8.08 | Dont let them control your life! [romantic partners]

[jhkbuzz]

I personally believe that in the beginning they truly believe they are in love, for real, for good, and this one is it.  I think they meant what they said, at that time.  And felt it as intensely as anyone can.  However, their emotions are fleeting, ever changing, their root system is shallow, and they lack the skills and emotional development for real bonding or intimacy.

Perfectly said.

[unicorn2014]

Thank you, I found this helpful even though I am currently staying. I am hoping to take back control of my life from my pwBPD while still remaining in the r/s.

[healingdaisy]

I think so much of what we find acceptable are the standards we are brought up to believe by our families.  imo I grew up with a BPD mother and an npd father, so a n/BPD partner was the 'normal', its all I ever knew... .despite how abusive it is in reality.  I think we have to acknowledge what does and doesn't work for us as adults and discard/change what doesn't to create a new 'normal'. 

[unicorn2014]

healing daisy, I agree, and today I'm having problems with my dad, in addition to the usual problems with my partner, so I will try to address them on the coping board.

[Freeatlast_1]

[THIS part is the scary part, coming to terms with myself]


This is what I find extremely hard. I know getting into that relationship has more to do with me. I have picked that character... .it's not normal for someone to shower you with compliments all the time for months... .I did think at that time... .that's too good to be true.

If I was healthy, I would've picked that up. Too bad I needed the attention at that time.

[Mrb87]

  loved this message ... .THANK YOU
I am currently building up the courage to officially let fully go of my BPDbf. It has been 3 yrs of confusing downs and not many ups.  I’ve put up so many boundaries that it doesn’t feel like a relationship anymore and I’m letting so many better opportunities pass me by. My friends only know a quarter of the stories of what happened in my relationship and they’re telling me to run for the hills. I’m not happy and it feels like I’m hiding a dark secret. I don’t understand my purpose with him. We haven’t said “I love u” yet and I know that stage will never happen with him.