Curious

[Atlmags]

I've posted on here several times in an attempt to get support, but no one ever replies. I'm not sure why as I am intelligent and articulate and well spoken, but apparently no one can identify with the things I post or some other reason? It's very off-putting because I am in a twisted painful state and yet I get no support here. I guess I should look for another support group.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Curious
I have gone back and read your previous posts - and marvel at what you have given to your dd and grandchildren. Glad you are committed to self care too. I am wondering if baby is okay?

A couple of thoughts . . .
My first reaction is just how similar our situations are, although my dd is 33 and has one daughter who is now 13. I am not at the point of having a reasonable and 'steady' time yet - it is still chaos and gd is starting to be rebellious, drop out of school etc. She has high anxiety and we are waiting for an appt with paediatrician. I am getting well on in years too.

The last couple of days I have been having 'nightmares' about 'What if there is another pregnancy?
You say:
Sometimes I just want to run away, but what would that solve.

I would like to move to a warmer climate and I am holding on, looking forward to an opportunity to do so. What will happen if another child arrives? As I say this has had me feeling very anxious!

You brought this us in a post: should you say to dd to make other arrangements etc. Did you decide what to do there?

I think one reason why many people don't reply is that we really don't feel we have answers. The question you bring up is how do you live both loving your dd and hating what she has done to your gs. It is such a deep question and I am not sure I can get anywhere near giving an opinion on it - it would take me lots of time to think this through. Perhaps when I have I will post back my thoughts?

You have clearly been through so much, dealt with so much that in some ways I feel like I would be 'carrying coal to Newcastle' - that is, giving my few thoughts to someone who has already been there and done that. It might feel a bit offensive. But you have set me thinking . . .

Coming back to another possible reason why not many people seem to respond - when clearly many people read the posts and I think this is an amazing place to come to read posts and know you are not alone on this challenging journey.

I have wondered this before so I am glad you brought it up. When I first came here I knew nothing much about BPD, just the clinical stuff you get when you look it up. But I had been on the BPD journey for a long time and was dealing with this totally confusing set of symptoms, behaviour, chaos etc etc.

I think I developed a paranoia trying to 'walk on eggshells' around dd during this time, trying to keep things moving forward but always getting hurled sideways. So when I found this site, I found myself actually reluctant to post anything mainly because I felt dd would somehow find out that I had and either be reading posts or just go 'off' that I had.

I really had to force myself to post and then I felt anxious and terrible for some time after. Eventually it became the place I come to to read, reflect on the fact I am not alone, pick up bits and pieces from others' posts - I don't have that paranoia here any more.

I have often wondered if others feel something similar and are reluctant to post?




 

[Sancho]

Hi Curious
I have gone back and read your previous posts - and marvel at what you have given to your dd and grandchildren. Glad you are committed to self care too. I am wondering if baby is okay?

A couple of thoughts . . .
My first reaction is just how similar our situations are, although my dd is 33 and has one daughter who is now 13. I am not at the point of having a reasonable and 'steady' time yet - it is still chaos and gd is starting to be rebellious, drop out of school etc. She has high anxiety and we are waiting for an appt with paediatrician. I am getting well on in years too.

The last couple of days I have been having 'nightmares' about 'What if there is another pregnancy?
You say:
Sometimes I just want to run away, but what would that solve.

I would like to move to a warmer climate and I am holding on, looking forward to an opportunity to do so. What will happen if another child arrives? As I say this has had me feeling very anxious!

You brought this us in a post: should you say to dd to make other arrangements etc. Did you decide what to do there?

I think one reason why many people don't reply is that we really don't feel we have answers. The question you bring up is how do you live both loving your dd and hating what she has done to your gs. It is such a deep question and I am not sure I can get anywhere near giving an opinion on it - it would take me lots of time to think this through. Perhaps when I have I will post back my thoughts?

You have clearly been through so much, dealt with so much that in some ways I feel like I would be 'carrying coal to Newcastle' - that is, giving my few thoughts to someone who has already been there and done that. It might feel a bit offensive. But you have set me thinking . . .

Coming back to another possible reason why not many people seem to respond - when clearly many people read the posts and I think this is an amazing place to come to read posts and know you are not alone on this challenging journey.

I have wondered this before so I am glad you brought it up. When I first came here I knew nothing much about BPD, just the clinical stuff you get when you look it up. But I had been on the BPD journey for a long time and was dealing with this totally confusing set of symptoms, behaviour, chaos etc etc.

I think I developed a paranoia trying to 'walk on eggshells' around dd during this time, trying to keep things moving forward but always getting hurled sideways. So when I found this site, I found myself actually reluctant to post anything mainly because I felt dd would somehow find out that I had and either be reading posts or just go 'off' that I had.

I really had to force myself to post and then I felt anxious and terrible for some time after. Eventually it became the place I come to to read, reflect on the fact I am not alone, pick up bits and pieces from others' posts - I don't have that paranoia here any more.

I have often wondered if others feel something similar and are reluctant to post?