Not sure What or Who to Believe

[Bulldog88]

Hello,
This site is new to me, just my second post.  My mid 20 year old has struggled with SMI for many years now, and I am beginning to think that BPD seems a more fitting diagnosis than BP.   When the struggles really started to show, I felt I had a very close relationship with my loved one, and the healthcare providers always included the "family support" as a positive.  But, for the last 4 years, my child has been seeing a new therapist and psychiatrist, of his choosing, and the dynamics have really changed.  He has now broken off all contact with everyone in the family, with the exception of myself.  He maintains limited contact with me.  He blames all  of his problems on his upbringing, stating that all of his relationships were toxic, and that he was emotionally abused his whole life.  He is alleging that he was sexually abused by a family member, yet when asked for details, offers nothing.  The alleged person vehemently denies these claims, and, considering the fact that nothing like this has ever been on the radar, and I know that the claims made against me are false, I have trouble accepting this story.  I honestly, in a million years would not have seen this coming. Current therapist seems to support these claims, and, in my mind feels that my loved one's struggles are a direct result of his upbringing.   I have asked to be included in a session, to discuss this, but I am always denied. 
To make a long story short, I am completely torn.  How do I go about getting to the truth?  This seems like a no-win situation.   Has anyone been in a similar situation, and can offer any advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BonnieW]

Hi Bulldog

Your story is similar to mine.  My daughter and I were very close until she started seeing a therapist; it seemed that when the therapist started to examine her childhood, my daughter took this to mean that her childhood was very bad. Now she blames me for many of her problems, calls me neglectful, abusive and cruel.  It seems that I never did anything right for her and still don't treat her well.  I've tried to be supportive and helpful, but she doesn't appreciate what I do; only criticizes me for what she expects I should do but don't do for her.  I became very depressed and sought out my own therapist.  My therapist recommended is that I put some distance between my daughter and I.  I have also established boundaries and no longer tolerate the abuse that she has put me through in the past.  It is very sad, but is a helpful coping strategy.  My depression is reduced and I'm enjoying my life again without conflict and confrontation.

I also suggested that we meet her therapist together, but it hasn't happened yet (the request was made in September)  I doubt that she will follow through because I'm sure her therapist believes her lies and exaggerations and she prefers it that way.  She likes to be a victim and wouldn't want anyone to hear the truth.

Perhaps a meeting with a therapist would be helpful for you?  I have found the information from a mental health professional is invaluable.

Best of luck  ~B