How to handle the "good" times?

[Bara]

We have someone visiting us so things are going well in terms of calm in the household. This calm period has made me start to doubt myself. "Is her behavior really that bad?" "What if it really is me that is the problem here?" "Wow, it's possible..."

I feel like I'm being lulled into a false sense of security, but I really want to believe it's real. \

How do you all deal with periods of happiness? For me I am being really hard on myself for any frustration or negative emotion I feel. It's almost like I'm not allowed to be human when things are good or else I'm wasting the opportunity.

Is it common in these times of calm to start blaming myself for my uBPD wife's behavior in times of chaos?

Sincerely,
Feeling Unsure

[sterlingblue]

I relate to this so much!  It's remarkable how quickly we forget our BPD's past behavior when times are good.

"Blaming myself for my wife's behavior".  I relate to this also, but when you really analyze this phrase, it's quite a distorted way to think!

When times are good, I would suggest trying to be present and enjoy the moment.  Don't let thoughts of the past or thoughts of the future cloud the present.

But also, don't let the good times raise your expectations about the future.  The secret to happiness is low expectations.

[BigOof]

I replay the videos and recordings to myself when I find myself letting my guard down. Then I think about my freedom and how I enjoy it.

Don't make unforced errors. Let the BPD make unforced errors. You have to remain above reproach.

[CoherentMoose]

Heh, Big Oof, I liked this: Don't make unforced errors. Let the BPD make unforced errors.

Exactly.  Enjoy it while things are calm preparing for the coming storm(s).  CoMo

[15years]

I too feel this. Now that I secretly want out the good moments makes me question why I'm having thoughts about divorce. So in a sense I'm feeling better when she's being unreasonable, because then I can fantasize about freedom without conflicting feelings.

And when she's friendly and want to talk about random things like zodiac signs or body types I might get really irritated and I'm trying hard to hide it. Inside I'm wondering why am I feeling like this, there must be something wrong with me.

Now I'm thinking the good times is part of the problem, they don't understand you or see your perspective then either.

[alleyesonme]

Great question, and I think a lot of us here can identify with this. Even in the weeks leading up to my separation from my ex, we still had some decent days. One tip is to figure out a way to confidentially document all of the extreme behaviors. By all means, enjoy the rare good times. But by being able to refer back to your thoughts and the facts surrounding her extreme behaviors, you'll be able to remind yourself of how seriously disordered she really is.

[BigOof]

If you don't think she has issues (BPD), wait three minutes.