Growing Up and Older with a Mentally Ill Mother - Susan Nathiel

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Daughters of Madness: Growing Up and Older with a Mentally Ill Mother Author: Susan Nathiel, PhD Publisher: Greenwood Publishing Group (September, 2000) Hardcover: 218 pages ISBN-10: 0275990427 ISBN-13: 9780275990428

Book Description
June was 9 years old when she came home from school and her schizophrenic mother met her at the door, angrily demanding to know, "Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house?" In another family, Tess repeatedly saw her mother wait outside church then scream at family friends as the emerged, accusing them of spying on and plotting to kill her. Five-year-old Tess and her 7-year-old brother would just cry, begging their mother to take them home as onlookers stared. These are just two of the stories gathered for this book as psychotherapist Nathiel conducted interviews. The children, now adults, grew up with mentally ill mothers at a time when mental illness was even more stigmatizing than it is today. They are what Nathiel calls "the daughters of madness," and their young lives were lived on shaky ground. "Telling someone that there's mental illness in your family, and watching the reaction is not for the faint-hearted," the therapist says, quoting another's research. But, she adds, "Telling them that it is your mother who is mentally ill certainly ups the ante."

A veteran therapist with 35 years experience, Nathiel takes us into this traumatic world--with each of her chapters covering a major developmental period for the daughter of a mentally ill mother--and then explains how these now-adult daughters faced and coped with mental illness in their mothers.

While the stories of these daughters are central to the book, Nathiel also offers her professional insights into exactly how maternal impairment affects infants, children, and adolescents. Women, significantly more than men, are often diagnosed with serious mental illness after they become parents. So what effect does a mentally ill mother have on a growing child, teenager or adult daughter, who looks to her not only for the deepest and most abiding love, but also a sense of what the world is all about? Nathiel also makes accessible the latest research on interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and the way a child's brain and mind develop in the contest of that relationship. Some of the major topics addressed include:

    * Feelings of guilt in the child - Is it my fault?
    * Keeping the secret
    * Role reversal - when child acts as parent
    * Fear of the same fate
    * Building resilience and accepting help    
    * Insights from daughters of mothers who were schizophrenic, psychotic, severely depressed, paranoid, and      personality-disordered.   
           
About the Author
Susan Nathiel, PhD is a psychotherapist treating individuals, couples and families. She has been in practice for more than 30 years, and has a special interest in helping families deal with problems. Nathiel is a Founding Member of the Connecticut Guild of Psychotherapists and Founding Member of the Center for Illness in Families.

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One of the aspects of this book that I really appreciated was the developmental approach, how it takes the different women (now adults) with mentally ill mothers through each life stage and how their parent's mental illness affected them at that phase of their own life history. There are many stories, and a lot of them will sound familiar to members at bpdfamily.com. I found it interesting to see a range of mental illnesses covered, though others might wish for more emphasis on personality disorders (which are included). The book is quite expensive, so that will be a factor for our members. Library or used copies may be available.

B&W

[marlo6277]

B&W - Do you know if this book is available in paperback yet? Or is it brand new?

It's not offered from our book stores up here (Canada), so I'd have to order it internationally.

Thanks! Marlo  xoxox

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Hi Marlo,

I'm afraid I haven't been able to find a paperback version--perhaps someone else can. You might try your local library/interlibrary loan. There is also a Kindle version, I believe, if you've gone that route. 

It's not a new book (2000), but the market may simply not be big enough to justify a paperback print run.  :'(

B&W

[rooster1106]

This sounds AMAZING. How does it compare to Christine Ann Lawson's "Understanding the Borderline Mother"? Because I LOVED that. That just totally did it for me. I notice so many difficult effects in myself for having grown up with a mentally ill mom who is uBPD and may also have paranoid psychosis. I hope I can get this on Kindle for my iPod Touch.

[rooster1106]

so i read it, and it was good, but not as great as i thought. the stories were crazy and i don't think they applied to living with a bp that well. my mom can be a lot more normal than these moms, so i didn't really get to identify. but it's an intense read and i feel like i learned about myself in the process.