BPD Daughter

[Tyedye]

Hello, my 25 year old daughter has BPD and just was thrown out by her boyfriend.  They have a 4yo boy together.  She is having trouble coping as this is her 1st time living independently.  I helped her get an apartment and move.  Now I'm helping her with getting financial aid for her and her son.  She has help from his other grandparents with babysitting.  But she is calling me all hours saying how she is a failure and will never make it on her own.  She has family (my sibs) who will help her and  a cousin.  She is not alone and her financial situation is not dire thanks to an inheritance.  She's really way better off than most folks going through a breakup.  But she cannot see it.  How do I break her dependence on me.  I've already told her she cannot call late as I have a day job.  This is draining me.  Any suggestions are appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Pandan]

Boy, it sounds like we are experiencing close to the same thing. My daughter is 24 and has a three year old and a 1 year old. Her husband told her he was done with her and she chose to move out but now she doesn't know what to do. Right now she is blaming me for the break up because I called her out on not taking care of her kids (and somehow that translates to her husband telling her he is done?) so luckily she isn't talking to me but she is bombarding her dad in my stead. Hang in there and set whatever boundaries you can. It is tough!

[Tyedye]

Thanks for the reply.  Mine is mad at me now too.  I told her I would not put up with her telling me how horrible I was and that she could not trust me.  Because I set this boundary, she has refused to talk to me, well at least since last night.  Honestly its been a nice break.  I hate to imagine what she is doing to the others in her life right now that I have been removed as a target.  I'm not sure if I should keep trying to help her or just remove myself.  As I don't seem to get anywhere!  But thanks.  Feels good to know I'm not alone.

[Pandan]

So it's been a week since I posted. There have been a lot of ups and downs. I had a few days reprieve with my daughter not talking to me but she is back now and although not being quite as mean she does a lot of little jabs. It just makes me so tired. I have an appointment with a new therapist to help me through all of this on Friday. Hoping it goes well. Hope you are hanging in there.

[Maggie H]

Hello everybody, newbie here. I dread the day when the situation y'all describe (daughter having to leave apartment) arrives at my door. (Literally.) I feel for you.  -- Fortunately, I have no way to help her financially anymore, so that may decrease the amount of time she spends harassing me. Right now we're NC per her wishes.  I'm so relieved. She's been either viciously verbally abusive or in crisis & needing help for the past month.  I am worn out.  I'm 66 and she's 28.  My health has been progressively damaged for 20 years. Her deceased father (covert narcissist) is The Saint, & I am The Bitch. Thanks for letting me share.  Maggie H

[Lopezmama]

Similar story here. I’m mostly concerned about my grandson. She complains about how hard it is to look after him and pawns him off repeatedly. Daycare 4 days, me 1- 2days, baby daddy 1-2 days. This leaves her with 1 day a week to look after him!  I’d adopt him if I could but I just don’t have the energy. Will having g-son 1-2days a week be enough? Should I give in and take him more often? What do you all think?