Abandonment Transference?

[Matty]

Hi,
Although I’m currently the most awful person ever, she contacts me every few days with horrible messages but won’t speak to me on the phone. When she contacts me, she often makes reference to the last time we saw each other 5 months ago. At this point in time, she was in the middle of an episode and we were talking to her brother about what to do next, she became infuriated, booked a flight and asked me to take her to the airport. I complied and two minutes into the drive to the airport she asked me to stop the car and let her out with all her luggage. I did so but also tried to suggest other courses of action such as staying with a friend etc. She wouldn’t hear it and the last I saw her was on the corner with her luggage and on her phone (turns out she was calling her friend I later discovered).

While all the accusations she has made about me over the course of the last few months have disappeared (emotional, physical abuse etc - which was all transference), this one accusation has always remained:
Who leaves their wife at the side of the road like that?
I have explained to her very carefully that if she chooses to leave that I can not prevent it and that she knew she could always return but no effect.

So is this just the usual blame denial by transference to me? Does she need to think that I left/abandoned her? I would love to hear from someone living with BPD on this question because even before the BPD diagnosis, I always knew from the beginning that she has abandonment issues and have always tried to assure her that I wouldn’t leave. 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Matty]

Hi,

A few weeks my BPD spouse became abuse and I decided it was time to enforce a boundary. I did so and received the silent treatment for several weeks. She then contacted me again ( we have been long distance since she was diagnosed) and was tolerable however at the end she said that I am evil and that I should commit suicide. Fortunately I have been using SET and observing not absorbing techniques effectively and given that two suicidal gestures from her lead to this BPD diagnosis and that most of the things she says about me appear to be projections, is this what she thinks of her self? That she is evil and that she should commit suicide?

I have let her know that as long as she is not abusive that I will always respond to her and when she does respond, I validate her feelings and it seems to be having a positive effect.