poetry from a BPD

[hiddenlizard]

He sent this to me one night last week:

I pray you dream of flowers and dogs

That you hike a pretty canyon

That you cross a nice bridge

That you feel a warm wind

I say that you are of joy and kindness

That you are fit and lean

That you wear a nice smile

That you feel warm in my arms

These are my hopes when I have hopes

My joys when I have joys

Stars we can never touch

but still admire their beauty

Years we can never recoup

but wisdom must have been

I pray that you dream of sunshine and home

That you taste sweet morning

That you exhale again and again

That you find a treasure and keep it secret

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He said he wrote it.

The next morning he was back to the self-pity and accusations.

[DAS]

 Ya.

I know how the rollercoaster felt so thrilling when it was on the up side.

Even though it has been months.

Just remember the crashes more.

[Stargirl]

Hi hiddenlizard,

I hope you´ll not feel that i hi-jack your thread now... .but I came to think about a poem my ex wrote in the very beginning of our relationship and I can say that I read it more "clearly" now then I did at the time (even do it raised a few questions at the time... ) I think you´ll understand how I mean.

I´ll get revenge if you leave me

by leaving you

if that dosen´t help then I want to

be your loved one again

if you don´t love me anymore

I´ll get revenge by hating you

if I hate you I love you

you know what I mean

but you only hear what I say

as an excuse to leave me

Textbook stuff as I see it now. And truely sad.

[fogbound]

  Re: poetry from a BPD

« Reply #2 on: Today at 03:42:37 PM » Quote 

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Hi Stargirl. 

I´ll get revenge if you leave me

by leaving you

if that dosen´t help then I want to

be your loved one again

if you don´t love me anymore

I´ll get revenge by hating you

if I hate you I love you

you know what I mean

but you only hear what I say

as an excuse to leave me

That should be the BPD national anthem.

[Stargirl]

Yes, national anthem of BPDland.

I have another poem he wrote also, it´s too long to write here now but it´s about trying to escape blame (or something percieved as blame), and doing that by lying and diversions, and lecturing ("but how many times have you been wrong/and how many times have I been right", a bit of black and white thinking maybe... ). It ends with the "I" trying to get the "you" to stop crying: "can you stop/I actually get sad when you cry". No comment necessary I guess.

Well, I can´t blame him for not telling me anyway... .

Sometimes they tell us directly in words, and sometimes they "tell" us, as hiddenlizard wrote, in the discrepansy between their words (and actions) one day and their actions (and words) the other day.

[fogbound]

I'm sorry stargirl but I have to ask you, as much as asking myself, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING BY STAYING IN THIS WITH THAT KIND OF PATHOLOGY SO VISABLE?  Yes, I know the answer already because I did the same thing. But I just had to say it.

[Stargirl]

I´ll repeat it and say: WHAT WERE I THINKING BY STAYING IN THIS WITH THAT KIND OF PATHOLOGY SO VISABLE? I have found the answers to that question, mayber moore to find but the core reasons I really know of now. But, thank you reevega (don´t be sorry!), I had to be reminded of the question right now. Maybe it doesn´t make sense to you with this few words, but thank you!

[2010]

From Ten beliefs that can get you stuck: Number 6) Clinging to the words that were said

"We often cling to the positive words and promises that were voiced and ignore or minimize the negative actions.

Many wonderful and expressive things may have been said during the course of the relationship, but people suffering from BPD are dreamers, they can be fickle, and they over express emotions like young children - often with little thought for long term implications.

You must let go of the words. It may break your heart to do so. But the fact is, the actions - all of them - are your truth."

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

[2010]

Jeez Stargirl- that's some crazy ___.  He sounds like a psychopath. I wonder if he had used that one before and it was successful? They usually have a repertoire of things. Which means he was crazy BEFORE he met you.

[hiddenlizard]

You are welcome to hi-jack, Stargirl. That poem is kinda scary.

I found my poem to be so sweet and sad at the same time. It seemed to me that he does have some idea of what it is like to care about someone else *and* be feeling the need to let it go, or maybe it is nothing but BS. I think it caused me to feel sorry for him and that was my next mistake.

[innerspirit]

Wow did this bring up a flashback!

Here's what X wrote as lyrics to a blues, a few years back.  Only took 12 bars to be prophetic:

"My world -- begins and ends with you.

My world -- begins and ends with you.

If you're not in my world,

Another world will have to do."