NEWBIE TO THE GROUP

[ConfusedMom2022]

Hi Everyone -
I am brand new to this group.  My 21 year old daughter has been diagnosed with BPD, and I am trying to learn how best to deal with things.
She has brought so much stress and grief into our home and family.  It is so sad.  We adopted her when she was just over a year old so I think she also may be suffering from some sort of attachment issues. 
She is on medication and sees a therapist weekly.  I also see a therapist weekly.
There are days when things go smoothly, and then all of a sudden she gets triggered and no matter what I say or do is wrong.  She gets super nasty and calls me all sorts of horrible names.  I know I should not take it personally, and after so long I should be used to it, but it still hurts.  Then, unfortunately, I react.  My therapist tells me all the time not to engage and just walk away.  Make sure to set boundaries.  It is just soo hard to do.
Any suggestions, comments, or any words of wisdom would be welcome.
Thanks so much

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[normal person]

Practice makes it perfect.
Practice and try to respond,not react. After few tries it will get easier.
Therapists also advise to focus on emotions, not words. Like, ok, I see you are upset,what's bothering you etc. And say it with a calm voice to avoid escalating it to ashouting match. The art to difuse anger and not escalate can help in life in general too,not just with your kid.