How, if your BPD person, get help, go to counseling

[somuchlove]

Did your loved one get counseling? How did it happen? Or do you just go through life watching families, kids struggle living with a BPD person.  Do you let that BPD person, my daughter suffer as well because she doesn't get help? 

My one daughter feels through lots of reading and visiting with a couple friends that are in counseling as a profession that there may be ,medicine to help and she is asking if we are doing the right thing for my daughter and her kids.  Are we enabliling and hurting the kids and my daughter as well?  If tables were turned I think my daughter, with BPD would do anything she could to help me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

We hear you and completely understand this heartache.  I have to run right now, but wanted to leave you with something to read:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

Getting an adult into therapy is painfully hard.  We have to rely on boundaries.  I will come back later with more thoughts.  You are not alone.

[somuchlove]

Thank you so much.  I can only imagine how busy you are in life and then taking time to respond on this site. 
I am reading the information you gave me.

My other daughter said that she has read that there is medication, treatment etc. for BPD.  I keep reading how you build relationships to possible end in getting someone to treatment.  I have continued through out the years to do this.  I do feel I am able to use some of the tools to keep communication open and helping sometimes my BPD daughter but it hasn't helped with all her children has gone through.  I really feel my two older ones think we have abandon them as we haven't changed their mom.  I have given them info on what is going on with their mom but they are just not able to completely process it as they are just done.  She has been so crewl  to them and yet they know she has done so many things for them.  Sacrificed a lot of things for them, stood strong to deal with their Dad.  Oh so many good things she does.  It is just her craziness and inablity to deal with situations has become upmost  in their minds. 

Yesterday my daughter text, again in one of those episodes triggered by the boys arguing and getting her 4th grade daughter off to school.  I understand how this works and try to listen, reinforce , validating her feelings.  A new add to her list of things is she is going to send her daughter off to her dad's, of which she has no relationship with, and I know she wouldn't ever really do that, but also saying maybe we need to take her as she is so scared she is going to mess up her daughter like she has messed up her boys and how they hate her, etc etc etc.   I didn't know if to take that opening to suggest our granddaughter come be with us to finish off school.  Give my daughter time to collect all else going on.  One thing our daughter has said always is that she knows her kids could be taken away from her or we would.  ( this is kind of a PTSD thing with the child custody years ago).  Of which her ex did  horrible things to scare her.  He didn't get custody of course but it is in her mind. 

I am going to stop now as I could write a book on all of this.  I feel our granddaughter is really being affected and she would be better off at this point, with us for now.  She is having trouble in school, feels she is bullied, etc.  Oh my it is just so hard.  How do we help these wonderful grandkids. 

[Swimmy55]

The best way to help the adult is to help ourselves.  We are just as important as they are , and this often gets forgotten in the chaos.  There are other grandparents here that can chime in.  In the meantime, coming here for support is a great first step. 

[somuchlove]

Swimmy55,  I appreciate the importance of taking care of "me".   And I have done a lot of healing and gone through counseling, sole searching and reading and I am taking care of "me" for sure.  That being said,  I feel I have accomplished some pretty substancial things in my life by making changes in policies in our school, getting better settings for kids that are needy, etc.  Not bragging.  But what I am trying say is,  I am driven to figure out how to do the best I can do to get my daughter help so she can enjoy her life, her children and they all can have a wonderful life that I have had.

I just don't seem to see specific things.  I may be impatient and I know that isn't the best way to be.

Thanks so much to everyone here.