Spouse w/ BPD demands divorce, then showers me with affection

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

Background: My kind-of-ex-wife has told me repeatedly over the last 2 years that she wants a divorce. She would go months on end without talking to me, unless she absolutely needed to, no physical contact, no emotional contact. Nothing. Then, when I finally get up the nerve to try and ask her what is wrong she unloads on me telling my how much a bad person I am and that she wants a divorce.

I don't try and fight her on this,  I agree with her accusations, and to the divorce. After this happens, I try and remain secluded from her in the house and leave her alone. I do not want to be in the same room with her, have idle chit chat, or sleep in the same bed. After 1-2 days of me trying to being to disentangle myself from her, she begins to try and engage with me. Buying me my favorite candy, asking me to go on a walk, and finally telling me that she still wants me around, to hang out with me, to make love, be affectionate, etc.. She goes from completely ignoring me emotionally and physically to by hyper-loving and sexual. All the time, she is still maintaining that she wants a divorce and is actively seeing other people. This is a cycle that has repeated off and on for over two years. She has just recently started this cycle again. I do not know how to break free from this or even WHY she would act in such a manner if she really wants a divorce. We are also stuck in the same house for a while until she can get a job, at which point she says she will be moving out. I am so confused...

[ivanbelk]

Hello,

Background: My kind-of-ex-wife has told me repeatedly over the last 2 years that she wants a divorce. She would go months on end without talking to me, unless she absolutely needed to, no physical contact, no emotional contact. Nothing. Then, when I finally get up the nerve to try and ask her what is wrong she unloads on me telling my how much a bad person I am and that she wants a divorce.

I don't try and fight her on this,  I agree with her accusations, and to the divorce. After this happens, I try and remain secluded from her in the house and leave her alone. I do not want to be in the same room with her, have idle chit chat, or sleep in the same bed. After 1-2 days of me trying to being to disentangle myself from her, she begins to try and engage with me. Buying me my favorite candy, asking me to go on a walk, and finally telling me that she still wants me around, to hang out with me, to make love, be affectionate, etc.. She goes from completely ignoring me emotionally and physically to by hyper-loving and sexual. All the time, she is still maintaining that she wants a divorce and is actively seeing other people. This is a cycle that has repeated off and on for over two years. She has just recently started this cycle again. I do not know how to break free from this or even WHY she would act in such a manner if she really wants a divorce. We are also stuck in the same house for a while until she can get a job, at which point she says she will be moving out. I am so confused...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.