Hello

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi,

 I have a 20 year old daughter with BPD.
Three years ago her father who has bipolar disorder, finally lost control of his condition after not taking care of himself  properly for about six years, he walked out of a 25 year old marriage, got a new place to live and started dating someone, After a year of separation the divorce went through in 2019. I have recently started dating for the first time in 28 years.
     My daughter went through the divorce during her senior year of high school - She went from having a mom who was working part time and fairly stable family economics to having a mom who was an emotional mess, healing from knee replacement surgery, to a healing person looking for full time work, then a mom who was working full time for the first time since she was a baby.  My job paid much less than my husband's, we lost our health insurance, and my husband lost his job and was unwilling and then unable to pay child support or alimony. 
   In early 2019 my daughter was diagnosed with BPD, she was in a great practice with good Doctors and therapists who use DBT therapy groups. For the first part of her treatment I was part of a parent group which was helpful but since I was dealing with my own issues I didn't know how to take advantage of it as well as I would now. Then she turned 18 and I no longer had that support at a key time when she was trying to come to terms with things. She turned 20 in May and I'm trying to learn how to live with her and it's very hard, she is capable of being thoughtful and aware of her condition and uses her skills well, moments later she is splitting and angry at me jumping down rabbit hole arguments I thought we had solved and telling me I never apologize, don't care, that she hates me, etc. She threatens suicide, is very focused on her health but not really on improving it, tells me how to run my life tries to control as much of the life in our house as she can including throwing fits  about a wide range of things from my having a dating life to the way the dishwasher is loaded. It's always interesting at my house.

[LearningHuman]

Hi,

 I have a 20 year old daughter with BPD.
Three years ago her father who has bipolar disorder, finally lost control of his condition after not taking care of himself  properly for about six years, he walked out of a 25 year old marriage, got a new place to live and started dating someone, After a year of separation the divorce went through in 2019. I have recently started dating for the first time in 28 years.
     My daughter went through the divorce during her senior year of high school - She went from having a mom who was working part time and fairly stable family economics to having a mom who was an emotional mess, healing from knee replacement surgery, to a healing person looking for full time work, then a mom who was working full time for the first time since she was a baby.  My job paid much less than my husband's, we lost our health insurance, and my husband lost his job and was unwilling and then unable to pay child support or alimony. 
   In early 2019 my daughter was diagnosed with BPD, she was in a great practice with good Doctors and therapists who use DBT therapy groups. For the first part of her treatment I was part of a parent group which was helpful but since I was dealing with my own issues I didn't know how to take advantage of it as well as I would now. Then she turned 18 and I no longer had that support at a key time when she was trying to come to terms with things. She turned 20 in May and I'm trying to learn how to live with her and it's very hard, she is capable of being thoughtful and aware of her condition and uses her skills well, moments later she is splitting and angry at me jumping down rabbit hole arguments I thought we had solved and telling me I never apologize, don't care, that she hates me, etc. She threatens suicide, is very focused on her health but not really on improving it, tells me how to run my life tries to control as much of the life in our house as she can including throwing fits  about a wide range of things from my having a dating life to the way the dishwasher is loaded. It's always interesting at my house.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello LearningHuman.

    Welcome to the bpdfamily community. The traits you describe are familiar to me, especially the sudden outbursts and posture of telling others in the family how to conduct their lives. Our BPD, since early childhood, has appeared to “know it all.” It is so draining and hurtful, we know. What activities do you enjoy, that provide refreshment in this rough and tumultuous course of parenthood?