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[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I clearly don't know how to begin this. I have gone through some of the worst experiences of my life with the one I call the love of my life. All started to unravel after our marriage. Nothing within the ordinary but mostly all out of the ordinary. Instead of boring you with an elongated sermon. I wrote a document called my manifesto.

I’ve remained quite long enough. The woman I married, the woman I thought was my soulmate, the woman of my dreams ended up being nothing but a fraud. I have endured some of the hardest and most difficult psychological as well as traumatizing experiences of my life ever since I married the individual named "D Lastname". Of course, her name now is "D New Lastname", because she thought that taken on my last name was token enough to show her commitment to me, that she was really “into this” but commitment isn’t just a title or a phrase such as “I do” that you can just delegate freely and then not actually live up to, commitment is an every day effort to live up to standards and sacrifices that will empower you and the person you made the commitment to, and someone that always uses her past experiences and traumas as an excuse to not own up to her new commitment and her new responsibilities as a married woman, is just someone that should’ve never pretended she was ready for it. Let me explain to you why:

 

When D came into my life, she was nothing but positive, resilient, relentless, a fighter, someone I had long craved into my life. Someone that I never thought would hurt me or disrespect me given the fact that she had had to fight for things of her own, like I did all my life, and therefore I thought I was in to gain a lifetime partner, someone I could count on and be happy with; boy was I wrong. For starters, this woman entered our marriage withholding a truth, and not just any truth. Within 6 weeks of being married and problems starting to arise, I was notified by her obliterated drunk and manic self that she had Herpes type 2. She first proceeded to tell me it was found out by recent testing she had to get done due to her current contraceptive being taken out, then she proceeded to tell me she had had it for years and that she knew all along. She also proceeded to tell me that she did not take any medication for it or precautions to reduce the spread and that its not something she even thought about because she eventually became “semi asymptomatic” and that she had shared this with some of her previous partners and that they all DID NOT CARE, but also that none of them had it to her knowledge. How convenient. I proceeded to get tested the following week, turns out I have it myself, obviously, it shouldn’t be rocket science how I got it. Which means that anything she told me about previous partners was probably a lie.

 

Ever since that moment, my life has gone in decay. How can you trust someone that can do that to you? Someone that waited until you were married and then some time to tell you that, and that her excuse was that she did not want to lose you because she thought you were the person of her dreams? It is just mind blowing that someone would even look to excuse themselves about doing someone as horrific as that to the person they supposedly love so much to simply justify their own interest. I’m only sharing this to start because it explains all of the following behavior, and how someone like D, can literally do or say anything she wants, act however way she wants, pass blame and responsibility of her actions to any one else, or justify them in the name of it not being her “worse” intention and just “not thinking at the time” and being motivated by her past trauma, the people that hurt her, and the childhood she was robbed from or the co parenting situation with the abusive father of her child. Child I have come to care as my own and that now is conflicted by the damage that all these lies and abuse from her mother have caused on me and having to constantly consider ending this union on the basis of fraud and abuse from her end.

Let me follow up these accusations with proof. I have cameras in my home because not only have I learned with experience that even some of the closest people you let into your home could easily steal and disrespect you and then lie about it, but because in previous in relationships, I was able to prove sinister intentions against me from significant others that were willing to lie and manufacture situations in order to not just hurt me but put me in trouble against the law and maybe even other people that have high levels of respect for me. Let me reiterate that I have live recordings of all I am about to disclose here and also faults of my own that I am willing to admit. Faults I had to procure with the sole purpose of preventing further violence in my property, like the multiple instances of broken and damaged goods but also to prevent further assault on me and self-inflicting harm against herself if not suggestive of suicidal intentions from herself all done by D. I would also like to state that me revealing these events has also been manipulated by D as an accusation of me trying to sabotage her current parental rights because they would put her in jeopardy if these events were to come to light, events that would challenge her ability as a parent, starting with the herpes infection.

 

To being with, I did not know my so-called wife had and “undiagnosed” severe case of bipolar disorder and Anxiety. Those are not only serious conditions, but variants in anyone’s livelihood that will obviously and consequently have a major effect in the legal union with any other individual. The reason I use quotations over the word “undiagnosed” it is because I cannot be sure about it. It seems like a convenient manipulation of events to justify nothing but erratic, illogical and abusive behavior, all caused from previous trauma and life experiences on her own. My biggest precedent is the fact that she was able to withhold her diagnosis from a lifelong venereal disease from me with the benefit of engaging me and eventually being married to me, with zero concerns given. All these conditions have been nothing but detrimental and deteriorating to the marriage I thought I entered in good faith. I feel defrauded and taken advantage of. Ever since the surfacing of all these realities, I’ve dealt with personal issues of my own, from my business decaying, to personal health issues (non-transferable) and rather than having a loving and supporting spouse, I’ve had nothing but an individual that was not only willing to do that to me despicably, but that has done nothing but complain, manipulate and state how much better her life used to be before me, when in reality, and after all the facts stated, it is easy to see that the one whose life has been completely brought to crumbles is mine.

 

For example, the Bi-Polar manic episodes. I met someone that told me she had traveled a lot, partied a lot and lived a very fulfilling life ever since she was able to stand up for herself. I believed it. Little did I know most of these trips and events in her life were the result of her being offered opportunities by men that were dumb enough to pay for it. Do not get me wrong, she does work, and she does take care of her own, but the moment she feels entitled of anything else her money is not’ supposed to cover or pay for, she will result on accusations and entitlement filled statements, like we all owe her something based on the trauma and abuse she had to endure in her past life. The fact that she supposedly received Herpes from someone that lied to her and abused her, and gave it to her without her knowledge apparently excused her from giving it to someone that she supposedly found “love’ with and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with but not with any minimal effort or sacrifice to offset the damage she was about to give to that person for eternity without their consent. One of the vilest and most cynical statements I have ever heard in my lie.

Her manic episodes resulting from nothing but alcohol abuse and psychological triggers I was not aware of have led to the following:

Broken property in multiple instances
Self-inflicted damage because of destroying property which was crucial and almost fatal.
Self-inflicted wounds using broken property such as glass and kitchen cutlery that resulted on scars on her thigh and other areas and one on my wrists from trying to prevent it.
Brusing on herself and I. From black eyes to several other bruising in different areas.
Manufacturing and elaborating fake facts about personal acquaintances that could have destroyed lifelong relationships, more over without regard of incriminating herself in such made up accusations.
Continuous reenactment of situations with the validation or excuse of alcohol or drug consumption when a lot of these episodes happen in the absent of any.
I will not sit here and narrate each of the events to its detail, because well, they are simply embarrassing and extensive. I have already explained what major instances have happened and very many different times that I have had to endure them. I have put a blind eye to a lot of it for the sake of saving the marriage and most importantly for the sake of not negating a more decent father figure to an 8-year-old that I have learned to love and call my own, despite the fact that she is able to be used and weaponized against me when things go south.

I will also state, that in a lot of these manic episodes, I not only had to defend myself but act in ways not only I am not proud of, but I wish I never had to be in the position of. I have had to not only restraint D from causing harm to herself or me, but also made sure I complete disabled her from continuing to attempt it and furthering any gravity of the situation. Things such as:

 

Bear hugging and stomping her down to the ground
Restraining and tossing her on to the bed or other surfaces several times
Applying a choke hold to prevent from serious injury to herself or myself in the moment.
I am not proud of these actions because I never saw the possibility of me ever having to be in that situation but also, I had to made decisions in which mitigating the higher risk such as her ending her life or causing permanent damage to herself or me with a penetrating sharp object would’ve been further more detrimental. Luckily, I have video proof for all this and as much as I do not wish I had to be put in that situation, I do not regret the steps that I took. I even have conversations wit her BEST friends and only parent about how I had to do those things (as well as hide her vehicle keys and other sharp objects in the house) in order to save her life and mine.

 

You may read this and question “why didn’t you call the authorities, or why did you keep this quite” in my head, there are only two reasons. The first is the thought and hope that this could somehow be fixed and that if my marriage vows explained it, I was in this for life, then I should mitigate all the damage and look at the bigger picture. That is no excuse, but I won’t lie when I say I have had nothing but the best and ultimate intentions for this marriage since day one, I was willing to turn anything slightly inappropriate or inconsiderate in regards to my life, around, in order to make this marriage work and a success. I don’t think my wife was on the same mindset, she is still capable of looking back onto her past experiences and traumas and find reasons to justify herself as to why she should be allowed or entitled to act a certain behavior without taking into consideration how they affect the people in her life currently, the people that did nothing to her or that came about her life most recently and that are willing to love her and honor her but that she still retaliates against based on the sole reasoning of what was done to her before by none of them even happened.

 

As I said, it would be pointless to narrate each experience or instance word by word piece by piece. I do not have the mental capacity to do so, but here are a few facts so you can have a glimpse as to what someone must go through and then expect to come out normal from it, and move on like nothing has happened. After beating the back of her head against the glass of our backyard several times with the intention of hurting herself, the glass finally broke. At that point, her life was highly at risk from the remainders as she could have keep banging her head backwards against the glass after it broke and then stab herself with the remaining glass left on the back of her neck or skull, immediately ending her life and leaving myself behind with quite a situation, but most importantly, her daughter without a mother.

 

On a second occurrence, the glass sliding door to our closet was broken from several attempts with different objects. Once enough glass was on the ground, the remaining pieces were used by D to inflict self-mutilation and cut herself in different ways. One of them accounting for the cross shaped scar on her thigh that she self-inflicted on her own with a broken piece of glass. Other instances from her attempting to get a hold of cutlery and other sharp objects around the house are captured on video threatening to hurt herself and I, but also with the excuse of obtaining her prescription medication that she had not once tried before but that she used as the variable to enact an episode that resulted in me calling a crisis line an them having the conclusion to call authorities to prevent a further and a more fatal outcome.

 

You might sit here, read this, and think, damn this guy had it so bad… or BULLPLEASE READ this guy is just PLEASE READting on his wife for being a maniac and stuff he did to her. All of that is your prerogative, I have not only video proof of all these instances but a life long testimony of the person that I am, by anyone and everyone that has had an interaction with me, and I can take that to the grave. It is dumbfounding how actual genuine people with good intentions and good hearts can easily be mistaken or immediately counter accused from being “too good to be true” and therefore instantly treated like garbage for a rushed assumptive feeling that this might be the next asshole in their life.  The inability to discern that characteristic and detriment out of someone’s life, is what doesn’t allow them to see when a good thing does eventually come to fruition and therefore giving it their best to conserve and preserve it.

 

As I am writing this I feel as hopeless and as hypocritical about myself as the person I am describing. Not only did her daughter just wake up to use the bathroom and told me how she understands parents have issues and she understands what just happened between her mom and I in a confrontation. This little girl is my daughter, a spirit I highly recognize as special and as circumventing. I do feel I have not only the need to be in this little girl’s life but the obligation. She is bound to make a difference out of herself and out of the trajectory that her mother and grandmother have constantly excused themselves from and the way they have always had to act. I for once had no correlation to this type of trauma or life conditioning, my struggles were others, however, mine had no transcendence or excusing for any wrong doing towards anybody else, loved one or not.

 

My wife has always believed that putting me in situations with people she has been previously intimate with (besides the father of her child) are just situations I should be able to adapt myself to because there is no wrong intent on her end. Let me break a little bit down of that on the following:

 

Me not wanting to be around her previous ex or me not wanting her to be around him on situations of her own roots from the following:

[stingren]

I clearly don't know how to begin this. I have gone through some of the worst experiences of my life with the one I call the love of my life. All started to unravel after our marriage. Nothing within the ordinary but mostly all out of the ordinary. Instead of boring you with an elongated sermon. I wrote a document called my manifesto.

I’ve remained quite long enough. The woman I married, the woman I thought was my soulmate, the woman of my dreams ended up being nothing but a fraud. I have endured some of the hardest and most difficult psychological as well as traumatizing experiences of my life ever since I married the individual named "D Lastname". Of course, her name now is "D New Lastname", because she thought that taken on my last name was token enough to show her commitment to me, that she was really “into this” but commitment isn’t just a title or a phrase such as “I do” that you can just delegate freely and then not actually live up to, commitment is an every day effort to live up to standards and sacrifices that will empower you and the person you made the commitment to, and someone that always uses her past experiences and traumas as an excuse to not own up to her new commitment and her new responsibilities as a married woman, is just someone that should’ve never pretended she was ready for it. Let me explain to you why:

 

When D came into my life, she was nothing but positive, resilient, relentless, a fighter, someone I had long craved into my life. Someone that I never thought would hurt me or disrespect me given the fact that she had had to fight for things of her own, like I did all my life, and therefore I thought I was in to gain a lifetime partner, someone I could count on and be happy with; boy was I wrong. For starters, this woman entered our marriage withholding a truth, and not just any truth. Within 6 weeks of being married and problems starting to arise, I was notified by her obliterated drunk and manic self that she had Herpes type 2. She first proceeded to tell me it was found out by recent testing she had to get done due to her current contraceptive being taken out, then she proceeded to tell me she had had it for years and that she knew all along. She also proceeded to tell me that she did not take any medication for it or precautions to reduce the spread and that its not something she even thought about because she eventually became “semi asymptomatic” and that she had shared this with some of her previous partners and that they all DID NOT CARE, but also that none of them had it to her knowledge. How convenient. I proceeded to get tested the following week, turns out I have it myself, obviously, it shouldn’t be rocket science how I got it. Which means that anything she told me about previous partners was probably a lie.

 

Ever since that moment, my life has gone in decay. How can you trust someone that can do that to you? Someone that waited until you were married and then some time to tell you that, and that her excuse was that she did not want to lose you because she thought you were the person of her dreams? It is just mind blowing that someone would even look to excuse themselves about doing someone as horrific as that to the person they supposedly love so much to simply justify their own interest. I’m only sharing this to start because it explains all of the following behavior, and how someone like D, can literally do or say anything she wants, act however way she wants, pass blame and responsibility of her actions to any one else, or justify them in the name of it not being her “worse” intention and just “not thinking at the time” and being motivated by her past trauma, the people that hurt her, and the childhood she was robbed from or the co parenting situation with the abusive father of her child. Child I have come to care as my own and that now is conflicted by the damage that all these lies and abuse from her mother have caused on me and having to constantly consider ending this union on the basis of fraud and abuse from her end.

Let me follow up these accusations with proof. I have cameras in my home because not only have I learned with experience that even some of the closest people you let into your home could easily steal and disrespect you and then lie about it, but because in previous in relationships, I was able to prove sinister intentions against me from significant others that were willing to lie and manufacture situations in order to not just hurt me but put me in trouble against the law and maybe even other people that have high levels of respect for me. Let me reiterate that I have live recordings of all I am about to disclose here and also faults of my own that I am willing to admit. Faults I had to procure with the sole purpose of preventing further violence in my property, like the multiple instances of broken and damaged goods but also to prevent further assault on me and self-inflicting harm against herself if not suggestive of suicidal intentions from herself all done by D. I would also like to state that me revealing these events has also been manipulated by D as an accusation of me trying to sabotage her current parental rights because they would put her in jeopardy if these events were to come to light, events that would challenge her ability as a parent, starting with the herpes infection.

 

To being with, I did not know my so-called wife had and “undiagnosed” severe case of bipolar disorder and Anxiety. Those are not only serious conditions, but variants in anyone’s livelihood that will obviously and consequently have a major effect in the legal union with any other individual. The reason I use quotations over the word “undiagnosed” it is because I cannot be sure about it. It seems like a convenient manipulation of events to justify nothing but erratic, illogical and abusive behavior, all caused from previous trauma and life experiences on her own. My biggest precedent is the fact that she was able to withhold her diagnosis from a lifelong venereal disease from me with the benefit of engaging me and eventually being married to me, with zero concerns given. All these conditions have been nothing but detrimental and deteriorating to the marriage I thought I entered in good faith. I feel defrauded and taken advantage of. Ever since the surfacing of all these realities, I’ve dealt with personal issues of my own, from my business decaying, to personal health issues (non-transferable) and rather than having a loving and supporting spouse, I’ve had nothing but an individual that was not only willing to do that to me despicably, but that has done nothing but complain, manipulate and state how much better her life used to be before me, when in reality, and after all the facts stated, it is easy to see that the one whose life has been completely brought to crumbles is mine.

 

For example, the Bi-Polar manic episodes. I met someone that told me she had traveled a lot, partied a lot and lived a very fulfilling life ever since she was able to stand up for herself. I believed it. Little did I know most of these trips and events in her life were the result of her being offered opportunities by men that were dumb enough to pay for it. Do not get me wrong, she does work, and she does take care of her own, but the moment she feels entitled of anything else her money is not’ supposed to cover or pay for, she will result on accusations and entitlement filled statements, like we all owe her something based on the trauma and abuse she had to endure in her past life. The fact that she supposedly received Herpes from someone that lied to her and abused her, and gave it to her without her knowledge apparently excused her from giving it to someone that she supposedly found “love’ with and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with but not with any minimal effort or sacrifice to offset the damage she was about to give to that person for eternity without their consent. One of the vilest and most cynical statements I have ever heard in my lie.

Her manic episodes resulting from nothing but alcohol abuse and psychological triggers I was not aware of have led to the following:

Broken property in multiple instances
Self-inflicted damage because of destroying property which was crucial and almost fatal.
Self-inflicted wounds using broken property such as glass and kitchen cutlery that resulted on scars on her thigh and other areas and one on my wrists from trying to prevent it.
Brusing on herself and I. From black eyes to several other bruising in different areas.
Manufacturing and elaborating fake facts about personal acquaintances that could have destroyed lifelong relationships, more over without regard of incriminating herself in such made up accusations.
Continuous reenactment of situations with the validation or excuse of alcohol or drug consumption when a lot of these episodes happen in the absent of any.
I will not sit here and narrate each of the events to its detail, because well, they are simply embarrassing and extensive. I have already explained what major instances have happened and very many different times that I have had to endure them. I have put a blind eye to a lot of it for the sake of saving the marriage and most importantly for the sake of not negating a more decent father figure to an 8-year-old that I have learned to love and call my own, despite the fact that she is able to be used and weaponized against me when things go south.

I will also state, that in a lot of these manic episodes, I not only had to defend myself but act in ways not only I am not proud of, but I wish I never had to be in the position of. I have had to not only restraint D from causing harm to herself or me, but also made sure I complete disabled her from continuing to attempt it and furthering any gravity of the situation. Things such as:

 

Bear hugging and stomping her down to the ground
Restraining and tossing her on to the bed or other surfaces several times
Applying a choke hold to prevent from serious injury to herself or myself in the moment.
I am not proud of these actions because I never saw the possibility of me ever having to be in that situation but also, I had to made decisions in which mitigating the higher risk such as her ending her life or causing permanent damage to herself or me with a penetrating sharp object would’ve been further more detrimental. Luckily, I have video proof for all this and as much as I do not wish I had to be put in that situation, I do not regret the steps that I took. I even have conversations wit her BEST friends and only parent about how I had to do those things (as well as hide her vehicle keys and other sharp objects in the house) in order to save her life and mine.

 

You may read this and question “why didn’t you call the authorities, or why did you keep this quite” in my head, there are only two reasons. The first is the thought and hope that this could somehow be fixed and that if my marriage vows explained it, I was in this for life, then I should mitigate all the damage and look at the bigger picture. That is no excuse, but I won’t lie when I say I have had nothing but the best and ultimate intentions for this marriage since day one, I was willing to turn anything slightly inappropriate or inconsiderate in regards to my life, around, in order to make this marriage work and a success. I don’t think my wife was on the same mindset, she is still capable of looking back onto her past experiences and traumas and find reasons to justify herself as to why she should be allowed or entitled to act a certain behavior without taking into consideration how they affect the people in her life currently, the people that did nothing to her or that came about her life most recently and that are willing to love her and honor her but that she still retaliates against based on the sole reasoning of what was done to her before by none of them even happened.

 

As I said, it would be pointless to narrate each experience or instance word by word piece by piece. I do not have the mental capacity to do so, but here are a few facts so you can have a glimpse as to what someone must go through and then expect to come out normal from it, and move on like nothing has happened. After beating the back of her head against the glass of our backyard several times with the intention of hurting herself, the glass finally broke. At that point, her life was highly at risk from the remainders as she could have keep banging her head backwards against the glass after it broke and then stab herself with the remaining glass left on the back of her neck or skull, immediately ending her life and leaving myself behind with quite a situation, but most importantly, her daughter without a mother.

 

On a second occurrence, the glass sliding door to our closet was broken from several attempts with different objects. Once enough glass was on the ground, the remaining pieces were used by D to inflict self-mutilation and cut herself in different ways. One of them accounting for the cross shaped scar on her thigh that she self-inflicted on her own with a broken piece of glass. Other instances from her attempting to get a hold of cutlery and other sharp objects around the house are captured on video threatening to hurt herself and I, but also with the excuse of obtaining her prescription medication that she had not once tried before but that she used as the variable to enact an episode that resulted in me calling a crisis line an them having the conclusion to call authorities to prevent a further and a more fatal outcome.

 

You might sit here, read this, and think, damn this guy had it so bad… or BULLPLEASE READ this guy is just PLEASE READting on his wife for being a maniac and stuff he did to her. All of that is your prerogative, I have not only video proof of all these instances but a life long testimony of the person that I am, by anyone and everyone that has had an interaction with me, and I can take that to the grave. It is dumbfounding how actual genuine people with good intentions and good hearts can easily be mistaken or immediately counter accused from being “too good to be true” and therefore instantly treated like garbage for a rushed assumptive feeling that this might be the next asshole in their life.  The inability to discern that characteristic and detriment out of someone’s life, is what doesn’t allow them to see when a good thing does eventually come to fruition and therefore giving it their best to conserve and preserve it.

 

As I am writing this I feel as hopeless and as hypocritical about myself as the person I am describing. Not only did her daughter just wake up to use the bathroom and told me how she understands parents have issues and she understands what just happened between her mom and I in a confrontation. This little girl is my daughter, a spirit I highly recognize as special and as circumventing. I do feel I have not only the need to be in this little girl’s life but the obligation. She is bound to make a difference out of herself and out of the trajectory that her mother and grandmother have constantly excused themselves from and the way they have always had to act. I for once had no correlation to this type of trauma or life conditioning, my struggles were others, however, mine had no transcendence or excusing for any wrong doing towards anybody else, loved one or not.

 

My wife has always believed that putting me in situations with people she has been previously intimate with (besides the father of her child) are just situations I should be able to adapt myself to because there is no wrong intent on her end. Let me break a little bit down of that on the following:

 

Me not wanting to be around her previous ex or me not wanting her to be around him on situations of her own roots from the following:

[stingren]

and....

When they were dating, she was constantly at my place, partying and spending the night over, not acting like she was in a relationship and explaining or excusing how that person was not meant to be her person.
She brought that person’s children to my house once, as she was babysitting them, lying to me and him about it, with the excuse that it was a good environment for them and I was no harm, As I of course wasn’t, despite the fact of being lied to.
On other similar situations I was exposed to the following:

 

She was willing to bring me to a “friend’s” birthday party who she advised was married, but that him as his wife were swingers and had done a lot for her. She also proceeded to tell me that they all have had a sort of intimate moment, where them as being married, interacted with her in more than on a friendship level. However, I was expected to attend to the male’s birthday and acknowledge the fact that everyone in attendance had “swinging” inclinations.  Something my wife was willing to submit myself to and put me through after what she had just explained.
Also, while we were in Vegas after our sudden marriage. She had the audacity to suggest to meet up with an individual she was previously sexually and intimate with for the sake of obtaining drugs on our trip. Something I was extremely uncomfortable with and was acknowledged after long conversating.
This is the caveat. That was during our wedding weekend. 3 months later after that was established, and she had to go to a trip to Las Vegas for a conference that was paid for by her husband, but she went on her own…this is what happens:
 

As she embarks on this trip, we had just gone through another maniac episode where she did things that were endangering and out of control. She is not oblivious to these events, there is a roller coaster of emotions and accountability she goes through constantly where she is either capable of acknowledging what happened but also excusing her actions in the name of her previous life traumas or her “exclusive” intention at the moment of committing them. Also, with the addition that she “drank too much” so at the moment she wasn’t thinking, so therefore it should be ignored and excused.

 

As she embarked on this trip to Las Vegas on her own, we were coming out of a crisis of our own. She was supposed to go there for a conference and a learning experience that she could benefit from but did not need to in order to start executing and benefiting from starting her own line of business. However, her husband, despite his current financial limitations and struggle with his business, covered in full, but of course with no lack of a few complaints from D.

 

As we were supposed to go on this trip together, personal, and financial issues did not allow that to happen in which case D ended up going on her own. Everything was paid for except check in and travel expenses which she was quick to complain about as she left on her own for the trip herself. That resulted on complaints and demands that are still mind blowing as she got to check in to the hotel but that she failed to budget for her own trip and benefit as I stayed home. As the trip went by, she started showing more remorse and “accountability” for situation she left back at home for a sole argument about something that had happened a week before and that also involved one of her manic episodes. Episode that involved her going to a dinner with one of our vehicles, getting obliterated and then proceeding to drive to the location I was at the moment, to not only throw up on herself but embarrass herself and me in public.

 

This trip should have been a lesson and a distancing experience. It should have also been nothing but professional and building experience. On the third night of her trip, a Gala event is presented to the ticket holders of her tier. She proceeds to engage in all the events and after hours debauchery. It goes without a say that anyone in a stable and healthy precedent in life and marriage should be able to attend with no issues or worries from herself or significant other. This was not the case for D. She proceeded to tell me she was going to this DJ event which in my head signified trouble.  Given her precedent of losing control on alcohol infused situations and the sole fact that she was on her own in a city like Las Vegas, with people she had just met with and no one for me to reach out to or contact in the event of an emergency.

 

She proceeds to go through with all these experiences, although she had previously stated and promised she would conclude all activities by 11:00 PM on Wednesday in order to be productive the next day on her last day on such conference. Receive all her certificates and culminate such event with success. What I came to find out is that not only did she attended the DJ event by reaching out to a previous boyfriend of hers but she also proceeded to go to his residence in order to purchase more drugs to keep her partying streak going.  As I discovered this LIVE, she had the audacity to tell me that she only went there so that her friend could buy the drugs, and she was staying in the cab herself waiting. Which was the moment I caught her in the act by looking at her location, which then ended up on being a huge argument with the following results.

 

She proceeded to exit the cab an go into this individual’s residence. Individual that is known for facilitating drugs and entrance or accommodations into clubs and events. Individual who she had previously dated or was intimate with knowing that this was one of the benefits she was capable of acquiring from him in a previous time of her life. She proceeds to enter his residence and block her location from her husband, and stay there for multiple hours and not contact him or relate anything to him for at least a whole other 12 hours later. 12 hours in which the hotel her husband had booked for her was calling frantically since she had not been anywhere to be found or attend to her check out or her “new reservation for another night” until 6 PM the next day. As the hotel calls me, she is elusive about her whereabouts or answering phone calls. It does not come to a resolution until 8 PM that day where she had been or what she had being doing. Which ended up on her not being able to drive back home that day like she had stated she would. But doing so the next day in a rush, with barely any time to rest before going into her shift to work for the rest of the night, not giving any time to talk to her husband about the situation that had just happened or how mind-blowing deceiving it was.

 

As excuses and apologies are given from her end. The audacity to complain about her limited time to execute her duties and her current struggles are not absent.  The following day as we receive our daughter from being cared for by her grandparents, she proceeds to sleep the entire day, constantly complaining about her pains and lack of sleep because of her wrong decisions and negligence taken in Las Vegas. One of her biggest concerns in life is not spending enough time with her daughter on days she does have her but she is too incapable of putting the effort into doing so. Situation which could have been easily catered to by her just waking up within enough time. At this point, I am personally demoralized and hurt about all that has happened, yet I let her sleep some longer and wake up to make time to spend with our daughter before she goes to work herself again, which only ended up on more complaining and protesting from D’s side.  First because of the fact given that she was not fed all day. Then because she had been woken up after sleeping for 12 hours, for the sole purpose of being fed and spending time with her family before she had to go on to her next shift. In addition, having to constantly be woken up so that she would not be late to her shift or getting ready for it with enough time. All things she complained about and threw an attitude against before getting up and get ready for work.  Actions she did with an attitude, expressing her pain and tiredness from actions she had done while being in Las Vegas alone while disrespecting her husband.

 

I know I went on a rant right there. Excuse me if I did. After all I have narrated and expressed, would you not be pushed to your limits and at the very edge of constantly having to either withhold or manifest some deep-rooted case of anger??? I have not exaggerated nor given in full detail, situations that have either manifested or encouraged me to narrate the events in this piece. It is only summarized details. I am more than capable of assuming my faults, but I was a peaceful, well-loved, and cherished individual that is now going through some of the toughest moments of his life and does not have the support or encouragement of his wife, only the details you have read thus far. So, what is a man supposed to do? You have read everything from, betrayal to criminal activity and more. What should someone like me should do if I have anything to pay for? I will more than gladly do it, but has this narrative not served of enough evidence of how someone can use an abuse someone like me and expect no consequences, yet is able to constantly complain and object about her life situations and pass the blame elsewhere? I would love for someone to explain it to me differently because at this moment I am willing to end my life as it serves no purpose to anyone. Not her, not our daughter and not me for sure. I am just tired of this entitlement and manipulation and me being guilted or blamed for all occurrences when I have been done wrong from the very beginning, starting with a lifelong venereal disease, to many more instances that only deteriorate my trust and hope for this marriage.

 

 

[Gemsforeyes]

Hi Stingren-

I am so incredibly sorry for the trauma and experiences that you’re going through.  If you can, just try and take a few breaths, calm yourself down just a bit.  There is so much here, and no, your post did not come through as a “rant”.  These are your experiences.

First, the herpes.  I understand this first hand.  I wasn’t given a “choice” or voice in the matter either.  I’m sure that I’m way older than you.  I’m a 66-year old woman.  And a boyfriend gave me this lifelong “gift” back in 1979.  At the time I actually saw something on him and I asked what it was…I knew nothing about this STI at the time as I was 22 and pretty inexperienced.  He lied and told me he had caught himself in his pants zipper.  And a few weeks later, I came down with a horrible case of something???? , so bad that I had my mom accompany to the male Gyno!  Oh my GOD… so there was that.  But the doctor was great, and he told us not to worry, that he saw an average of 10 cases per week (1979).  It wasn’t going to kill me and the biggest issue would be telling future partners upfront and likely having a c-section if and when I had a child to be safe.  That’s obviously not an issue for men.  But telling people upfront is an issue.

I did a lot of research.  And in my subsequent dating life, I’d take things slow and then decide if a man I dated was a person I wanted to be with.  If yes, I’d tell him and give him time to think.  If not, I’d end things.  I can tell you that the vast majority of the men did say they “didn’t care”.  There were quite a few who told me, after my disclosure, that they also had it.  But they likely had no plan of telling me.  One was my ex-NPD/BPD husband.  The other was my exBPDbf.

Here’s the thing, my generation experienced our sexual coming of age in the years before HIV/AIDS, so the importance, knowledge about and use of condoms was way less than in the years after about 1982.  This could explain why older people have a different view of herpes than younger people.  We knew “G” and syphyllis (sp?) to be the diseases that caused infertility and horrible outcomes.  And then AIDS.  We had a lot of friends who died of AIDS.  So we had little reaction once we understood the comparative downsides of herpes. 

You can still hold your head up, my friend.  You don’t have to be less disappointed in your wife’s failure to disclose, but I guarantee, she is definitely NOT alone in this failure.  I’m not excusing the behavior and believe me, I’ve seen it.  But there’s nothing you can do.  It was a fear of rejection.  It was shame.  That is a very prevalent thing.

I think if you’re able to tamp down your rage around that deception and move toward forgiving that failure, that disappointment, you can perhaps see your way more clearly toward what your next steps may need to be.  There is a chance that she may be feeling your rage toward her (I’m guessing), and she may be violently acting out in response.  I don’t know…

Your life has great value.  It’s important that you know that.  It’s also important to remember that in the midst of this chaos and disorder, you deserve to care for yourself.  Whether that means taking a walk listening to music you love or sitting for a cup of coffee or tea with a well-loved friend or family member, do that.

We can address the other items in follow up discussions.  But first, there is something you can do, something we all need to do within these very trying circumstances, especially where violence is involved.  We have to learn how to stop making things worse.  This does NOT mean you are to blame.  So when you have some time, please look at the top of this page at the TOOLS, and scroll down.  There’s a video that may be helpful and there are also some reading workshops that may help.

In addition, you are permitted to anonymously call a domestic violence hotline for assistance anytime you want.  I know that oftentimes men are reluctant to avail themselves of these services.  You do not need to be afraid to reach out for help.  You deserve help.  Please know that.  You do not need to hide what is happening to you.

Finally, a few questions:
how long did y’all date before marriage, how long have you been married, and when did her solo Las Vegas trip take place?

Does your SD8 (stepdaughter 8) spend time with her bio dad?

I know this was a lot to begin with, S.

Please stay with us.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[Pook075]

So, what is a man supposed to do?

Hello and welcome to the forum.  I can see that you're in incredible pain and I am so very sorry the relationship has not been what you expected. Despite everything that's happened, it all comes down to the seven words you wrote above.

So, what is a man supposed to do?

For now, in this moment, a man is supposed to heal, to let go of all the heartache that came from a bad relationship.  So much of what happened was outside your control and now it's eating away at you while you try to make sense of it all.  I can summarize everything that happened in two simple words though, why she did everything she did.  Are you ready for them?

She's sick.

I know that doesn't bring any comfort in the moment, but in time it will be a major revelation. Everything that happened was due to your wife's imbalance from a mental condition that is largely outside her control. The key to all of this, the key to you healing and recovering is realizing that your wife didn't mean to harm you, she is simply sick and made some very costly mistakes in her life.

Why will this realization matter?  Because you're searching so hard for the why- what you did wrong or what you missed that would have prevented all of this.  Maybe there was nothing at all, or maybe there were many things that you overlooked.  Either way, the "why" is mental illness combined with the fact that you aren't a mental health professional that could have "saved her" or "cured her".  She's sick and this is not your fault.

Here's the thing though, the catch 22, if you will.  It is very hard to heal when you're consumed with anger and rage.  Letting it out is healthy, therapeutic even, and nobody here will judge you for it.  We've all been there with someone in our lives.  But on the other hand, you can't keep that anger inside...it's not yours and it doesn't belong to you...even though its all you can see at the moment.  You have to let it go in order to begin healing.

Now, we're not talking forgiveness...not yet anyway.  That's a good ways down the road.  The only goal right now is accepting three things:

1) You have to heal to be able to move past this.
2) She's sick and it is not your fault.
3) Letting go of the rage will allow you to heal.

For now, the next 24 hours, I would recommend talking this out with someone in person. Do you happen to have a therapist that's helping you through this?  Or a relative that lives nearby?  Please let us know what your plans are to work though this in a healthy way.

Please feel free to ask questions, rant away, or whatever you need to do in order to get some peace.  We're here for you.

[livednlearned]

Wow. stingren, you've been to hell and back, more than once.

It's excruciating to feel this level of pain, I know. Like others have said, she sounds very sick.

I'm glad you're sharing what you've been through. People here understand. What happens in these marriages when the behaviors are undeniably extreme and unmanageable can be hard to describe.

I was a peaceful, well-loved, and cherished individual that is now going through some of the toughest moments of his life and does not have the support or encouragement of his wife, only the details you have read thus far

To make sure I'm following, do you mean that there is more going on in your life on top of what you're going through with your wife?

Let us know how things are playing out. It sounds like you're in a period of very high conflict and you're understandably angry. Her behavior is outrageous. Is your step daughter staying with you at the moment?

How do these types of episodes typically wind down? It seems like your safety, your wife's safety, the safety of SD8 is a concern when things peak like this.

We can walk with you as you decompress. What's most helpful for you at the moment, what kind of support can we offer?

[SinisterComplex]

Hey Stingren welcome to the fam.  

My friend I assure you that you found the right place. There are no words to explain how much torment you have been through. The one thing I can assure you here...when I tell you we get it and we understand here I mean it. Trust me. You are among friends who will have your back. You will not have to feel you have to over explain or that this audience won't understand. We do. With that said please continue to engage with the community. There are a lot of our members here who have been in similar circumstances. Most importantly is that it doesn't matter who has been in worse circumstances or not because at the end of the day all of the situations all of us here have been through and faced have sucked and no person should have to go through it.

I know you are in a lot of pain right now and I understand how hard all of this is. You can call it a S storm or a clusterF and that sums it up. Okay, so we know that. So now the focus needs to be on helping you heal.

YOU matter and your LIFE matters. YOU have a lot more value than you realize and understand. My friend no one deserves to determine your value other than yourself okay?

So my friend head up and continue to vent, share, and ask as many questions as you need to. We are truly here for you.

In the meantime please heed my words....Please be kind to YOU and please focus on taking care of yourself. Do not take this for granted.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[Turkish]

stingren, 

The three of you haven't been safe for a while now. This is ṭoo much for you to handle alone. Does anyone in your real life know the extent of all of this? Do you know the bio dad well at all?  SD8 needs a safe place more than anyone. Suffering alone is horrible and no one should, or could deal with all of this.  Have you thought about calling an anonymous DV hotline? People are trained to help, even if just to talk.

Turkish