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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 3: BPD d13 in residential treatment center  (Read 12996 times)
lbjnltx
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #30 on: August 24, 2010, 10:15:18 PM »

uhh yeah   

sometimes I think it will take far to long to post the whole story so I don't even try  ;p

i will pop over to your thread and catch up  on what's up with your situation.

glad to see you here tonight...it's so quiet...spooky   ?

lbjnltx
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 BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
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« Reply #31 on: August 25, 2010, 03:45:46 PM »

lbjnltx,

Oh, I hear you about your d not seeing that what happens to her is a logical outcome of her behavior. I think that that is a huge chunk of my own d's problem in a nutshell. She doesn't see that she has such a big part in what happens to her. She thinks she is helpless, and she resents anybody that imposes consequences. She just told us this weekend that we are "soo controlling." Excuse me? This is the child that is obsessed with control.

About the snakes, well, there are some beneficial snakes out there, but I just can't bring myself to get enthusiastic about any of them!
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lbjnltx
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #32 on: August 26, 2010, 12:41:02 PM »

FAMILY THERAPY SESSION#9

MORE WORK ON COMMUNICATION SKILLS

T recapped skills that help keep us in a healthy place in order to have the ability to communicate in a healthy way by reducing emotional stress:

  make I statement

  tabling issues                                                                           

  time out

Acceptance-  from the dbt skills workbook

BPDd-13:  that means allowing people to be who they are according to where they are at.

t:  does that mean they have to agree with you or believe as you do?

BPDd-13:  no.  I need to be tolerant.

lbjltx:  to me it means allowing a person to be who they are without judgment or labels, people are not their behaviors.  it also means that I don't allow others actions, beliefs, or feelings to affect who I am.

dh:  to me it means I adjust my reactions to them in order to compromise.

BPDd-13:  I need to accept how I feel, even if it is negative and allow the feelings.  'no' is hard to accept and feelings are hard to accept.

t:  don't let the feelings control  your behavior...you control the behavior.

t:  this situation won't last forever...how does that help you?

BPDd-13:  calms me down.

t:  I have been through worse and I survived...how might saying that to yourself help in an intense situation?

BPDd-13:  helps with perspective?

t:  yeah.

dh:  we can't go 100 miles an hour all the time

t:  good analogy dad.  BPDd-13, write that one down and picture the speeding car...it takes longer to stop, it's dangerous, it's illegal...

lbjnltx:  i'm doing the best I can right now and I need to try harder.  I know you are doing the best you can right now and I need you to try harder.

BPDd-13: (taking a deep breathe) I didn't like it when my mom would say that to me.

t:  you took a deep breathe, that is an automatic skill response...very good!  you are doing a lot of really hard work and I can see a great deal of progress that you have made.

* I don't remember BPDd-13 every becoming more angry when I would say this to her...of course she was already angry or I would not have said it.

perhaps that is what triggered her during the session today...recalling the feelings she was having before I used this phrase, not because I used this phrase.

lbjnltx:  when I say this to myself it allows me to move out of the emotions I am feeling and use my Wise Mind.  it also relieves the frustration I am feeling while dealing with the other person because I acknowledge their efforts and my belief in them that they can do better just like I can.

end of therapy session

BPDd-13 wants us to bring her little weenie dog when we come up in december (a one night stay).  told her I would hope that you would be able to come and stay with us in our hotel in december.  she replied "i would like that.  I would have to earn that privilege."  I replied "i believe that you can if you work hard at it"

lbjnltx
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 BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
qcarolr
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« Reply #33 on: August 26, 2010, 12:57:53 PM »

lbjnltx - what a good session. sounds like all of you are making progress together. Thanks for sharing.

qcr
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« Reply #34 on: August 26, 2010, 03:54:43 PM »

Wow! That looks really really good   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)   You were very concerned at the beginning that the therapists didn't get it.   From this, it looks like they have a firm handle on it and there is some real progress being made,

Are you feeling satisfied with what's happening?
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lbjnltx
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #35 on: August 26, 2010, 06:18:55 PM »

dear ld,

oh yes ... very satisfied.  I share alot of info on BPD w/her t...i send her links to very informative studies and articles and when she finds one of them really helpful we discuss some of the aspects of the articles.  I am learning from her and she is learning from what I send. 

she is working on her phd and her prof. specialty is BPD and she gets alot of info from him too.  she has ordered some of the books I have read on BPD and she studies on the weekends the articles and research papers done on BPD.  she is very invested in my BPDd-13!  they have a very good relationship.  I think that she will be a very good therapist for any BPD from day 1 once she goes through the whole program w/my BPDd-13.

that is a positive thing for those who will come behind my d Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post) falcon ridge or anywhere else this therapist goes.

lbjnltx
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lbjnltx
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #36 on: August 27, 2010, 02:04:58 PM »

SIX WEEK REPORT

CLINICAL REPORT ON INDIVIDUAL AND FAMILY COUNSELING:

comes to counseling w/a positive attitude: always

able to establish a positive rapport w/t:  usually

completes therapy assignments and comes prepared:  always

recognizes problem areas and accepts responsibility:  usually

makes a genuine effort toward positive change:  usually

demonstrates appropriate mood and affect in counseling:  usually

shows appropriate behavior toward t:  always

actively participates in family counseling:  always

shows positive attitude about family counseling: usually

communicates openly and genuinely with family:  usually

takes appropriate responsibility and ownership of behavior:  usually

accepts appropriate parental authority and limit setting:  usually

avoids manipulation and splitting:  usually

feels safe and hopeful for family reunification:  always

wiling to genuinely make amends and build trust and confidence: usually

effectively addresses family and individual issues:  usually

t notes:  BPDd-13 has made greater efforts to comply with requests from authority figures.  she recognizes her need to be in control and is working on being more flexible in group and with staff.  She has followed through with her plans to work harder in family therapy and in the program to advance her skills.  she is asking for help from peers and school teachers.  she is expressing her feelings ore openly in individual and family therapy.  she is not taking negative peer statements personally and is working on being more assertive and using I statements.  she is making an effort to establish relationships with her peers.

CLINICAL REPORT EQUINE THERAPY

GOALS:  reduce responding with defiance to prompts from peers and staff

            learn the skills to set emotional and physical boundaries that

            will keep her safe

            improving her respect of peers and adults

            improve her consistency when working with the horses and in

             other areas of the program

comes to therapy with a positive attitude, actively participates:  usually

able to establish positive rapport w/t and equine specialist:  usually

is willing to learn new skills:  usually

demonstrates appropriate mood and affect:  usually

recognizes problem areas and accepts appropriate responsib.:sometimes

makes a genuine effort toward positive change:  sometimes

is able to translate skills to other areas of her life: sometimes

demonstrates appropriate management. of behavior w/horse,peer,staff:

                                                                                        usually

is willing to participate in the care of the horses and equine are: always

equine therapist notes:  BPDd-13 continues to be a willing and enthusiastic participant in equine therapy.  she is committed to her special project horse.  she is developing a relationship with him that is based on trust and respect.  she is always willing to help with the required chores in the equine area. 

progress towards goals:  she is not defiant with the equine staff.  she is learning that respecting the horse requires both setting limits and rewarding positive behavior.  she sometimes struggles to set limits with her horse for fear of disrupting her relationship with him.  she is learning not to accept defiance from her horse.  she is working on learning to set boundaries in equine therapy.  she knows how to keep herself safe when working with the horses but needs to improve her ability to translate this skill so she can keep herself safe in other areas of her life.  BPDd-13 acknowledges that she struggles to accept checks or prompts from her peers.  she has agreed to start to listen to the message and not react to the messenger.  she is making progress in being more consistent in rewarding her horse for the smallest effort to comply.  she is working on this skill by teaching him to stop, back up and square up.  she has improved rewarding the horse on a consistent basis. goals for the next qtr:  same

GROUP LEADERS REPORT

these categories refer to the level of excellence your child shows among peers & staff in self regulation.  "self" means that your child is controlling the positive behavior by herself without any peer or staff support. "peer" means that your child requires peer support to sustain behavior.  "staff" means that your child requires staff to maintain the behavior.  SELF CONTROL IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF EXCELLENCE.

Positive Peer Culture (GROUP THERAPY)

attends regularly:  self

participates freely in discussion of problems: peer

expresses self in an open, honest and genuine manner: peer

is not disruptive or monopolizing of the group: peer

retains the confidentiality of the group : peer

actively seeks to help peers resolve problems discussed in group: staff

shows appropriate levels of trust and confidence: staff

shows genuine care and concern for other peers and for self:  peer

Group leader notes:  BPDd-13 is making great progress in group, she was starting to get real very slowly.  she has noticed her progress and became angry and started to shutdown as far as reaching out to her peers.  as for asking for help.. she continues to do so yet not very open to feedback.  continues to be preoccupied and angry.  this is part of the process and the group continues to help her with the process. Making Progress!

PERFORMANCE ON THE UNIT

shows a positive self image and self worth on unit: peer

is considerate of others in group: peer

is considerate of herself: does not engage in self defeating behav.:staff

shows appropriate respect for authority: staff

does ot mislead or disrupt other peers in group: peer

is not easily misled by others into negative behavior: staff

does not aggravate or provoke other peers: staff

able to control and resolve anger or frustrations :  staff

does not steal or take things that are not hers: self

is honest and tells the truth in all circumstances: staff

Group leader remarks:  BPDd-13 is in a very oppositional stage right now on the unit.  she has been defiant and disrespectful towards her peers and staff to the point where she isolates constantly to avoid facing her problems.  she seems angry and frustrated most of the time and is not willing to accept her peers help.  staff would like to see her branch out and establish stable relationships within her group by opening up to her peers on the unit like she does in Positive Peer Culture group.

Residential director remarks:  in our interactive journal group she is open, cooperative, and completes her assignments with a positive attitude.

ACADEMICS

science, vocational, english, history= satisfactory

math  = needs improvement

respect, asks for help = satisfactory

on-task, motivation = needs improvement

teacher note:  BPDd-13 is behind in school and has a hard time staying on task.  she needs to work more on her program.  she is very pleasant but avoids.

teacher note:  BPDd-13 takes frequent breaks from her work.  she needs to be more consistent.
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 BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
qcarolr
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« Reply #37 on: August 27, 2010, 08:21:50 PM »

lbj - thanks so much for the detail on your sharing. it is really helpful to see all the areas that the residential treatment center are working on. It is a lot. And there is so much improvement in so many areas. Yet it is good there are several months left in the program for those areas of most resistence. You D is so lucky to have you, and your family.

qcr
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Jemima
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« Reply #38 on: August 30, 2010, 11:58:48 AM »

lbjnltx,

Congratulations on the good parts of the report, and here's to the hopeful nature of the report as a whole! It looks like although your daughter has a ways to go, she IS making progress. I hope you are feeling encouraged today!
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