Residential Treatment: Journal of 12 Month Journey

[qcarolr]

Hi lbjnltx,

I have been thinking of you a lot since your D has been gone. What really got my attention was the comment "she has been there (residential treatment center) 17 days". I can only try to imagine how much you miss her. She seems to be such a big part of your day to day life. Now your latest post is so filled with anguish that she seems to be happy to get away from you, content to be at the residential treatment center, and yet sends a card to your dh. This has to be so painful for you. And their concerns about her dx and wanting to do additional testing is seems very concerning.

I hope you can take my message in the spirit intended - to be supportive of this difficult time for you. What were your expectations when your D went to the residential treatment center? How have these expectations been fulfilled or unfulfilled? It must feel somewhat invalidating to have all the information you provided seemingly not being given the weight you perceived it would.

Please give the residential treatment center some time to do the thorough evaluations they see necessary. They have worked with so many other adolescents and maybe can see a bigger picture that is blurred or not available for you. They do not have the emotional attachment that you, as the mom, appropriately do. This is one reason an out of home placement can bring new things to light. Maybe the new testing and ongoing evalation and possibly unexpected treatments will give your D a new chance to make progress with her complexities.

And try to give yourself a break - stop counting the days, let go of the needing to know. You seem to be such an intelligent, compassionate woman. Take this opportunity to find some new outlets for this energy so you can take in the emotional impact of whatever is to come.

And then maybe the card to husband, the stated not missing you (and your ideas, control, consequences,etc ) will all turn out to be her way of dealing with her feelings of seperation from you. My DD24 always, even as a very young child, pushed me away with her actions when she was needing me the most. Sometimes the only way I could deal with this was to step back, way back, until she was able to reach out to me in a different way.

So hang in there, find that immense wealth of patience that you have within you, and most of all TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I will keep you and your whole family in my prayers for a hopeful and positive outcome the the residential treatment center experience.

qcr   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

My son's rehab was substance abuse not BPD, but I see a lot of parallels.  I did some volunteer work for the rehab after he left, working with other parents, and one of the big lessons was, "When it's going good, that could change at any time.  When it's going bad, that could change at any time.  Don't over-react, and don't let your own health and well-being be too affected by your kid's daily ups and downs."[/quote]
Matt - I need to put this quote in big letters where I can see it every morning. It is so easy to get pulled into a false sense of reality so quickly and then suffer so much just as fast. Thanks for sharing your story about your son. I wish him success with his appeal and even more success when he gets out of prison.

qcr

[qcarolr]

got another call from BPDd-13's t.  she has consulted w/the clinical director, another therapist, and will consult w/BPDd-13's pdoc tomorrow.  so far the consensus is that the spect scan would be beneficial.  she used a phrase that I have used often to describe my d:  "she is a walking contradiction"   I had thought in the past that the reason why no progress was being made w/BPDd-13 using the multitude of tools, advice, therapy knowledge, was because of the combo of odd and BPD.  therapist says "No.  I don't think so".  wow!  she says that things don't seem to "click" in BPDd-13's head.  "something's just not right".     well of course somethings just not right... .she's in a residential treatment center for petes' sake! 

lbjnltx - sorry for all the replies today, but was thinking on all this - so many things came up in my head had to get organized. Anyway, the part here really makes me ponder the effects of my DD24's right-brain disability as a major contributor to her mental health issues. She has never had a scan, but the neuropsych testing has given pretty conclusive results, consistently over time that this is a major area of conflict for her to be successful in her life. I just never had tools, still don't nor do her therapits, on how to work with this. And there was never any money to go after the specialists that may have contributed as they were not on any of our plans ever.

So it sounds like a really good direction that the residential treatment center is taking this right now - what the shorthand for 'my humble opinion'.

thinking of you all, qcr

[lbjnltx]

Dear qcarol,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.  Yes, I miss her a great deal but I am also enjoying the drama free home environment and feel much more peaceful.  The reason I count the days is because we have to wait 21 days to talk to her.  I sent an email to her therapist at the residential treatment center that if it is not a good idea for BPDd-13 to talk to me this week then can she talk to my husband only.  My husband is more anxious than I am about talking to her.  He did get to talk to her on father's day briefly and said she sounded good.

After giving much thought to the statements that her therapist has made to me I understand now what the problem is.  The therapist has no real experience w/BPD.  She doesn't understand why my d "hates her mom"  BLACK AND WHITE THINKING, INABILITY TO HOLD OPPOSSING THOUGHTS IN HER MIND, she doesn't understand why BPDd-13 has aligned herself w/the emo subculture... NO SENSE OF SELF, TAKING ON CHARACTERISTICS OF PERSONS AROUND HER, she doesn't understand why BPDd-13 can have such a desire to work w/have relationships w/young children... .EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY AND THEY ARE NOT INTERPERSONAL,  she doesn't  understand the fine line between interpersonal relationships and relationships defined by how deeply attached BPDd-13 is to certain people,  she doesn't understand how BPDd-13 is fine one minute and changes when slightly challenged... .TRIGGERING, she doesn't understand that BPDd-13 has NO EMPATHY in her INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS,  she doesn't understand that she is being MANIPULATED, she doesn't understand BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER!

This is the situation w/her individual therapist.  While I do understand that a spect scan could be beneficial... .after all the more you know the better things will be... .I think that the therapist is asking for one because she doesn't understand BPD  and thinks there must be a brain injury... .not necessarily so!  So what to do about this... .request a different personal therapist who has experience w/ borderline adolescents.  How to go about this tactfully is the task at hand.  BPDd-13's therapist here at home has offered to help the therapist at the residential treatment center... .ok if they want to share info but I am not paying 7500 / month to educate a therapist... .

I spoke w/ the Positive Peer Culture leader... .he has BPDd-13's number ok!  Says she is playing games right now.  Says she is hinting at having drug and alcohol problems... .not true!  Once more she is taking on the characteristics of the group around her... .most of the other girls have had these problems.  BPD 13 has lied about such things in the past to her friends at school, just like she lied about being pregnant and having an abortion... .

I am hoping to get the transcribed notes of the pdoc at the residential treatment center very soon.  I don't even know if he did any testing and no one at the residential treatment center seems to know either.  They have to wait for the transcription.  If the testing and notes from the pdoc come back indicating what all of her other tests have indicated, I think it will be much easier to transition BPDd-13 to another therapist at the residential treatment center... .if not... .oh boy!  Either way, I will request a different therapist.  I like the therapist she has now, she is very willing to communicate, listen and seems to be open minded but she is BPD clueless.

You ask what I expected... .I didn't expect a 13 yr. old to be able to confuse and manipulate a therapist.  I didn't expect the therapist to have little to no understanding of the disorder that I clearly explained, provided concrete evidence of , and pleaded for help with.  I didn't expect to be concerned that this facility would not be able to understand my daughter.  I still have high hopes that they can and will help her through another therapist.  I did not understand from day 1 why this therapist was assigned to my BPDd-13.  I guess I have been validated  

As usual, I will do my best to get my BPDd-13 the help she needs.  We just can't afford to pay the high price of the residential treatment center while they educate themselves on her disorder.      I was assured they had the level of knowledge and experience to help her out of this... .apparently some do and some don't.  The some that do need to be identified and step up!

lbjnltx

[Matt]

Yes, it must be frustrating, but don't despair.  Getting her regular therapist in touch with the RTC therapist seems like a good idea.  Your daughter is a unique individual, and while it would be better if the RTC therapist had more experience with BPD, it's still a good thing that you got her into a facility where she can get help from professionals;  I don't think therapy is an exact science, and they always have to figure out each individual.  Hang in there!

[qcarolr]

as usual, I will do my best to get my BPDd-13 the help she needs.  we just can't afford to pay the high price of the residential treatment center while they educate themselves on her disorder.      i was assured they had the level of knowledge and experience to help her out of this... .apparently some do and some don't.  the some that do need to be identified and step up!

lbjnltx - This is probably the most frustrating thing - having to teach the teachers! The good part is your D is young, it is early in the process at the residential treatment center, and you have a great amount of skill - you will find the 'tactful' way to get the best therapist for your d. And her shell is bound to show some cracks as time goes by so more staff will get the picture. I am feeling very sad today as I cannot do this for my DD24 as I am 'just the mom' with no authority to communicate with the mental health staff for them to persevere with my DD instead of writing her off as 'uncooperative and manipulative', therefore they seem to believe they cannot help her. DD cannot get them to assign a different T to her case no matter how she asks - the one they just re-assigned gave up on D 2 years ago. D has so many trust issues with her and that whole system.

Good Luck - keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. qcr

[LionDreamer]

Hi lbjnltx,  Just wanted to stop by and say I'm following your story and thinking of you.  This sounds so complicated and to add in the emotional issue of this being your dd must be frustrating and painful.   

It sounds to me like you are on top of the therapist situation.   Is there a head therapist?  A manager?  To whom you can explain what you have explained to us.   I agree with you, its one thing to move slowly on getting a handle on things at say public school which is not costing extra, but to do so at a center which costs more than a college sounds dicey at best. 

Stay on them maybe you can come to some sort of accommodation about this,

LD

[lbjnltx]

Dear ld,

The problem I foresee in approaching the clinical director is that she was the one who assured me that they had the knowledge and experience to help such a troubled child.  Also, my BPDd-13's residential treatment center therapist's request for the spect scan was reaffirmed w/the clinical director and another therapist there.  In other words, the therapist has already gotten them on board w/the idea that there is something physically (brain damage) wrong w/BPDd-13 instead of looking at her confusing behaviors through the "eyes" of her BPD dx.   ;p

Dear qcarol,

I'm sorry that you are sad today.  While I am frustrated you are in pain. :'(  thanks for reminding me that I still have some power in my BPDd-13's life and getting her the help she needs.  There is always something good in a frustrating situation... .sometimes we just have to look really hard to find it.



lbjnltx

[qcarolr]

l texted DD "What is the next best thing u can do for urself that u can do without depending on anyone else?"

Her reply "Just Die".

I wish she would choose to go to the ER. Should I take her, call 911. I don't know where she is. She texted back that nothing will ever work for her, and this is sure her life experience.

I can't just give up on her today. I'll keep you posted later.

qcr.

[tammy]

qcarolr; I'm so sorry your daughter is feeling this way. That she is communicating with you is good. There's so much stress with the impending disability decision, jail and her bf being more busy. I hope the day gets better for both of you.

lbjnltx, I can not count the number of therapists who have just given up on my daughter over the last 16 plus years. BPD doesn't offer an easy fix and therapists, like everyone else, want results they want to feel effective and competent. There usually aren't quick results or obvious break throughs treating it, our BPDs (along with their loved ones) seem to have to relearn how to process, express and deal with their emotions and retrain many of their behaviors and reactions. It's a long work in progress! I think many of my d's therapists just switched the diagnosis to go with the week! Somehow we convinced our daughter to stick with the process and to keep trying new things. I understand that's not so easy when they are being managed by someone else!

It certainly couldn't hurt to check out every possible avenue. I imagine as  scientist/doctors her residential treatment center team has to follow a protocol of ruling things out and narrowing their diagnosis. My daughter was always grateful to have things completely eliminated from the long list of possibilities! Maybe your daughter will feel the same way. Hopefully as they navigate their way through this their conclusion will come in line with what you already know!

I don't have any concrete advice but am following your daughter's treatment and your journey to help her and am thinking about both of you.

[snooky77]

My daughter went to a residential treatment center in Minneapolis MN for exactly 9 months when she was 14. They specialized in young girls with BPD traits. It was exactly what she needed at the time and I will be forever grateful for this program and the impact that it had on her.  My daughter just turned 20 and she does occasionally talk about the Childrens Residantial Treatment Center that she went to in a negative light. The thing she talks about most, regarding her experience there, is that her siblings didn't visit her very often. I took the position that Annie had gotten herself into CRTC and that we had a opportunity for a much needed break.  While she was gone we functioned as a normal family and had a lot of fun. I remember sitting my other 4 children down (they were 13,16,17 and 20) and telling them that we were not going to mope around and be sad while Annie was away. I told them that they could help us by focusing on themselves and be the best that they could be. Look at residential as a gift that you are giving your daughter and yourself and make the most of it. It will expand her horizons and will help her in ways that your don't even realize yet. Be proud of yourself for coming to this point and let go.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Thank you for you insightful posts friends,

I do see the residential treatment center as a gift to my BPDd-13.  I must say that there have been some very positive developments for my d in the last few days.  She is beginning to see that the problems in her life come from within.  Her therapist told me last night that they  were at the coral having a therapy session and were observing 2 horses eating from the same bucket.  One horse (her project horse) was using his manners (yes horses can have manners) and the other was stomping, pushing, and nipping at her horse.  Her therapist asked her "what does that remind you of?"  BPDd-13 replied

"my relationship w/my mom"  therapist asked her "which horse  is you and which horse is your mom?"  BPDd-13 said "the nice one is my mom and the naughty one is me"  therapist said to her "last week you told me your mom was mean"  BPDd-13 said "she has changed alot since she started reading all those weird books.  my mom and dad have done a lot of work to try to make things better but I didn't because I didn't want to."  WOW!  THE EGG HAS CRACKED!  I know this is just the beginning of the work to be done but we are so very glad that she is at least beginning... .it has been a long road to get here and the journey ahead will be fraught w/ups and downs yet I rejoice that at least my d has joined us on the journey and won't be left behind!  PRAISE GOD!

I am relatively sure that word got back to the clinical director as well as BPDd-13's therapist that we were concerned that therapist didn't understand BPDd-13/BPD traits and how they can be manifested in our d.  I could tell that there was a coolness to her tone and she was much more reserved.  We will not get to talk to our bp13 this week as we thought. The therapist thinks BPDd-13 needs more time to think and figure out some things. We will have a family therapy session next Thursday am (more like a monitored 4 way call w/t) before the social calls can begin.  My husband talked to the therapist on the phone as well last night and gave her a clearer picture of his relationship w/BPDd-13.  The therapist was under the impression that I was the only problem relationship BPDd-13 has.     NOT!

I spoke w/her therapist here at home and he is very willing to help.  I told  him it would be best to let residential treatment center therapist initiate the call. I told residential treatment center therapist the same last nite and she didn't say one way or the other if she would call therapist here at home.  We will wait and see.  I also asked her if she would like for me to send her some info (real life examples) of how BPD thinking plays out in people's lives.  I made it clear that it is not instructions on how to counsel or help... .only explanatory  of BPD.  She said "Yes.  I would rather have too much info than not enough". The therapist also told me that the clinical director will now be working w/my d in equine therapy once a week.  I guess my statement of concern has put a bit of life into the treatment team.  I hope this is all for the good of everyone involved.  We will have to wait and see if the therapist can learn quickly and stop being manipulated!  

Please continue to keep my family in your prayers as well as the treatment team at Falcon Ridge.

 lbjnltx

[whiletheseasonspass]

and I do see the residential treatment center as a gift to my BPDd-13.  I must say that there have been some very positive developments for my d in the last few days.  she is beginning to see that the problems in her life come from within.  her therapist told me last night that they  were at the coral having a therapist session and were observing 2 horses eating from the same bucket.  one horse (her project horse) was using his manners (yes horses can have manners) and the other was stomping, pushing, and nipping at her horse.  her therapist asked her "what does that remind you of?"  BPDd-13 replied

"my relationship w/my mom"  therapist asked her "which horse  is you and which horse is your mom?"  BPDd-13 said "the nice one is my mom and the naughty one is me"  therapist said to her "last week you told me your mom was mean"  BPDd-13 said "she has changed alot since she started reading all those weird books.  my mom and dad have done a lot of work to try to make things better but I didn't because I didn't want to."  WOW!  THE EGG HAS CRACKED!  I know this is just the beginning of the work to be done but we are so very glad that she is at least beginning... .it has been a long road to get here and the journey ahead will be fraught w/ups and downs yet I rejoice that at least my d has joined us on the journey and won't be left behind!  PRAISE GOD!

lbj,

Wow!  Such promises lay in your D's observations of her mother reading "weird" books and your changes as a mother as she perceives them and in her own honesty and awareness about herself and that she is the "naughty horse" and in her awareness that you are the "nice horse".     

All I can say to that is WOW!   I think it is HUGE.  And yes.  THE EGG HAS INDEED CRACKED. 

a T once told me that gaining awareness is a good piece on the journey toward wellness.  Your D seems like she is already growing aware. 

 

wtsp

[lbjnltx]

Yes! wtsp... .will you do the happy dance with me?  

lbjnltx

[Matt]

But please stay balanced and be ready for some big bumps in the road.  Everything might continue to go well but if you talk to the staff there I bet they'll tell you that it's usually not that way.  You can't be too confident when things go well, or too worried when there are problems. 

This is encouraging and I hope the worst is past, but these things usually don't go smoothly - there are usually good days and bad days.  So take several steps back and don't over-react when things go well or poorly.

Matt

[lbjnltx]

I know I know... .can't I just be happy for a little while?

If everything goes smoothly from here on out I would doubt that BPDd-13 is doing any REAL work on herself!

lbjnltx

[Javlyn]

qcr- that is so painful and hard to hear your D text back  "Just die" - getting stuck into the deecision on what to do ---Prayers are with you --its soo hard to sit by and do nothing ------thats the hold they have on us ----do they really mean it? or manipulating us? Be well -----if you ave written on another post - I will try and get a reply there - You are in my thoughts!

[qcarolr]

qcr- that is so painful and hard to hear your D text back  "Just die" - getting stuck into the deecision on what to do ---Prayers are with you --its soo hard to sit by and do nothing ------thats the hold they have on us ----do they really mean it? or manipulating us? Be well -----if you ave written on another post - I will try and get a reply there - You are in my thoughts!

I do have a seperate thread - didn't mean to hijack this one.

lbjnltx  - thanks for the pm and all your support. I am so glad there is a little light starting to shine in your D. That's really what I pray for with mine - the light of guidance - an open mind to get it - courage and confidence to use it. I have just begun to mention some DBT ideas to my DD as she has not been open enough til now to even hear the words. I have mentioned acceptance and mindfulness to lessen the suffering from painful events in her life that just are reality and willingness to take on life even filled with pain vs. willfulness to fight against her reality. Trying to plant some seeds so if a dbt group opening comes up she can be in a place to choose to go. So far she refuses to 'do anything in a group - it is private and non of their business'. But this is what she needs on a weekly basis - not seeing an uncaring T once a month.

Sorry - there goes my hijacking again. qcr  

[lbjnltx]

Dear qcarol,

Hi jack away sweety.  You are welcome here.  I hope that the positive events in my BPDd-13's treatment will spark or keep alive hope within many.

Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice... .

Even God practices dbt skills!

lbjnltx

[peaceplease]

lbjlntx,

May you have many more positive events! 

peaceplease

[lbjnltx]

Hello friends,

Today we had our first conversation w/BPDd-13 via telephone.  Her individual therapist was present and participated w/dh and I.  it went very well... .so well that therapist brought up some issues that BPDd-13 is working on.  At first it was just small talk about how things are at home and what she is doing at the residential treatment center.  BPDd-13 really seems to like her therapist.  

The therapist told us that BPDd-13 is charting her ups and downs designated by BPDd-13 as good, neutral,and sad and how labeling events like school and chores can carry over into other areas, and how to turn a negative into a positive.  They are also working on "thinking errors" that BPDd-13 constantly engages in.  When this was brought up BPDd-13 mentioned her 4th grade year (in my opinion and to the best of my knowledge this is when and why real trouble began for BPDd-13).  BPDd-13 asked me to tell the story about 4th grade to her therapist so I did and at the end I asked BPDd-13 if that sounded accurate to her? Did she want to add anything else? She said "Yes that describes it and no she didn't need to add anything to it."  The therapist told BPDd-13 that "you haven't been able to shake off that experience and see school in a positive way since... .that is a thinking error".

BPDd-13 also acknowledged that she is working on her anger issues.  According to the therapist she has been angry but has not been out of control nor has she raged.

The therapist brought up that BPDd-13 was nervous about the call today. My husband asked if she was nervous to talk to him too and she said yes.  I told BPDd-13 I was nervous a little too because I didn't know how she would be talking to us.  Maybe she would be angry but that I so wanted to hear her voice because I miss her so much and love her.  She said she misses us and loves us too.  We ended the conversation w/looking forward to getting to talk together again very soon.  My husband and BPDd-13 used to play beatles rock band together.  Their favorite song to do was "Eight Days a week".  My husband and I sung it to her before we hung up, everybody laughing and happy, I love yous and good byes.

The thing that stuck out the most was BPDd-13 bringing up the 4th grade... .right before she was placed in the acute care facility last year she brought it up as well.  she stated that "I know why I am this way... .because of 4th grade".  :)eep down inside she knows this is what she needs to get past, understand, re experience in a different way, and heal from... .

Thanks for reading... .I am waiting for the transcribed notes from residential treatment center pdoc (psychiatrist) visit... .waiting.  The case manager told me yesterday she has them and will send to me email.  Waiting, waiting.

lbjnltx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

lbjntx,

What happened in the fourth grade?  It sounds like things are going in the right direction.  It is great to hear positive news.   


peaceplease

[lbjnltx]

Fourth grade was a NIGHTMARE!  BPDd-13 had been at the private Christian school for 3rd grade and absolutely LOVED it.  Every kid in the school from prek-8th grade was her friend.  Classes were small 8-12 students and she adored  her teacher.  the school hired a new teacher for the 4th grade.  Apparently they didn't do a back ground check on her as she was not a stable person.  She was unable to control her classroom of 11 students even w/a full time aid and was not able to get the work done that the curriculum called for.  (it is academically superior to public school).  So BPDd-13 would come home every day w/2-4 hours of homework so that the class would not fall behind and the teacher would lose her job.  In reality the homework load was probably only 1-3 hours but for an 11 year old who has been at school all day already that is not acceptable!  I talked to principal and told him we wanted to withdraw her from the school.  He asked me to give him 2 weeks to get it straightened out and feigned ignorance of it all. I also, that same day talked to a grand parent of another boy in her class (comparing notes w/other parents) who turned out to be the president of the school board.  She too feigned some ignorance but admitted that her grandson did have too much homework.  She said she would talk to the principal as well and please let them work on this.

In the mean time my BPDd-13 was miserable!  She started saying "I hate  my life" "I wish I were dead" and became defiant... .

Anyway the same day that I tt the principal when I picked up my BPDd-13 from school her teacher came out to the car and said "I want you to know that your daughter doesn't have any homework today!"  I just smiled and said "that's great!"  Things did improve w/ the homework situation but there was some inappropriate stuff going on in the class room.  BPDd-13 did not tell me but I found out from another couple of parents.  Stuff like the teacher showing up late and no one was in the classroom w/the kids, teacher telling the students "don't tell  your parents", teacher calling students derogatory names, etc.  One night she called me crying to tell me that her pregnant best friends husband was killed in a car accident.  Why is she calling me?  I mean we aren't bffs.  Anyway... .lots of weird stuff.  By this time there had already been 4 kids that left that class.  The teacher complained that she couldn't get anything done in class because of a few boys who were misbehaving.  She said she would send them to the principal and he would send them back... .

When spring break came and my BPDd-13 had to spend the entire break working on a school project I had had enough and pulled her out and put her in public school.  I later found out that a group of parents went before the school board and complained.  The school board said "we had no idea this was going on".  Same from the principal... .anyway the whole school board resigned, principal resigned and the teacher and her aide were fired.  BPDd-13 went back to that school for 5th grade after much careful thought, meeting w/new principal, and BPDd-13 knowing her potential 5th grade teachers.  When I took BPDd-13 out of that school and put her in public school to finish 4th grade I also started her in therapy.  That is when she was dx w/odd.

So that's it.  It is hard to believe that would be enough to cause someone to have BPD traits... .then again the biological component was most likely there and the 4th grade incident was just a trigger... .

Sad sad tale!

[Jemima]

lbjnltx, I had some thoughts as I was reading your post about your daughter ... .

I had a HORRIFIC 6th grade year. I was always the "smart kid" in the class (I hate sounding snotty but it's true and relevant to the story), I even went to reading and language arts in the grade ahead. So I was resented by other kids. That year there were some girls that were from a very impoverished background who were extremely street-wise and were bullies, and the teacher basically let them run the entire class. It was terrible. I was targeted especially for being the "smart kid" in the class. I think I probably got depressed although back then who knew about childhood depression? We don't even know much now. So I truly believe there are long-term effects from being trapped in a horrible classroom situation. Whether it's enough all by itself to cause BPD, I'm not so sure though. Like you said, a biological predisposition has to be there too.

Also, I put my two oldest sons in private school too, thinking I was doing the right thing. But even though nothing really bad like you described happened, my oldest son started to hate school. The classes were small, the kids were cliquish, and he got discouraged with the high level of academics (he is very intelligent, but probably not developmentally ready for such academic rigor). My second son kept up with the class and made friends, but became VERY anxious. We didn't even realize it was the school that made him so anxious until we moved and put him in public school.

SO I really can relate to what you have been through. Hindsight is 20/20.

[qcarolr]

lbjnltx - this sounds like so much progress is being made. What validation for all your research and struggle to get her this placement. I am so happy you ended the call with such joy. It sounds like the possibility of your D learning the skills she will use the rest of her life to cope with the inevitable ups & downs are getting a good foundation.

qcr   

[lbjnltx]

Oh my, here we go again!  I talked to her therapist this am.  She is still wanting to do the brain spect scan... .Last week  I talked to the Clements Clinic... .gave them history and asked this question:  Will a spect scan make any difference for my BPDd-13?  Answer:  It depends on what the patient does w/the info gathered from the scan... .80% is up to the patient.  Continue doing therapy at the residential treatment center... .if she gets stuck in her therapy there... .call us back and we will revisit this.

The girls at the residential treatment center were cleaning the community center kitchen Sunday to get it ready for the July 4th celebration breakfast (that they prepared for the community on July 5).  BPDd-13 asked a staff member "What would you do if I drank this pine sol?"  This incident went into the weekend report and was given to the treatment team.  The therapist doesn't understand why BPDd-13 said this... .self injury issue?  She still believes there is something deeper going on in my BPDd-13.  Perhaps some sexual abuse that she is not even aware of herself... . ? :'(  How can one know for sure?  Anyway... .the therapist asked me "have you contacted your insurance co. to see if they will pay for the spect scan?"  I replied "no, but I did speak to the Clements Clinic extensively and this is what they said" (see previous paragraph).

The therapist also said that she discussed w/BPDd-13 the "hearing voices and seeing things out of the corners of her eyes".  The therapist said BPDd-13 shut her down and changed the subject. The therapist doesn't know if this is still happening or not.  She said that is one of the symptoms shown by victims of brain injury... .

We are supposed to get a social call w/BPDd-13 this week and have another family therapy session Friday am.  

Does anyone have any input that would be beneficial for me to pass on to the therapist?  Personal stories w/similarities, articles, published studies?

lbjnltx

[qcarolr]

lbjnltx  . sounds so frustrating that this t, and what about her support team there, are not used to this kind of comment that has so much potential to be manipulative. Seems like a very common type of comment to test the boundaries. My DD has done this forever. A matter of fact response such as, well if you choose to drink that you will have your stomach pumped and --- whatever the result would be at the residential treatment center.

Hope your communications this week go well. Gotta go

qcr

[lbjnltx]

Dear qcarol,

Those were my first thoughts too.  :)on't pwBPD sometimes just like to shock people?  See if they can get an emotional response?  No excuse for the demented question from BPDd-13... .just not a serious threat... .In my opionion!

Thanks for the validation

lbjnltx

Sweet dreams for you and precious gd5

[Untouched]

Hi lbjnltx, I thought I'd let you know that my dd17 has said and done similar things and it's for attention.  The staff and treatment team at her RTC place her on precautions for SI behavior when she asks those off the wall questions.  She's slowly learning to keep her mouth shut, but she's acting out in other ways.

She's in a power struggle with the staff right now and she refuses to do as they say, even though she'll remain on precautions until she listens.  She's willing to risk being transferred to an adult facility to prove her point, but she'll only be transferred if she's on precautions near her 18th birthday.  Everything is a power struggle with her. 

She's asked me in front of d7 if I would buy her a sex toy.  The list goes on and on... .nothing surprises me anymore.

Didn't mean to jump off track though... .     

[lbjnltx]

Dear Untouched,

Thanks for the reply.  How are you coping?  How long has your d been gone inpatient?  

I find that these disturbing bits of news (more the therapist not getting it) put little chinks in my armour and throw me slightly off the delicate balance that I have managed to achieve... .I need to be stronger I suppose.  It creates doubt in my mind that this therapist has the ability to help my BPDd-13.  Then I have to remind myself that she is just one of many at the residential treatment center that are trying to help my BPDd-13... .the equine therapy seems to be the most affective so far... .the therapist takes BPDd-13 to the barn and arena for individual therapist because BPDd-13 opens up more and projects onto the horses... .creating more open communication between them.  Her therapist says they are taking "baby steps".  The therapist has a good relationship w/BPDd-13... .therapy is focusing on behaviors and thinking errors... .making progress in spite of not fully understanding BPDd-13.

Keep us updated on how your daughter is progressing and how you are holding up as well.  

lbjnltx