New to this group

[Chezmare]

My daughter is 35 years old and was diagnosed with BPD several years ago. I have recently learned she is accusing me of abusing her during her childhood which is a shocking and horrifying allegation.  I have checked with her sister, her half-sister, family and friends who spent a lot of time in my home during her childhood, no one saw signs or experience abuse.  I am at a loss.  She wants me to sit in a room with her so that she can tell me all the way in which I abused her.  I simply have no clue how to speak to her.  I don't even recognize her anymore. I just ordered the book about not walking on eggshells.  What advice does anyone have?  Has anyone been through the same scenario?  It is earth-shaking for me.  Many thanks,

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Isabel2]

I don't know if I have any advice but claiming past abuse seems to be very common.  Our daughter has claimed abuse by our entire family, physical abuse from her dad and multiple types of abuse from her past boyfriends.  When she was living in our house we had cameras put in common areas as proof against what she was saying...that did help stop some of her strange behaviors in the house but not claims of abuse.  But we did have videos to show the therapist when needed as proof against her claims.  Since your child is an adult, as is our daughter now,  it is difficult.  We have communicated a lot with extended family so they are aware of her BPD and what is happening - our boundaries and assistance offered to her.  One of the things I struggle with the most is her claims on social media...such as we don't give her money and she has no food and requesting people to venmo her money...when she has a ton of money in the bank.  The public embarrassment is difficult with these false claims.  I am sorry you are in this situation and wish you the best of luck.