was beneficial was when I returned a couple of years later to do individual therapy with the same psychologist. I was exceedingly frustrated with him and I needed help coping. Around the same time, I joined BPDfamily. She told me that he has a personality disorder and participating in therapy as well as posting here, really brought me to a place of calm reflection, where I didn't add fuel to the fire and make things worse.

What I've learned since is that it takes a great commitment on the part of the pwBPD to participate in therapy, which sadly, many people are unwilling to make. Also it takes a skilled therapist who understands personality disorders, and many are reluctant to take on such a client. In fact, some therapists who do, will seek therapy for themselves, because these types of clients are so difficult. DBT has been one of the best options for therapy for people with BPD, but unfortunately it's not available in many places.

My husband decided to go to therapy because of difficulties with his two sisters. I found a psychologist and he went to see him. I figured a psychologist would perhaps be more experienced with personality disorders and my husband is extremely intelligent, and is able to out-think most people.

Unbeknownst to my husband, I called this psychologist after he'd seen my husband for a couple of sessions and told him that I suspected BPD and gave him evidence to back up my thought process. My husband can come across as extremely polished and professional and I wanted to give his therapist a heads up. He was very thankful and gracious for the information.

My husband continued to see him for a while, then ended his sessions, to my great disappointment. I did see improvement, but I was hoping he'd stay in therapy longer. A year or two later he went back to see him again and did several months of therapy. I do believe that it helped. It seemed that he has a longer fuse before he gets angry, he doesn't personalize as much others' behavior, and he seems a bit calmer and more at peace.

[formflier]

In my case, my pwBPD (FFw) has benefited greatly from "psychological knowledge" that is not "aimed at her".

In prior years she has done couples therapy with me and also done some individual work, yet by and large it all went "BPDish" at some point and she quit...of course blaming everyone else.

Well, she is now an elementary teacher in a school that pulls students from "bad areas".  So...kids (2nd and 3rd grade) that are allowed to room free at night, or one kid had the dad killed in local jail and tons of police responses.

I've lost count of how many social services reports she has made (mandatory reporter stuff).  Once I find out that has happened, I usually shift my evening to be fully supportive of her and double down on "fun family stuff".

Anyway, my wife has a real knack for motivating troubled kids.  This kid needs praise...this kid needs to be in the front row...back row, sit in special seat..etc etc.

Her test score improvements are off the charts, to the point where principals from other schools are calling and asking about her methods.

Anyway, she was asked to join the "crisis team" that has special training to calm out of control children.  Apparently there are only a few people in each school that are allowed/trained to physically restrain children.

Well...so lots of training with psychologists and then out of nowhere the random conversation starters from my wife are about the importance of validation...avoiding invalidation. 

I had to keep my poker face when she started telling me about dysregulations and peoples amygdala getting all out of whack.  Letting kids spend time in a "calming corner" and talking to them in 15 minutes or 30 mintues works wonders...

I can tell she has taken some of this onboard.  Of course there is nothing wrong with her amygdala..but mine...oh FFs is all out of control. 

The positive change is undeniable. 

Bottom line.  It's rare that I hear about pwBPD that go to therapy for themselves.  However..."for issues with their sisters" or "work" or about someone else...that is a bit more common.



Best,

FF