Heart is broken...

[cewes01]

My heart is broken..It's been 10 years of this...begging my daughter (age 39)to be able to visit etc. Letting us a while ago get close to grandchildren only to completely refuse to allow. I have shed so many tears.

For the last 10 years we've walked on eggshells trying to make her happy...letting her say all kinds of awful things to us and then cut us off from visiting.The only time she might stop is when she wants something ...from us financially...which we happily give for the moments of closeness we are allowed to be near her and make her happy.  Then out of the blue ...boom she hates us we are awful stay away on and on. I've asked what is it I have done and she can never name anything except say I am an awful person ... I apologize and also let her know how much we love her and sorry we've hurt her .(I have never spoken a mean word to her in her entire life).

The most hurtful is when she cuts us off from visiting with grandchildren. We never know how long that will last and always wonder if we will never be able to see them again. When allowed to see them we have been able to bond with them in the past when they were younger. We are always loving and try to make them happy.

For a while during this pandemic we were allowed to alexa them and they us but she no longer allows it. The other day my 9 year old grandson called and said mommy was out so that was why he called. The 7 year old says mommy does not like it when we are there.  One time on the alexa she was so abusive to me the 7 year old said "you are just being mean" .

She has a history of arguing and aggression. She does the same thing to her sister. She went to a great university and got a good job but could not keep it due to arguing. Then she got another good job and would come into work late or not at all ... she does not work because she cannot  get along with people. She ends up fighting with everyone.

My husband who is 73 (with a heart condition)and the kindest man you could know calls her once a week and leaves a message tells her he love her she never returns the calls. At first it was just me she would do this too, now she treats him the same way.

This last week he called her and said can we just come over and drop off some gifts we got you all...we will not stay. She texted back "leave me alone...I don't want your gifts "

That is where we are...so much more has gone on over the years with trying to help her and understand why this has happened. Now my heart is broken and so is my husbands...wondering if this is it will we always be broken hearted. Just wondering how do others go on...with this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[adoptivemama]

That sounds so hard. You must have formed an attachment to the kids? How difficult to pull away from that! I can't even imagine. This really helps me to look into my own future and put boundaries up with regard to caring for future grandkids. I think it might be easier to expect no relationship with them at all, and to refuse to care for my daughter's child/ren except under the circumstance that she turn over custody of them to me. She is likely to want to dump them on me in times of emotional storms because she's always claimed to hate children and hasn't wanted them. I was glad that she had a solid form of birth control but now she has recently stopped using birth control and is saying that she's not opposed to getting pregnant. I think it's because she'd like to snare her boyfriend into a long term commitment. Tragedy.