Hi I'm looking for some support, can you all help me, please?

[The Rose Gardene]

Hi,
I wanted to introduce myself. My 18 year old has BPD. I'd tell yall the story, but from reading a few posts, yall know the story already.
Our family is exhausted, and so is my daughter, its time to change our tactics. So, I'm looking for mentors. We want our daughter to be a functioning adult as much as she can, but it's clear she needs help, before she gets herself in a mess. Anyway, thank you for listening. I'm glad to be here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi The Rose Gardene and welcome to the Family.

You haven't detailed what you have been through, but yes - we do understand, particularly the exhaustion of journeying with a BPD child. It is truly exhausting.

There are many resources here that can help you along the way. You don't say if there are any mental health professionals involved with your family and, if so whether you can see any progress.  BPD can affect individuals in many different ways. Some are able to carry out normal life activities while others can't manage this.

For all those affected though, the intense emotional ride is what affects them, and all those involved with them, so very deeply.

I learnt some very valuable lessons coming here. One was that BPD is a marathon rather than a sprint. There are times, some long some short, when things look okay and your spirit lifts - then crash!

So I found it was important not to allow myself to be so caught up in the intense emotional rollercoaster.

Also, coming here is where I learnt that I am not alone. There are people out there in the world who are going through something the same as I am - yesterday, today and tomorrow it will be the same. That means so much to me.

The other thing I took a long while to accept was the need to make sure I looked after myself as best I could in the circumstances I am in. It's a bit like flying in a plane: attach your own oxygen mask before tending to the child.

To be there for our loved children, we need to take care of ourselves.

Welcome and sending thoughts to you and yours . . . . .

[The Rose Gardene]

Thank you so much, Sancho. I really appreciate your kindness. I am going to start asking questions and getting advice here. Thank you for encouraging me. It is good to know I'm not alone on the marathon. The Rose Gardene

[Pook075]

Hi Rose and thank you for joining the site.  You will find support and answers here.  Let me start with the most important one I gained with my BPD daughter- you can't help her.  Doctors or therapists can't help her.  Nobody can help her until she's ready to help herself.

In other words, she has to actively want to change her behaviors.  There's not a thing in the world anyone can do for her until then.  But once she's ready, she can live a healthy, balanced life.  I've seen in in my daughter and it took until she was 23 to really want big change.  Our relationship is amazing now though and we're like best friends.

Please read those two paragraphs again and accept them.  Only your daughter can change your daughter's life because this is a battle within her mind.  You can't fight it for her, no matter how much you want to.  Believe me, I tried to the point that I had a heart attack at 42 from all the stress and worry.

What you can do is learn how to better communicate with your daughter so she realizes that you're on her side.  Check out the threads along the top of this page, all the tutorials on communication and empathy.  You can do this!  Feel free to ask lots of questions and most importantly, realize that this is not your fault!  There is a better future ahead.

[The Rose Gardene]

Hi Pook075,
Thank you for your honesty. I needed to hear it. I'm also glad to hear that better times can be ahead. I just have to be patient and pray, and do the best I can to learn to communicate with my daughter. I really appreciate your taking the time to write me.

[kells76]

Glad you're here, The Rose Gardene, and I want to join with Sancho and Pook075 in welcoming you to the group.

Not sure if you've had time to check these out, but we have some articles in our "Tips" section up top, in the Child with BPD section, that could be helpful. Take a look and let us know what resonates with you.

You mention your D is 18... is she living at home? Has she tried any steps towards adulthood (college class, part time job, driving a car)? If so, how has that gone?

What strengths does she have, and what are your biggest concerns for her?

-kells76