Please advise,

[Jenia]

Hello,
My son is 18 years old. Suffers from BPD.
He suffers a lot and i suffer not finding the way to help him.
I will highly appreciate any advice or tip that you could share. It seems that things get harder and harder and no solutions so far.
He wants to end his life as he lost his hope of being able to recover.
Thanks in advance!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[WritingLife]

My son has felt this way. He is 24 and we just figured out he is suffering from BPD. About a year and a half ago he got drunk at a family wedding and I found him sitting outside all alone and looking so sad. I sat down next to him and asked him if he was ok. He started crying. He said, "I just want to die." And I said, "this is why you can't drink." And he said, "I feel like this all the time." This was a huge wakeup call for me and him.

He asked me for help. It has been a HUGE struggle since then. We have done everything, many things he has cooperated with such as diet and lifestyle changes. Trying to get healthy. He had suffered a bike accident about a month before the wedding so we assumed that maybe he was feeling that way due to head injury. In March of this year, he lost his job because of restaurant closures and since then things have just gotten more intense and his symptoms have become like a red flag waving at us all. His moods went from mild intolerance to rapid cycling ups and downs. He was understandably frustrated that he wasn't "getting better." He loved me and then hated me. Loved his siblings, then hated them. I recently learned that he was cutting. He told me he did it to relieve the pain caused by his ruminating thoughts. I'd been speaking to a therapist for myself because it was all taking a toll on me. I told her about his behavior. She led me to BPD. We looked at his entire life and it all made sense.

The fact that my son wanted help made the possibility of a diagnosis a relief for him. If your son wants help, that is a good thing, and step one. We are still working on getting my son into treatment. He agreed he would do it when he was having a good couple of days and then he backed out. I cling to the fact that he knows something is wrong and needs to be treated-- wants to feel better! I feel very encouraged by the potential of DBT therapy and hope I can get him seen. Maybe if you talk to your son about it and the fact that it is supposed to be one of the only things to work -- meaning there may be a way to get him out of that pain and suffering -- he will consider the therapy? Obviously people with BPD are predictably unpredictable so it would require the right timing and the right words, but please give it a try. Let him know that he can get better. It may take a while and some hard work, but it is possible.

You are not alone. I am right here with you.

 

[beatricex]

hi Jenia and Writinglife,
I think when it is your child, and they are suicidal, and in the precarious years (teen to 20's), it is not enough to say "read this book, your eyes will be opened to Borderline."

Not to say that reading books didn't help me with my BPD'd mother.  But, she is mostly narcissitic, with some borderline tendencies now, and was never (to my knowledge) suicidal.   At her worst, it was hell, don't get me wrong, but I believe I'm through the worst of it.

DBT is an excellent idea, and there is some good information here. You will be happy to hear the success rate is actually quite high, if you can get your son into it.  Also, the worse off the BPD'd person, the greater progress (in the studies cited here).

https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/webinars/

 

b