Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 3: BPD d13 in residential treatment center

[lbjnltx]

hello friends,

Our weekly therapy session was moved from thursday to monday as individual therapist is going to be out of town.

BPDd-13 asked me to send more vitamins, allergy meds (otc).  Said she is "out of my Prozac and Abilify".  Said she did not take her meds today then she said she wasn't going to take her Omega 3-6-9 anymore...asked "do you want  me to over dose?"    Said her skin and hair are fine so she doesn't need them anymore.  I told her it also helps with healthy brain function...please think about continuing the Omega 3-6-9...you Can take as much as 3 per day...it is only beneficial as long as you are taking it.  BPDd-13 said "ok, i'll think about it".

The session began ok with talk about how BPDd-13 had made a 3d diagram that shows the "levels" of "stuff" she is working on.  She described it as a hole from the bottom up:

~low self image

~easily hurt

~easily angered

~assuming

~arguing

~positive life

and then she said "it starts now".

Right before the session started the group was watching an episode of "little house on therapist he prairie" studying feelings.  anger=scared, or hurt, or sad.  BPDd-13 said she get hurt when people are mean to her at falcon ridge.  nonverbal such as rolling their eyes, verbal, such as being rude or arguing.  The therapist asked her how she could stand up for herself and be assertive without becoming aggressive or passive aggressive...BPDd-13 replied "by asking them to watch their nonverbal communication, and asking them to watch their care and concern".  

The therapist  then asked her if she was passive at school and aggressive at home...BPDd-13 replied "you mean take it out on mom and dad?"  The therapist  attempted to translate how boundaries she set with her horse at the residential treatment center are for her own protection and a better relationship w/the horse.  BPDd-13 related that I was aggressive by setting my boundaries about calling 911 when she would make threats of self harm, running away, suicide, threats against me w/violence.  BPDd-13 said "mom does that because she hates me.  they don't want me at home, that's why I am here".  

BPDd-13 finally conceded that there is no difference between her setting boundaries for her safety and me setting boundaries for mine as well as hers during a crisis at home.  t told her that mom and dad tried everything else and bringing you to falcon ridge is "another rope they are throwing you to help  you get yourself out of that hole."  by this time BPDd-13 was so emotionally dysregulated nothing was getting through.  

The therapist  said lets talk about some favorite memories.  :)ad went first and named several. At my turn I talked about our back to school shopping trip from last year and how much fun we had and how well she did spending the $.  t said "she is smiling".  BPDd-13 recalled a memory that involved her little wiener dog and then she began to cry.  our next therapist session is on her dogs' birthday (she usually would  have a small party for him w/gifts and invite over her friends and they would bring their dogs).  i asked her what she would like for us to get her dog for his birthday.  i could hardly understand her for the sobbing.

The therapist asked us if we could have the party during our next session and let the dog be part of our session...ok...  the therapist  suggested BPDd-13 write a poem about her dog and read it over the phone next week.

We ended the session w/i love yous and I miss yous...BPDd-13 still crying.

I called the residential treatment center nurse to ask about the meds...she said "no, she is not out of meds".  said she was not the one who administered them this am so she would have to check and see what is going on. she said they have the increased dosage I ok'd...told her "i never ok'd. I specifically told case manager to wait on the increase as pdoc wanted to talk to staff first."  

A few hours later individual therapist and psychiatrist (pdoc) call  me as I am about to go into the vets office.  We talked for about 25 min. about the meds, about BPDd-13 being emotionally disreglated today, about BPDd-13 presenting flat affect to some staff and cheerful and happy to others...depending on the activity they are doing.  pdoc asked me "lbjnltx, have you ever done any research on BPD?"

i had to laugh...told him "yes, extensively.  i have read several books and belong to an online support group for people who deal with a borderline"."  he said "well, i've been doing this for 30 years and BPD's can still be confusing".  i replied "yes, it is a very complex disorder and difficult to treat".  he replied "i agree".  so there it is...confirmation again... :'(  and   that perhaps her therapy can be more focused since they have come to some conclusion.  in the end...BPDd-13 will increase her Prozac to 30 mg/day and decrease abilify from 15mg to 7.5 mg/day...as it is not helping her "mood" and has such a tiring side affect.

What a day...7 am.  cats are "playing" with a rat.  7:15 am, neighbors dogs are chasing a rabbit and scare the cats, 7:25 rat gets away.  8am rat is gone...now there is a rattlesnake in the driveway and husband goes out and shoots it w/the 22.  then asks "where are the extra shells?"  they are most likely locked in the gun safe that husband has lost the keys to... ;p    10am therapist session w/emotionally dysregulated BPDd-13. 3pm..case manager at residential treatment center tells me the coat is had ordered and had sent for BPDd-13 doesn't fit...what do you want me to do with it.?  also tells me social calls are now on wednesday at 3:30...not today. (BPDd-13 is expecting us to call in about 30 minutes... :'( so I am concerned she will be even more upset if we don't call).  4pm   therapist and pdoc call comes in while I am at the vet and car overheats 105 outside today.  5pm pharmacist calls and credit card has expired as well as insurance card...talking to him 112 in the walmart parking lot.    6pm.  finally back home and stepson calls and needs to vent about relationship w/live in girlfriend.  6:45 dinner...frozen pizza as it is too late to start the casserole...

i can only hope today will be better.

9:30 fell asleep on the couch with the dog wrapped in towels from his bath and woke up at 11 something with a terrible neck ache!   ;p

lbjnltx

BPD d13 in residential treatment center «

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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ingridp]

lbj, what a day! I do hope you get some restoring sleep & that tomorrow is much slower.

Love

 

Ingrid

[DreamGirl]

I hope today is better also! 

Lots of faith and hope coming your way, lbjntlx.

  DreamGirl

[Togetheritispossible]

what a busy life! it truly sounds like mine...thank goodness for MFLA (family medical leave act). This is where I work really hard,love my job, love the people I work with and keep sane in the BPD life of mine. My D15 is about the most histrionic person that I have ever met. I actually smile/laugh at her comments..in the right mood she does too. I know you have a great sense of humor..keep it up along with your faith/friends. we can not do this alone    

[qcarolr]

lbjnltx  ;p  What a day. Tomorrow has to be better. Your DD will be OK - she is in a safe place and her roller coaster will settle to a stop for at least a littel while. She is doing such hard work, and I know how painful it must feel as such a loving mom for you to be on the other end of a phone line getting the 'body language' piece second hand.

Thanks so much for sharing you story with us all here. Hope you get some sleep, a cooler breeze blows thru soon, and all the critters keep to themselves for a day or so.

keeping you all in my prayers

qcr    

[tapestry strings]

"Enjoying" is not the right word, but I can't think of a better one.  Hmm.  I "receive great benefit" from reading your updates on your daughter's RTC stay.  Our daughter (turning 17 on Thursday) has just completed week 3 at "her" RTC.  So peeking over your shoulder is going to let me see what other families are experiencing on this bumpy ride.

I see some similarities in your daughter's and mine's behaviors.  And yet also realize that every person's (and family's) journey down this difficult path is so, so different.  We have had some "new" bumps in the road, that we have not faced before... and yet I keep thinking I'm going to get to a point where nothing surprises me anymore.  And then I question if that would be a "good" place to be... or would simply mean that I had become pessimistic.  (*sigh*)

Chuckled at your wild and overwhelming day.  Felt a sister-hood in knowing that it happens to other people, too.  Some days I just have to email my husband so that I can write out the LOONNNNNGGGGG version of my unbelievable day, to allow him to laugh out loud at the incredulousness of it... without hurting my feelings.  Venting is so healthy.  So healthy.  Which is why I have appreciated reading each and every story on this message board.  We are all at different stages of the journey... but it's nice to "look over" and see that you aren't alone on the highway.

Thanks again for putting the time into documenting your daughter's stay at the RTC.  I'll keep reading...

[lbjnltx]

hello fellow non's...yesterday was our 7th family therapy session. it was her little dog's birthday and she read a beautiful poem that she has written him...only someone who has very deep emotions could have written such words... ;p

the topic for this session:

ANGER ISSUES

BPDd-13 listed all the ways she copes w/her anger while at the residential treatment center:

holding my tongue

goes to self (time out/take space)

mentally goes to her "happy place"

tabling the issue until a later time

negotiating

we began to discuss how she would use these skills at home.  as an example of past problems we began to discuss getting up for school.  BPDd-13 admitted that it is her responsibility to get up.  therapist said she needs to get self up and not have mom get her up.  BPDd-13 didn't like that.  before she was done talking she was making statements like "it's not my fault if I miss the bus", "my mom can just go to jail if she doesn't drive me to school because it will be her fault if I don't go "...    so the therapist says "let's table this".

dh asks therapist to have an exchange on the issue of dating.  BPDd-13 has just started a class at the residential treatment center called "safe dating" so we will table this issue until BPDd-13 gets further along in her class.

on the bright side, BPDd-13 was able to listen openly and think about how she would use her coping skills to  accept limits and being told "no" when she wanted to go do something with her friends.  we were each naming a possible resolution instead of just saying "no".  BPDd-13 understood and accepted all of them until we got to "having your friends come to our house instead".  that is when BPDd-13 said "all my friends hate my parents"

which I know is not true...at least the ones that I know...t asked her "is this because of what you have said about  your parents to your friends?"

BPDd-13 replied "yeah...but it is the truth".  therapist asked BPDd-13 "do you believe that it is still the truth?"  BPDd-13 replied "well, mostly".  therapist replied "your parents can't have changed that much since you have been here" BPDd-13 had no response.  I interpret the actions of the therapist as attempting to get BPDd-13 to realize that it is her perception that has changed...and that if her friends have ugly things to say about us it is because of her perception...not our actions.  I don't think BPDd-13 quite got it...hopefully they can continue to explore this in their sessions.

thanks for reading and staying with me on this part of our life journey



lbjnltx

[ingridp]

Hi lbj - thank you so much for sharing your family sessions with us. It's really enlightening to travel with you and it's good to hear that your D is being as honest as her condition allows her to be, even if that is a silence. Whenever my S and I have had joint sessions with his t, he gets it all down pat, says exactly what he thinks he is expected to say, commits to everything and leaves his therapist and I really frustrated - we know his game all too well. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers

With love

 

Ingrid

[peaceplease]

Yes, thanks for sharing. Good to be there while she is a teenager.  It seems that things are coming along.   

,

peaceplease

[qcarolr]

lbjnltx - thanks for sharing your story. there is always something I can take away with me. This is such hard work, but little by little progress in being made.

keeping you all in my prayers

qcr

[lbjnltx]

really sad the last few days.  missing her so much. :'( :'( :'( :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pennifree]

dear lbj,

I am sorry that you are missing your D so much today.  It is hard to entrust our precious ones to someone else's care even when it's the best thing for all concerned.

I hope that you can do something nice for yourself today, even while missing her, knowing that she is working hard on herself and her understanding of how the world works.  May-be a date with husband to get out of the house for a bit may ease that pain somewhat.

If I lived near-by I would take you out for coffee and lend an ear or a shoulder... and we could indulge in a sweet of some sort and then find something to laugh at...therapy of it's own sort.

Take good care, one day at at time,

pennifree     

[qcarolr]

really sad the last few days.  missing her so much. :'( :'( :'( :'(

It is hard letting go, esp. when your D is so young. Be extra nice to yourself today.

qcr    

[peaceplease]

Awe - I am so sorry, lbj.  It must be very hard being gone so long.   Yes, you need to have some "me time" and enjoy a nice cold drink like the McDonald's commercial for the frappe.  Or, just spoil yourself and give some extra TLC to lbjtnlx.  


peaceplease

[Jemima]

Hi lbjnltx, Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today. I hope there are no more rattlesnake episodes! Those things make me shiver.

[lbjnltx]

greetings to you all dear friends...

talked to individual therapist at the residential treatment center yesterday...good and bad news!

BPDd-13 threatened to punch another girl in the face when she confronted my d about her behavior in music therapy.  therapist brought her back into her office and talked about the incident.  d told therapist "she reminds me of my mom" "telling me things I don't want to hear".  (they are supposed to hold each other accountable in a caring/concerning way while being able to help w/a solution)  therapist and BPDd-13 talked about the consequences of such actions/words.  BPDd-13 sees everything as a punishment instead of the consequences of her actions.  after talking about it for a while BPDd-13 finally relented that the consequences are hers.  therapist says she was just telling her what she wanted to hear and no actual correction of this thinking error occurred.  ;p

i asked therapist if she thought that perhaps this acting out behavior was partly due to the decrease in the abilify dosage. she replied "perhaps".  the way I see it (and expressed to t) this is a good thing...otherwise how is she going to work on this issue.  we will have to wait and see if BPDd-13 can get some self control, use coping skills and accept responsibility without the extra abilify...t says same and this also gives them the opportunity to establish a baseline.  therapist is continuing to study about BPD...reading books and research papers.   

if this were month 8 instead of month 3 I would be very upset.  I am choosing to see this as a good thing...do you know what I mean?

our family therapist session is tomorrow and therapist doesn't know what we will be working on yet...she allows BPDd-13 to determine the course according to "where she is at and what she can handle when the time comes".

t gets that BPDd-13 has such intense emotions and as yet is unable to deal with them and use her mind.

jemima...regarding the snakes...haven't seen any more rattlers but when I was in the haybarn yesterday I heard the loong slither of a very large snake on the perlin beams under the floor.  husband says it is a king snake and that they supposedly keep rattlesnakes away...he said he has seen it down there and it is a biggy!

lbjnltx

[peaceplease]

lbjnltx,

Things seem like they are progressing.  Thanks again for continuing to share.


peaceplease

[pennifree]

dear lbj,

It's great to read your updates. 

Sounds like things are progressing, albeit slowly, but moving forward just the same. 

Your d is very similar to my s in that he has to repeat the same mistake many, many times before he learns from it...but eventually he does learn.  It is frustrating for me and husband to watch 'cause his life would be soo much easier/calmer if he would just listen!  But that's not how he learns.  He has to suffer those consequences, and like your d, feels he is being unfairly punished when the consequences are something that we are imposing. 

Hang in there, she is making some great progress even to be able to say those things out loud to the therapist is progress in my mind. At least she is recognizing what the expectation is even if she does not agree/believe in it.  Again slow, but at least some forward momentum.

Take good care,

pennifree


ps you have snakes... I have giant spiders deciding to take up residence in my domicile of late.  husband had to get ride of one that was at least two inches across the other day.  I'm not normally squeamish...but that thing sure made me squeal!

[qcarolr]

if this were month 8 instead of month 3 I would be very upset.  I am choosing to see this as a good thing...do you know what I mean?

our family therapist session is tomorrow and therapist doesn't know what we will be working on yet...she allows BPDd-13 to determine the course according to "where she is at and what she can handle when the time comes".

t gets that BPDd-13 has such intense emotions and as yet is unable to deal with them and use her mind.

lbj, I think it is a good thing for this to be coming up now, with time for your D to work on becoming more aware of the connection between her feelings and her thinking. It is all so intertwined and impossible to change from an unconsious place. You are such a strong and loving mom to be able to see this as movement in the 'right' direction.

Survival skills of avoidance and denial work to keep all this unconscious, and acting out is a tool of these strategies, IMHO. It is such difficult and painful work for your D. So glad she is in a supportive and safe place to be doing this - and can hold someone other than you as the 'bad guy' for pushing her to do the work.

Hang in there. Thinking of you all everyday.

qcr    

[lbjnltx]

family therapist session #8 today

started the session with BPDd-13 telling us how she had spent 5 hours on a trail ride up into the mountains w/the horse handler and her equine therapist (who is also the clinical director at falcon ridge)...just the 3 of them.  also how she is learning to collect her horse.  she was able to tell us how all the communication and training she is doing translates to  her interactions w/people...wow!  she said "in equine therapy I am learning how to control my emotional reactions instead of my emotions controlling me"...another wow!

t asked us what we would like to talk about today...so I offered up the subject of control since BPDd-13 was already talking about  it.  as we are discussing BPDd-13 is making a columnar list of "myself"  "others".  we talked about and listed who we can control, what we can control, what we are responsible for, who we are responsible for and how we can change outcomes...a really good session.

BPDd-13 said she may not be allowed to go off campus when we visit next month because "i am behind in my school work". prior to falcon ridge her pat response would  have been because "they won't let me"  because? "because they are mean".  big change in thinking here!  I hope it continues and translates to all areas of her life. 

we explored the idea that I have lived by for years...the more you know, the more you are responsible for.  I used the "collecting" lessons w/her horse as an example...she got it!  yeah

at the end of the session the therapist asked  her to recap from her list what she was responsible for.  here is her list:  my thoughts, my words, my actions, me reactions, my tone of voice...!

a great session today...

lbjnltx

on another subject... I watched a news program last night about autism disorder.  they mentioned that there are 2 drugs approved for addressing the intense aggressive reactions of pw autism...does anyone know which drugs these are?  I guess I will start doing some research...perhaps consider a med change in the future for BPDd-13 as I have heard many references to BPD possibly being related to autism spectrum disorder.

[qcarolr]

lbj - what a great session. I always try to remind myself in a 'bad' moment that it will soon change to something different. It is up to me to learn to let go of each moment to be present for the next one- good or bad.

thanks so much for sharing with us.

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ingridp]

lbj - this is really good news! Well done to all of you for all your hard work.

Thinking of you lots

 

Ingrid

[peaceplease]

 

I am so glad that things are going good.   


peaceplease

[LionDreamer]

at the end of the session the therapist asked  her to recap from her list what she was responsible for.  here is her list:  my thoughts, my words, my actions, me reactions, my tone of voice...!

Wow!  Huge for any 13 much less for one with the challenges your dd is facing.   

[lbjnltx]

spoke with case manager at the residential treatment center today.  she had just come from a staff meeting and read me the notes she took about my d.

school:  more invested, trying harder

individual t:  family relationship improving, still struggling w/thinking errors.  working on emotional boundaries. working on negativity.

equine therapy:  working on emotional boundaries, separating the message from the messenger.

general staff:  disrespectful, not owning behaviors

group (Positive Peer Culture):  not open, not sharing.  tries to control the group.

social call tomorrow.  family therapy on thursday.

lbjnltx

[qcarolr]

lbj - she's working hard and has a lot of work to do. Hope you have a good visit with her tomorrow. Thanks so much for sharing.

qcr  

[LionDreamer]

social call tomorrow.  family therapy on thursday.

Thinking of you!  Hope both go well!

[melissa207]

lbj I have really appreciated reading the posts about your dau's progression. Wow such positive things going on for her and your family. Hope you had a nice social call.

[lbjnltx]

thanks melissa,

the social call went very well.  she always asks about her dog, her cat, the horses.  today she asked me to send some new pj's for her.  told me she was glad she was not at home to start the new school year...likes school there better.  they have lots of breaks for individual therapy, equine therapy, etc...

told me she can't wait to see us in sept.   THAT'S THE BIGGEST CHANGE YET!  I replied "me too!  please don't be upset with me if I cry when I see  you"  she giggled and said "i won't be". 

will talk to her on thursday for family therapist on the phone.

how are you doing melissa?

lbjnltx

[melissa207]

Wow lbj sounds like a wonderful call!

Updated my thread about the court stuff so little glimmer into my world at the moment with dau.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes there is just too much to possibly explain it all?