Am I the crazy one?

[Peace and Calm]

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me in a fit of rage. He told me he gets anxious and tense but it comes out as anger towards me. Once he bent the key to my home but to this day denies it. Our relationship had been a roller coaster and I am always the one trying to calm him down after he is the one losing his mind and yelling over small things. But I like things happy and when he’s unhappy and mad it causes unrest in my body until things are good again. He is thoughtful and when he is in the right mood we have a lot of fun together and have common interests.

He is now doing a silent treatment towards me and telling me he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore which he hasn’t done before.

When I think with my head, I know I should let this go, but my emotions get the better of me and I find myself trying to make things good again and apologizing for everything he tells me I do wrong. Which I honestly feel, what he accuses me of is what he is doing to me.

I have asked him to meditate, to take medication, to see a therapist but he sees nothing wrong with how he acts and blames me for how he treats me and tells me I should be more gentle when he’s upset.

Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this? Should I just walk away? Is there a better approach I should use towards him? If I walk away, how has anyone who has done it, got themselves to let it go?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mamascomeundone]

 
Peace and Calm,

No, you are not crazy. I was married to someone with BPD for 14.5 years but should have ended it it long before that. We had 3 children who have all been diagnosed with BPD, they are all in their 20's. Two of them are in relationships. My daughter has been with her boyfriend going on 10 years, he has stuck with her through hell and back. My son and his girlfriend have been together a little over 3 years, and both of them have BPD.

I suggest reading books on BPD, doing research on it and familiarizing yourself with the signs and symptoms, as well as what you can do to make it easier on both of you. Also, if you plan on sticking by his side, get yourself a therapist. Preferably one who treats BPD. BPD is extremely difficult to deal with, not impossible but you will have to decide for yourself if you are in this for the long haul or not. Remember the only person you can change is yourself.

That being said, you have a choice to make. Either leave now or stay and prepare yourself.

Best of luck to you.

[Peace and Calm]

Thank you very much for your reply.

Your words meant a lot and the part about the only one you can change is yourself.

I am going to try and leave. I told him today that I don’t think we should be in contact.

It’s sad because in the beginning he was amazing and I never felt so loved, but as my friends remind me, that was 2 years ago.

I wish you the best.
Thank you.