Have just found this forum

[Tristiana]

Hello everyone. I can't begin to describe my emotions. I am in my early 60s. My ex-partner and I were together for 13 years and have been separated for more than 20 years. We have been living together since we separated apart from the first couple of years. I have always blamed myself for the difficulties we had and still have in our relationship. When we were together I tried my best to please him and avoid conflict, and still do. He could be affectionate and fun, but also depressed, hypercritical, sullen etc. I got hold of the Walking on Eggshells book because that's how I feel -- walking on eggshells. I always worry I will do something that could trigger anger or criticism or the silent treatment, even little things like how I fold a tea towel. It never occurred to me that he might have BPD; I didn't know that was what the book was about until I opened it. But reading the anecdotes and checklists -- it's my life! Not physical violence or even verbal abuse, just anger (often irrational), emotional abuse, blaming, controlling etc. He has no family and worries about being homeless. I have been supporting him financially since a few years after we separated. He sees a psychiatrist in relation to abuse he suffered as a child, but I don't think BPD is on the horizon in the therapy. I know it's bad to 'diagnose' people yourself, but I couldn't believe how close the behaviours in the book were to what I'm experiencing. I don't want to abandon him, and he has no one else. I have no one I can confide in about this in my friends and family.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[alterK]

Hi Tristiana, and welcome to the forums! Most of us get her through roundabout routes, as you did. You're correct, we don't make diagnoses, but the behavior you're describing definitely sounds BPD-ish, and we can say that. Pretty much everyone here has been through, and most are still struggling with, similar situations. What you will find here is fellow-feeling, and some suggestions for coping with specific problems. You might consider switching to the "Detaching and learning" or "Conflicted about continuing" forums.