The end is near

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

After a lengthy darn near 2 year process, I am close to being divorced. Lived under the same roof the entire time.
Specifics have been laid out in prior posts.
I kinda feel bad for my wife as she will have to fend for herself for the first time in her life I suppose without having a man to take care of everything.
I almost feel as if there has been some sort of change in her. My counsellor disagrees with that, relating that I will get served "unlimited helpings" at some point down the road if I were to back off the throttles.
There has been no indication on her part whatsoever about a "step one" or variant thereof whereby she admits she's powerless over her "untreated mental illness" and how her "life has become unmanageable".
No willingness to seek psychiatric counselling coupled with meds or whatever people with personality disorders do to mitigate their inner demons.
She related that nobody should be meddling in our affairs, no professionals/clergy etc. We should just go it ourselves.
It can be quite convincing at times. But I have remained on course for the duration of this. Haven't deviated at all.
There is just a part of me that feels sad and will continue to do so up until "move out day". Another part that makes me want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.
Peace All.

[SPD438]

After a lengthy darn near 2 year process, I am close to being divorced. Lived under the same roof the entire time.
Specifics have been laid out in prior posts.
I kinda feel bad for my wife as she will have to fend for herself for the first time in her life I suppose without having a man to take care of everything.
I almost feel as if there has been some sort of change in her. My counsellor disagrees with that, relating that I will get served "unlimited helpings" at some point down the road if I were to back off the throttles.
There has been no indication on her part whatsoever about a "step one" or variant thereof whereby she admits she's powerless over her "untreated mental illness" and how her "life has become unmanageable".
No willingness to seek psychiatric counselling coupled with meds or whatever people with personality disorders do to mitigate their inner demons.
She related that nobody should be meddling in our affairs, no professionals/clergy etc. We should just go it ourselves.
It can be quite convincing at times. But I have remained on course for the duration of this. Haven't deviated at all.
There is just a part of me that feels sad and will continue to do so up until "move out day". Another part that makes me want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.
Peace All.

[Cat Familiar]

Well, you’ve had plenty of time to process your feelings about ending the relationship.

It took me well over 2 years to divorce my ex, partly due to having to move my BPD mother who lived hundreds of miles away and buy her a house nearby, while running the business I formerly operated with my ex.

In that period, I had plenty of time to process the ending of my relationship and when it was finally done, I too was done with any residual emotional impact. I was just glad it was over and never did I have a moment of regret…well maybe regret that it took me so long to end it.

Like your wife, my ex was not self sufficient financially and after I split up with him, he latched onto a welfare mom, who ended up supporting him too, until she broke up with him. Apparently he’s made some progress on that front, as I’ve heard he has a house with his new wife, but for years I used to get phone calls from creditors trying to track him down.

Somehow people with BPD seem able to always land back on their feet, even though they portray themselves as helpless victims.

[ForeverDad]

Somehow people with BPD seem able to always land back on their feet, even though they portray themselves as helpless victims.

If you haven't had children with her and you didn't adopt her children, then you can make a clean break after the marriage is ended.  Sadly, keeping in contact with her on an ongoing basis is not a good idea and can even lure you back into her issues and dysfunction.

On the other hand, her children are either grown or nearly so.  You can decide how much healthy contact you have with them.

[SPD438]

Yes I believe from information last related from my counsel (03 AUG 23) the "final date" is rapidly approaching. I'm a little concerned as my soon to be former spouse just started full time employment this evening with 2 weeks left to go. I have not heard a word about where she may be going, belongings/ shared furnishings NOTHING. I sent my counsel a text relating that I would like an update.
Throughout this painful 2 year process, she is still as she has always been trying to stop this whole thing.
I have endured some super scary health concerns by which my time here could have been drastically cut short. Still dealing with this.
Also I'm dealing with work drama and that one is really not too fun.
I think the last thing I or anyone else needs is drama at home. There is no shortage of it here.
If things go off the rails and are not peaceful, I will go stay with my folks for the final 2 weeks.
I'll be posting...