21 year old like she is living out of her car

[Kats3]

my daughter is home and I am cleaning out her car- I am finding my shoes Ive been looking for 2 months, so many clothes, things she has bought- she shares with me her new credit card is now at 700- mostly alcohol and weed. She tells me about the 25 year old she is not really seeing anymore but the homeless 27 year old she has a date with this week. She tells me I am an embarrassment to her so she doesn't want her friends over here. And she is back on wanting to get an apartment- well, her tuition for the fall is paid for and includes room and board and she goes to a really good school. I am worried about so much I can't think- the THC I know was a real problem for my sister who had BPD and her dying wish was that my daughter not use marijuana- this had zero effect on her. She says her friends ( so called,)are all worried that she drinks too much. It just never ends.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hey Kats3, welcome to the boards  you sound like you're at a tipping point with your D21's behaviors, so we're glad you reached out for some support as you navigate how you want to move forward.

It really stood out to me -- it's interesting that your D21 shares with you that her friends think she has a drinking problem. Do you think your D would agree?

Sometimes I'm curious if a person with BPD-type traits and behaviors, while perhaps resistant to straightforward intervention like residential or DBT, might accept "yes, I have a problem in this other area of life", and be okay with getting help for a peripheral issue. While joining AA or going to rehab/detox won't fix BPD, it could be a foot in the door to her being open to treatment. Anyway, just a thought.

How has she done in school so far (as she's 21, I'm guessing she's done some college already)?

It must be so difficult to be in a position where she's technically an adult, yet you still have say over some parts of her life (college tuition, room/board, etc), and she does come home, but tells you so many painful things about her life.

Would you say that the THC use is your biggest concern right now?

Keep us posted on your journey -- we'll be here to listen.

-kells76