Thank you,
We will definitely be reading as much as we can.
She just turned 15 in Dec. We have had her since she was two years old; adopted her through DHS. Homeschooled . Happy life on a farm.
Then she started to change; became withdrawn, became very moody. Went through the “goth” thing. We just figured it was typical teen stuff, puberty etc.
But then it became extreme. She made a suicide comment at a church youth meeting . This led to counseling appointments; medicines , etc. Nothing changed. Mood instability became intensely worse.
Finally , the third therapist said , it was all related to her adoption. That, her depression stemmed from losing her two bio siblings; the only two she remembered from the DHS visits. All contact with them was cut off after we adopted her, and the other two moved far away . We wanted to keep contact for her sake , but for reasons, this was not possible. So after 10 years , at her therapist’s recommendation, we searched for them and made contact. At first, only through social media . Then per phone .And eventually we reunited them under supervision for a meal at a restaurant. That was a year ago , last Nov. of 2021.
Fast forward to last summer… Over the course of the next several mos, she became obsessed with having more contact. And, became increasingly rebellious with us. Started shoplifting; experimenting with drugs, alcohol. And became more and more distant from us.
Then, out of nowhere, she announced she wanted to leave us. After raising her 13 years. Loving her as our own. She said, her “real” mom and dad (whom she had only met ONE time since taken by DHS) wanted to put their family back together.
We tried to explain all the dangers ; their past history etc. But nothing would convince her otherwise, and she ran away to them last August. She ended up in a short term care facility, but on discharge threatened to run /break out of any facility, to get back to them. Said we couldn’t keep her locked up.
For fear of her hitchhiking again, and ending up kidnapped or worse, we did a home study, and visited with her long lost parents . They seemed to be genuinely trying , or so it seemed, to get their lives straight and family back. Against all my instincts, we consented to our attorney’s advice to give them physical custody.
It was the worst mistake ever. Barely heard from her. But later learned, Dad left mom within a month. Sister had a breakdown and had to be hospitalized. Mom attempted suicide. Dad nearly killed our daughter and her brother after an argument that led to a highway chase and truck wreck. They ended up homeless. Kids shacked with a friends Dad . Parents were (?) just gone.
And then , we got a call from the police . She was taken by CPS, due to suspicions (that were later confirmed) of sexual relations with her biological brother. She was covered with self inflicted cuts on her arms, chest and legs. And on intake, admitted to trying to overdose.
It absolutely dumbfounded us; after so little contact, and in such a short time, how far she had fallen. When we went to the second , long term facility to sign her in (we now have full custody back!), we barely even recognized her. She is a husk of the strong, healthy girl we last saw Aug 11th when she basically forced us (with threats of risking her life) to give her up to these people who so wanted her. But were apparently still so unstable.
She is now about 10 weeks into therapy. We have only had one visit; it didn’t go well. Our second is coming this Friday. We have been told she has been diagnosed with “Cluster B (?) /Borderline Personality Disorder, MDD, GAD, ADHD, and maybe something else..
She has still been very delusional ; thinking a fairytale, happy bio family can still happen . Even though, as we have been told, there has been no word from her parents.
Her two siblings are now living with safe family members and are getting the help they need to move on with their lives . They can now see, that this was a toxic, failed attempt to rebuild a home together. Mom and dad were two unstable, possibly back into drugs. And apparently our daughter developed an unnatural attraction to her brother . And, he allowed it to happen , and they began a consensual, sexual relationship.
He realizes the consequences that could be pressed (prison) but has made it clear he is done with this; and is attempting to persuade our daughter (only through letters that are approved by her therapist) to accept the help she is receiving. But , she is in complete denial that “anything is wrong with her;” that she is “normal” and they did “nothing wrong…”
So, after just learning the name(s) of all her stuff, we have been searching for help:
How to prepare for her homecoming in June, or possibly sooner
What is the best option for school (our public school would shred her to pieces , with all the gossip that has undoubtedly spread there)
Homeschooling her , could be very challenging. Her school reports from this facility describe her behavior as “defiant, disruptive, non compliant.”
We are basically just a wreck here.
Overjoyed, that she is in a safe place now. But terrified in a way, as to how we can start over with all this?
Sorry so long
But that’s her story .
