OK - I see what the "Don'ts" are. But, what do we do? My wife baits and tries to force me into arguments all the time. When I get accused of things I didn't do, what do I do? When she sends me an email with a dozen different accusations, or questions posed to start an argument, what do I do?
What you've been doing hasn't helped things get better. It's actually made them worse, since by allowing her to verbally abuse you, she has lost a lot of respect for you. To change things, you need to make some changes in what you can control - YOU>
Your wife has trouble controlling her emotions. To her, feelings = facts.
So if her emotions get out of control, she can't cope with them, so she needs to find something to blame it on - typically we are the fortunate ones in the line of fire What she is doing is abusive to you - and - it is an unhealthy way for her to cope with her emotions. She needs to feel
her emotions, instead of avoiding them and dumping them all onto you. Growth only occurs when you learn, and the only way to learn is to go through it, not avoid it.
So, when she starts, you can try to validate her emotions and offer some empathetic understanding. If that doesn't work, then you take your time out and allow her to deal with her emotions on her own. Be a mirror, not a sponge