is she completely over me?

[Matthew_Taylor801]

do i enter her thoughts at all anymore?  i have been NC for 2 months and she is one of the BPD types that will depart and never come back.  could she very well be with someone new already despite the fact that she kept reiterating over and over again how she needs to be alone for a while?

[David Dare]

Friend, you are asking a question that only she can answer.  IMO, you are still dependent on her in some way, psychologically/emotionally.

Ignore the things she's said.  They are meaningless.  It's what helped hook you in the first place.  pwBPd tend to be overdramatic about how they express themselves.  I fell for it with my ex and it blinded me.  She said she loved me, but really, it doesn't matter.  Your ex saying she needs to be alone might well be her way of softening the blow to you.  Better to say, "I need to be alone" than to say "We just aren't compatible" or worse.

Instead, focus on where you are today, and where you want to be tomorrow.  Try to imagine a life without her, period.  There is no in between here.  It's all in or all out.  Stop compartmentalizing what type of pwBPD she is.  She is a person who made a decision to end the relationship.  That's all that matters.

[tornadochaser]

do i enter her thoughts at all anymore?  i have been NC for 2 months and she is one of the BPD types that will depart and never come back.  could she very well be with someone new already despite the fact that she kept reiterating over and over again how she needs to be alone for a while?

Cut and burn the air hose brother.  It's the only way.

To answer your question in a direct fashion: it is likely she has object constancy issues and does not think of you.   You are blessed in this regard, now is the time to make your escape.

[sb.kim87]

do i enter her thoughts at all anymore?  i have been NC for 2 months and she is one of the BPD types that will depart and never come back.  could she very well be with someone new already despite the fact that she kept reiterating over and over again how she needs to be alone for a while?

Well I think it depends per person. Since there're many combinations of BPD. A ex of mine which I dated 3 years ago still, I repeat STILL tries to contact me ? Dont know how my current ex is going to react but yeah, I think it really all depends

[DragonHeart]

Sadly, Matthew, what a BPD says and what a BPD does are two different things. Mine kept telling me she was going to therapy, and going to get better, and that she wasn't going to go with anyone else. 2 weeks later it's all over her facebook page -- her and her new shiny object. I can't tell you if yours will react in the same way mine did, and most of the others ex's on here, but I think it would be in your best interest right now to continue with the solid effort to detach from this girl. I think you've been doing very well so far, and it would be great to know that you have eventually healed from all of this.

Stay strong, man.

DH

[kennumber777]

It's hard to say. Mine loved me almost too much. She stayed with me for 9 years. She left for another guy(victim) but, every 4 months she calls crying saying "it's not working".

As for your situation, I bet she still thinks of you but, not the way YOU (or anyone who isn't BPD) would. For them, everyday is spent in survival mode. It's sad for them really. You will discover what kind of patern she chooses when it comes to you... .she may call back or she may not.

[Vagabond]

Matt

I doubt it mate, if she as strong NPD traits then she is gone buddy, mine was the same, hurt like hell at the start, but after a while you will see its for the best. Just read what some of our dear posters put on here when there ex's contact them, i feel for these guys coz it must be a complete head doer, they have to remain way stronger than the likes of us.

You know what, i used to be jealous in some small way of the people who did get contacted by there ex's again, to have there ex's show an interest and chase them for once i used to think must be so powering and give you some esteem back, but not anymore, i am so glad now i dont have to go through that and listen to some disordered person try and suck me back in just to stomp all over me again.

So Matt just be thankful she as done one and wish the folks on here who dont have our luck well ok buddy

[Worndowndad]

For BPD it is "out of sight out of mind". She may or may not come back.  It maybe months or even years if she does. You should hope ahe doesn't. Their words don't match their actions. Mine used to tell me she loved me while she is in bed with her boyfriend.

[Hyacinth]

I wish mine would leave me alone.  I told him in December 2010 it was over and had to repeat myself for months, all the while he was contacting me.  He filed false charges against me and had me arrested  and put in jail (dropped them alll, of course), then had the ba... .s to send me a 15 page letter at work, telling me he loves me, wants marriage counseling, etc.  After months of peace, it was awful.  I was doing SO GOOD, not hearing from him and I was healing, until the letter came.  it made me sad and I cried for days.  So trust me, having them NOT contact you is for the best.  Did him contacting me make me feel anything?  NO because I know I can't live with a crazy man and be abused.  Each day of NC makes me one step further away from him.  Trust me, no contact from an xBPD is WONDERFUL and you shoudl consider yourself lucky. 

[David Dare]

I'd like to take a second and follow up on my somewhat blunt response.

The truth of my situation is that I've been out of it long enough to fully detach.  A year ago I was wondering the same things, Matt, as you.  I eventually had my moment of reconnection, and it confirmed everything I'd learned about pwBPD.  She wasn't who I thought she was.  In fact, she seemed like a stranger to me, and it was a bit awkward.  It nailed home that we weren't compatible to begin with and I'm better off without her.  The fact she is (potentially) BPD no longer mattered.  She is who she is, and, more importantly, I am who I am.

She obviously thought of me enough to make the effort to contact me, but it wasn't what I expected.  Not once did she ask how I was doing.  She did apologize for the way she treated me, but it was hollow, offered in writing a year after the fact instead of face to face when it mattered. 

Like we read over and over it's all about them.  My ex contacted me for some reason, I don't know what, but it wasn't about me.  At least it wasn't communicated that way.  It was like standing at the edge of the rabbit hole, looking down in it, knowing I was once there, remembering the utter confusion that took place during our relationship, and walking away from it once and for all.

[GP44]

The best advice I got in regards to my Cluster B ex is that if I'm lucky, I will never see or hear from her again. If I'm cursed, she will pop up again looking to recycle. As much as I love her and in a perfect world wish we could be together, I know that that is my heart and not my head speaking. It is a good thing that she has maintained the silent treatment and not given me the opportunity to make a very bad choice.

[once removed]

i think i mostly agree with the sentiment that "no one knows, and it doesn't matter, and hope like hell she doesn't." it's probably equally likely that she either thinks of you, or that she doesn't think of you. it's very true that no one can answer that but her, and it does totally depend. on one hand, you don't necessarily have to torture yourself over the idea that you're just completely forgotten and discarded if its not true. it might be true. but no one knows, and you're probably not going to know, so in that sense, it doesn't matter. you will get to the point david dare makes, that you will come to a place that you don't care, and/or don't WANT to be on her mind. i can tell you a borderline could not tell a greater lie than "i just want to be alone." they spend their lives trying to avoid doing so.

[Howzah]

They were never into you to begin with

They are seriously mentally ill. Stop trying to make sense of her behavior. You can't. Stop trying to rationalize it. That's why it's called "mental illness" and a "Personality Disorder". For a borderline to admit they have BPD is to admit their perceptions of reality have been crazy their entire lives and that they are insane. It's life changing for a BPD to get better. It takes real commitment and you have to constantly be fighting your very perception of reality. Think about that and understand the magnitude of such a thing. It's daunting and is terrifying for someone with BPD. It's alright to take pity on their condition and empathize, but you need to accept it, pity it for a moment, then move on with your life. Forever. There's no going back. She's already violated every possible boundary a healthy person would even begin to accept with you. It's admirable that you still care for her, but take it from someone who knows. They are wasted tears and wasted emotions. Your BPD is not thinking about you at all. She never does. She has new supply now that is meeting her emotional needs at the moment. There is no guilt. No "sigh, I miss him" crap you see in the movies. They are out laughing and having a great time in the arms of another man. Believe it and accept it or you will drive yourself off the cliff emotionally and go crazy yourself. That cloudy thinking leaves you stuck in Oz and vulnerable to that sucking sound of a very good vacuum cleaner.

A lot of people cling on to a desperate hope that "there's a chance", because there have been VERY FEW success stories. BPD is never cured though. It's a life long condition, yes even with DBT. Borderlines can only learn to recognize suppress and control their behavioral urges. Not stop them. There is biological evidence to prove this and there is very intriguing data about how the amydala can be a key factor in the illness, on how there is differences between normal people and borderlines in this regard.

You have to stay NC to protect you from yourself. I know what would happen if she contacted you right now. You'd be on your guard, but you'd talk to her, feel the intoxication of her attention because it's feeding your addiction to her. She would seem normal, maybe even tell you "You're really the one. She needs you. Only you understand her... blah blah blah"... .but you have to understand, when you're dealing with a borderline, it's never about you. Ever. "It's always about them."

Once that simple statement, "It's always about them" truly resonates within you and you accept it, you will never be over this relationship. It's taken me years to start to feel normal again after my relationship. I'm only telling you this because I empathize with where you are right now. How you feel. I've been there man, stuck in the deepest pit of despair over my heart ache and sense of insanity and injustice. It makes you question your very existence. It's as if who you thought you were was a lie, because of how easily discarded like used tissue they made you feel. It's a very real and very large ego hit. It destroys what's called your ideal self. The truth is they were a lie. Their entire lives are a lie. It was never a real relationship between the two of you. Not on any rational, sane, healthy level. It's not possible with a borderline.

You were abused. Badly. No amount of iron mental defenses a person has, it can quickly wither under the subtle manipulations of a borderline. They have been known to manipulate therapists using tactics like Projective Identification. It's toxic mentally to be around these people for sustained periods of time. Now that I've been out of Oz for awhile I've met women and dated them and immediately recognized the HUGE ridiculous red flags that borderlines exhibit early on in the relationship.

This is true for all borderlines. When you first meet them they are very engaging. They suck you in. Make you feel like home. Their attention is fixated on you, and only you. You feel wanted. What you think is the "chemistry" you've been looking for, is a death trap. You need to run away. Even when they mirror you, within the first or second date, they can't keep the BPD behaviors in check. Look for the subtle signs. How they make quick movements and will do loud things, because they want people to look at them. They always want attention. When I'd go to a bar with my ex, it was always about her from the second we walked in. She wanted people to look at her 24/7. She'd wear really tight outfits so her body was on full display. They want attention 24/7.

When they are mirroring you and sucking you in, remind yourself that there is a guy who really cares about her that is exactly like you. Being played. Manipulated. Used. Taken for granted. Once they smash your boundaries and you accept it, forget it. They have you and then you're in for a world of pain my friend. It never ends well with these people. They are a wrecking ball to all the lives they come in intimate contact with. You're never the only one seeing the BPD behavior and/or being a victim of it. Other people see it too. Their family knows. Deep down, unless they are crazy too. Borderlines stick out like sore thumbs to people who are rational with solid healthy boundaries in place. Healthy people avoid them like the plague.

You have a long journey ahead of you. I'd advise you to start strapping on your boots now, because you're going to go through boot camp. It's going to be an emotional hell for you to truly address the reason why you got involved with this woman. You didn't find this website by accident. None of us do. We went searching for something because we knew something just "wasn't right". Even under all the projection, blaming, rages, confusion, push pull, weird insane behaviors, there was a sane part of us that would not crumble. We googled things like "My ex cheated on me while my father was dying from cancer and now acts like I don't exist literally overnight" and up came with a million hits for BPD.

There are a lot of powerful tools and discussion on these boards for nons who are desperate for help and answers to the private hell they've been living. Nons are victims of abuse and like any victim of extreme abuse, people don't usually talk about it. I'd recommend you go buy the book "One Way Ticket to Kansas". Read it 50 times if you have to until the reality of your situation starts to really sink in.

[daydreambeliever]

Wow Howzah summed that up in a no mincing words straight shooting way. 

do i enter her thoughts at all anymore?  i have been NC for 2 months and she is one of the BPD types that will depart and never come back.  could she very well be with someone new already despite the fact that she kept reiterating over and over again how she needs to be alone for a while?

I feel your pain as I was there once or... .40+ times myself. Seriously do you wanna be that guy that she comes back to and crushes continuously (the pain gets worse each time) then be back in this same position in another month... .and then just keep hitting the repeat button till when- forever? Hell no. I promise you unless she has discovered time travel and zapped herself forward five years and had at least five+years of therapy-then travelled back to you in the present day, nothing will have changed or will change.

I know when I was in that state you appear to be in I was like well I dont just care give him to me bad twisted any which way I just want him and then I'll figure out how to get over him when Ive got him back. Sound like a crack addict much? I was bad.  And he never got better of course he didnt bc of our crazy dance I enabled him so much that he's probably even further along the crazy train of destructive behaviour than he was initially.

Also all the times of 'oh i just want to be alone and be left alone' were whenever there were other people on the scene and he wanted to keep me as a back up plan just in case his plan a)b)c)d) or e) didnt work out at some point.

So the one time my ex and I were right off the communication scene for a year I had heard he was with someone let him go in my mind and wished him well (and her luck) still missed him loved him but it was FADING and getting easier to live with to the point I considered I was at peace with it all   Then BAM I get a miss you love you text at 4/5am-I ask whats up what do you want, he says oh nothing, then well actually sht Im engaged and I think Ive upset her. Argh crushed. I give him advice and tell him to sort his sht out with her.Rarara they were over we got together 6 months later (also I might add in this time he slipped and tripped and got another girl pregnant in the meanwhile)  Anyway down the line when the crazy dance is back in full force I asked why did you really get in touch with me that time honestly? He said honestly, its bc I thought you would give me advice and tell me what to do to fix my situation. Stupid me. the reality that they see and are in a relationship that is worlds apart from the one you perceive it to be is the truth.

In fact last time I saw my ex and spoke to him in person (I hadnt seen him for 2/3 months)I was saying Oh Ive missed you its nice to see  you, silence, um have you missed me?  him: to be honest, No my brain doesnt work like that I have too much stuff going on in it.

I asked him if he thought we felt differently about eachother? He said: honestly yeah I do I dont get hung up on the stuff like you do I can look at things you gave me and it doesnt make me think of you (he depersonalises things)

take your power back Matt in you for you and try and fight the drug cravings shes not ever going to be the fulfilment or ideal you think she could should or wouldve been. Best to focus your thinking on you and what you can do to make yourself feel better, the more you exert your thoughts into healing and doing the best thing for you- you wont desire the pain she resembles. How? She cant fix your pain. Only you can. Just like you arent the answer to hers. She is

Good Luck be strong... .for you. It will pass. If you let it. And as a couple of others said consider yourself lucky if she does just stay off the radar. Seriously. They are master manipulators. And we are fix its. Both have attachment intimacy issues. Focus on yours.

[MM]

"They were never into you to begin with

They are seriously mentally ill. Stop trying to make sense of her behavior. You can't. Stop trying to rationalize it. That's why it's called "mental illness" and a "Personality Disorder". For a borderline to admit they have BPD is to admit their perceptions of reality have been crazy their entire lives and that they are insane. It's life changing for a BPD to get better. It takes real commitment and you have to constantly be fighting your very perception of reality. Think about that and understand the magnitude of such a thing. It's daunting and is terrifying for someone with BPD. It's alright to take pity on their condition and empathize, but you need to accept it, pity it for a moment, then move on with your life. Forever. There's no going back. She's already violated every possible boundary a healthy person would even begin to accept with you. It's admirable that you still care for her, but take it from someone who knows. They are wasted tears and wasted emotions. Your BPD is not thinking about you at all. She never does. She has new supply now that is meeting her emotional needs at the moment. There is no guilt. No "sigh, I miss him" crap you see in the movies. They are out laughing and having a great time in the arms of another man. Believe it and accept it or you will drive yourself off the cliff emotionally and go crazy yourself. That cloudy thinking leaves you stuck in Oz and vulnerable to that sucking sound of a very good vacuum cleaner. "

I understand they were never into us even though they said so many things that they cared.  I am assuming they can never be into anyone by definition of the disorder?  Am I correct?  That because of the disorder they can never really care about anyone?

[DragonHeart]

I understand they were never into us even though they said so many things that they cared.  I am assuming they can never be into anyone by definition of the disorder?  Am I correct?  That because of the disorder they can never really care about anyone?

That's why they are able to rebound so quickly and instantly erase us from their minds because they were never emotionally invested in us to begin with. Not on a deep level anyway.

[AlexDP]

I understand they were never into us even though they said so many things that they cared.  I am assuming they can never be into anyone by definition of the disorder?  Am I correct?  That because of the disorder they can never really care about anyone?

That's why they are able to rebound so quickly and instantly erase us from their minds because they were never emotionally invested in us to begin with. Not on a deep level anyway.

I disagree. I'd say most of them are invested in us, but not the way we want them to be. We want some sort of love to exist. There is no love, but there is a bond. And in most cases it never really breaks. At least not for the borderline.

[Matthew_Taylor801]

I have to respectfully disagree there. my ex BPD GF was VERY much into me in the beginning, even though she was mentally twisted.  again, i am learning that BPD comes in many forms.  whatever high she was on when we first met was legit... for 3-4 months she was ecstatic when we were together.

[Worndowndad]

That's why they are able to rebound so quickly and instantly erase us from their minds because they were never emotionally invested in us to begin with. Not on a deep level anyway.

This is true for BPD's.  You may want to believe that during the idealization stage she loved you in a special way.  They are not capable of the emotion of unconditional love.  Its more infatuation than the emotion of love. 

[schwing]

I have to respectfully disagree there. my ex BPD GF was VERY much into me in the beginning, even though she was mentally twisted.  again, i am learning that BPD comes in many forms.  whatever high she was on when we first met was legit... for 3-4 months she was ecstatic when we were together.

Yes, she was "high."  In my experience, people with BPD (pwBPD) are always elated at the beginning of any relationship because they are under the delusion that they have finally "found" the "one" who won't trigger their BPD feelings.  The thing is, at that stage, we just haven't triggered them to the point that they are overwhelmed YET. 

And as I have come to understand this disorder, the biggest of their triggers are feelings of intimacy.  In the beginning, there is little "true" intimacy because they barely know us then.  "Real" intimacy kicks in with time and familiarity.  And when that kicks in (if that kicks in, some people are incapable of real intimacy) then so do their disordered feelings.  Then for pwBPD, it's "on no, it happened again."

From your perspective, she was ecstatic because of you; well, that's what she kept telling you the whole time.  From your perspective, she got attached to you and fell in love with you, perhaps just like you did her.  But what is different is she is mentally disorder and with her particular kind of disorder, no only does she attached differently, she doesn't stay attached.  Her feelings always change.  Eventually it changes enough for her to want to leave you.

I know that the feelings she exhibited and expressed at the beginning of your relationship appeared sincere and real.  But if you accept that she is mentally disordered, then you have to consider accepting that she is incapable of forming the kind of attachment you think she formed at the beginning of your relationship.  Otherwise, you are trying to say that she wasn't mentally disorder back then, that she just suddenly became mentally disordered somewhere later down the line.  It doesn't work that way.

If she has BPD, she was never attached to you in the same manner you were attached to her.  Disordered people don't form attachment the way non-disordered people do. 

Is she completely over you?  She was never under you.

Best wishes, Schwing

[Why Why Why]

do i enter her thoughts at all anymore?  i have been NC for 2 months and she is one of the BPD types that will depart and never come back.  could she very well be with someone new already despite the fact that she kept reiterating over and over again how she needs to be alone for a while?

Do you enter her thoughts?  Probably, she is a human being after all and even those with mental illnesses have memories and recollections.  If you were a significant part of her life then she has and will think about you from time to time.  HOWEVER, those thoughts are most likely not to the extent or level you would like them to be.

Is she with someone new?  Chances are likely yes.  My ex gave me the exact same line of "I'm not looking to date or be with anyone I want to be alone and focus on me blah blah blah".  I now have my BPD translater handy and what that usually means is... .she doesn't want you anymore because she has found a replacement.  Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth.  If they say they want to be alone, that means they're already with someone else.  She may have even been with this new guy while she was still with you.

You are so much better off without her and need to trust that this is a blessing in disguise.  Your ex was only using you for selfish gain, nothing more.  She is not capable of giving you what you truly want.

[Vagabond]

What why just said about them not being able to give you what you want... My ex said that to me right at the end. Now in 5 years she never said that, so you can imagine how much of a shock that was... ah but wait... Why did she say that? ... Yep you guessed it, my replacement was in place ready and waiting.

But ' why' is correct they cant give you what you want, unless you want to be looking over your shoulder all the time waiting for the next hammer blow, or you want to live your life as sherlock holmes always looking for clues to crimes committed against you.

[Mystic]

It's a bit funny, but I've not really thought about my ex in this way at all.  I haven't wondered if he thinks of me, haven't wondered if he's over me, haven't wondered if he's with someone else, haven't even been able to look back at the "good times" with anything but a kind of shock and horror.  

To me, it would be *impossible* for a person who professed such love and commitment, who made such promises and plans for the future to just turn into the crazy person who turned on me like a mad dog and left without reason and warning.  

So I have to believe that he was indeed disordered, and that none of what I experienced, although very real and genuine to me, was not real to him at all.  

Did he mean it at the time?  I suppose, maybe?  Again, the disorder.  Completely transient feelings... .here one minute gone the next.  

So it doesn't matter if he meant it at the time.

Really, what are the options here.  Either he did mean the love and promises in the early days in which case he is disordered and incapable of sustaining a relationship, or he did not mean it, was calculating in a predator sense, and just crafted and manipulated a relationship for personal gain. 

Kind of a lose/lose, isn't it. 

Given what I saw my ex was capable of doing to me, I haven't wanted him back, even from the start of the breakup.  Yes, I was crushed, wanted answers, wanted an explanation that could make some sort of sense to me, wanted to turn back the clock, wanted at least some peace and resolution between us instead of such unbelievable ugliness, wanted the man I loved back, but having gone to the place it did, the relationship was irretrievably broken.  Trust was destroyed, the belief in him as being a person of good character, an honorable man obliterated.  The person I knew and deeply loved died before my eyes during the leaving time... .he just went on breathing, walking talking... .an entirely different person.  The doppelgänger.  

So, I don't care to know anything about him, how or where he is, what he's doing, who he's with, if he thinks of me.  The man I knew is dead to me.  Gone, and cannot be resurrected.

[mrjoeman]

I really appreciate all the helpful advice and perspective on this website. I have started to come to the conclusion that I am dealing with a potential BPD who has decided to breakup our marriage. I'm dealing with it accordingly. We've separated now, but we also have 2 wonderful little boys - 5 and 19mo so as a result we need to see each other almost on a daily basis (I have the boys most of the time). At this point it has been 4 weeks since she delivered her message of ending things... .now I've found myself growing more and more angry inside and slowly shutting down, more and more. I can barely talk to her at all. All the elements are there including betrayal and deception. Just wondering what advice people here might have if you must deal with this person on an ongoing basis.

Thanks

[Checkmate]

Sadly, Matthew, what a BPD says and what a BPD does are two different things.

Words and actions frequently contradict eachother in BPD world ... .Sad but true ... .I think we spend alot of time trying to make sense of this behavior ... .It's one of the ways we stay attached and enmeshed ... .At least it's true for me ... .

[David Dare]

I think what is important here is why this matters to you, Matt.  Why do you want to know if she's thinking about you?

[GP44]

I think what is important here is why this matters to you, Matt.  Why do you want to know if she's thinking about you?

Because he's still attached. I think back to former girlfriends and love interests that I no longer have feelings for, and it doesn't concern me at all what they think of me, or if I cross their minds at all.

I'm kind of in the same boat 7.5 months removed from a relationship with a woman that I strongly suspect of having a Cluster B personality disorder. The end of our relationship has caused me so much pain - there's a part of me that is curious as to what it was like on her end. It takes a long time to finally reach the conclusion that there is no rational answer for why she did what she did, and that whether she thinks about me or not, she doesn't care enough to pick up the phone and call me.

My uncle kind of put it in perspective for me: ":)o you think she's mourning over you? Do you think she is obsessing over you? Do you think she cares that you are angry at her for how she ended the relationship? You have to give as good as you get and reach a similar state of indifference."

[once removed]

Is she with someone new?  Chances are likely yes.  My ex gave me the exact same line of "I'm not looking to date or be with anyone I want to be alone and focus on me blah blah blah".  I now have my BPD translater handy and what that usually means is... .she doesn't want you anymore because she has found a replacement.  Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth.  If they say they want to be alone, that means they're already with someone else.  She may have even been with this new guy while she was still with you.

truth.

[once removed]

Given what I saw my ex was capable of doing to me, I haven't wanted him back, even from the start of the breakup.  Yes, I was crushed, wanted answers, wanted an explanation that could make some sort of sense to me, wanted to turn back the clock, wanted at least some peace and resolution between us instead of such unbelievable ugliness, wanted the man I loved back, but having gone to the place it did, the relationship was irretrievably broken.  Trust was destroyed, the belief in him as being a person of good character, an honorable man obliterated.  The person I knew and deeply loved died before my eyes during the leaving time... .he just went on breathing, walking talking... .an entirely different person.  The doppelgänger.  

i feel virtually all of that but my own object constancy struggles with the version that emerged.

[Checkmate]

But ' why' is correct they cant give you what you want, unless you want to be looking over your shoulder all the time waiting for the next hammer blow, or you want to live your life as sherlock holmes always looking for clues to crimes committed against you.

This has definitely been my experience ... .Always waiting for the next shoe to drop ... .I had begun to wonder if my expectation that things were going to go wrong contributed to them going wrong ... .But the constant looking for clues, watching everything so you could figure out either, what was coming next or why what happened happened, wore me out.