My borderline 22 yr old daughter

[Tchabs1]

This morning I am writing from a place of anger, confusion and sadness. My 22 yr old daughter was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. She has been put in the mental hospital twice. The second time she continued IOP right after being released. She has had two suicide attempts. The first time she stood in the middle of traffic and just yesterday she held a knife to her body threatening to stab herself

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Oh Tchabs1!
There are no words I can think for the situation you are in. You would be swamped with every emotion as you try to understand and cope with the pain of this.

You are in my thoughts as you try to work through this latest crisis, and I hope you find the strength to cope. I am glad you have come here to let us know what is happening for you. BPD is something so little understood, yet has such a profound effect on the person concerned and everyone in their life circle.

Sending thoughts . . .

[BPDstinks]

Good Morning!  As i read this, i sadly feel, numb. My 24 y/o daughter has 3 attempts (that i know of, as she is no longer speaking to me) and i remember the first like it was yesterday (getting that call from the mental hospital, knowing NOTHING was WRONG!) I will light a candle for you & your family this weekend!  Know you are not alone

[CC43]

Tchabs,

Anger, confusion and sadness are understandable and justified.  Watching a beloved daughter self-destruct can make you feel all those things.  Sometimes witnessing a loved one suffer can hurt more than one's own suffering because we feel so helpless.  So to your list I'd add helplessness, bewilderment, despair, mourning and loss.

My diagnosed stepdaughter is a little older than yours, and probably has traveled a similar path.  She's had four suicide attempts.  I've lost count of how many hospital stays she's had.  She's received world-class treatment (McLean), but even that didn't seem to work at first.  She had to hit bottom, twice, before she realized SHE needed to change in order to feel better.  Until then she was blaming everyone else for her own poor choices and dysfunctional behavior, and she wasn't committed to therapy.

Maybe my stepdaughter had to exhaust all therapeutic options before the doctors explained to her that, the next time she tried to commit suicide, she would be committed against her will, because they'd already tried everything to help her and nothing seemed to work.  That was probably a wake-up call for her.  Another ultimatum came from her dad, who said that any continued financial support was contingent on her following the doctors' treatment plan.  She could choose to go her own way, but then she'd have to come up with her own money.

I'm writing to say that you aren't alone; many people on these boards have faced similar challenges.  You're also not to blame.  Your daughter is an adult, and she is responsible for her choices, no matter how misguided.  She's the one who needs to decide her approach isn't working anymore and that she's ready for therapy.  If she threatens or attempts suicide, you need to call 911 and get her to the hospital.  You can only hope that she'll learn that such gestures have consequences, sooner rather than later.

Finally I want to give you some hope.  My stepdaughter was in a bad way, and I felt that her probability of giving up and killing herself was pretty high, as she had dark moods and extreme impulsivity.  As I said, she tried it four times.  But since she heard the ultimatums and was desperate for things to get better, she started to work with her doctors and therapist.  She's making some progress in the right direction.  Though she's had some setbacks and she's developmentally still lagging behind, she's in a much better place now than a year ago.  And I think she's young enough to learn how to cope better with her emotions.

[CoffeeFirst]

I am so sorry.
Many of us know how scary this is, and how you will be on “high alert” all the time.
A child threatening/attempting suicide is horrific for their parents, and there is little to no acknowledgement of this or support from health care teams.

I found tremendous comfort and support from doing an online (Zoom) Family Connections 13 week program with other parents with children with BPD. The primary focus is building skills in DBT, but the relief in talking with other parents was also important for me. To not feel so alone and inept, seemingly unable to make things any better.

You may want to see if that program might suit you too.

Caring for someone with BPD is not only about supporting them. You have to support yourself too.
❤️❤️❤️