Romantic partner has undiagnosed BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am a female recently retired MSW, very familiar with the DSM V, and believe my female partner has BPD.  She meets almost all the criteria.  We have been in an exclusive relationship for 9 and a half years, and have struggled for most of it.  We recently took a short vacation and had arguments over very insignificant things each day.  On that trip, she said she would agree to go to counseling with me.  In the past counseling has imploded because she felt somehow the therapist and I were aligned (same field).  If we do make it to counseling, I would like to find one very familiar with BPD patients.  I do have some fault in this relationship, I wouldn't say everything is all her fault.  Any advice for me?  I did buy the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells."  I can't believe I haven't read it by now.

[StressedinSTL]

I am a female recently retired MSW, very familiar with the DSM V, and believe my female partner has BPD.  She meets almost all the criteria.  We have been in an exclusive relationship for 9 and a half years, and have struggled for most of it.  We recently took a short vacation and had arguments over very insignificant things each day.  On that trip, she said she would agree to go to counseling with me.  In the past counseling has imploded because she felt somehow the therapist and I were aligned (same field).  If we do make it to counseling, I would like to find one very familiar with BPD patients.  I do have some fault in this relationship, I wouldn't say everything is all her fault.  Any advice for me?  I did buy the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells."  I can't believe I haven't read it by now.

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[pearlsw]

Hi StressedSTL,



Your post reminds me of when I first starting noticing issues with my partner, well, a little before that when I just thought, why are we having so much trouble communicating. He was really hard to reason with and he interrupted, basically broke all the basic communication rules. It was easy to attribute all of the problems to him. In time I realized, whoa, I am actually invalidating him a lot and I didn't want to do that, at all, so I had to become more aware of this and make changes. It definitely helped. I still can't say I always do it, but knowing how to and being willing to change one's communication can help with the day to day issues quite a lot.

Which of the symptoms does your partner display? Which ones are you struggling with the most?

with compassion, pearl.