BPD: Genetic or Learned?

[rotgut]

I'm sure this topic has been explored on another thread, but my searches turned up fairly fruitless, so I have to ask: is BPD primarily genetic or is it learned behavior?

My ubpw had a very messed up childhood, father was a fall down drunk and mother would leave her for extended periods of time, leaving my stb xw to care for her younger sibling. Seriously tragic Eastern European stuff. No joke. According to her, the first ten years of her childhood were ideal, but then the Soviet Union crumbled, dad turned to any bottle he could find, and mother went BI-Polar I.  For many years, I attributed her horrific behavior to being damaged by neglectful and abusive parents. But toward the end of our r/s she told me in what seemed like a very lucid moment for her: "I've always been like this". Which chilled me to the core, as she'd always blamed her behavior on something external, usually me or being abandoned in c/h.

Getting to the question. I'm fairly certain my SIL is also BPD. My stb upb w actually reminded me alot of my SIL when we met in college. They are both very high-functioning, extremely driven, require a fast paced highly structured school/work environment, and are prone to violent rages. I see BPD traits very clearly in my stbxw and my SIL. The weird thing for me is,  I also see BPD in my five year old niece, my SIL's daughter. My niece has frequent dysregulation, no object constancy, cries often and for apparently no reason, etc.  I watched her hit my SIL in the stomach the day after my SIL came home from having my nephew. But my niece is also extremely intelligent and excels in school. Her IQ has been tested and is very high, but she has the emotional maturity of a toddler, like her mother, and my stb xw. My niece exhibits many BPD traits and I'm fairly certain she has not been neglected or abused. If she really is BPD, how could the be? Genetics?

[diotima]

The problem with pwBPD raising children is that (1) there may be a genetic predisposition to the kind of abandonment trauma that needs to take place before someone develops BPD.  (2) PwBPD are very capable to inflicting such abandonment traumas, just by their tendency to cut off relationships in such absolute and ruthless manners.  Just the very sort of thing that would cause an abandonment trauma in an infant or toddler.  (3) Even if a child can develop without suffering the kind of abandonment trauma that allows for the development of BPD, they will have a parent upon whom all these BPD behaviors are modeled and emulated so that eventually they can pretty much be diagnosed as a pwBPD.

This is from another thread. Schwing wrote it and I think it is very good. I think the returns are not all in about the genetics, but from everything I have read there are early bonding issues that go awry. My ex had a BPD mother, who was a real piece of work. He is BPD but his siblings are not--but they are messed up. He rebelled, and he is the most intelligent of the three. Maybe he was the most sensitive too--I don't know. But he will never get over whatever happened to him and I am trying to learn how to accept this.

Diotima

[rotgut]

Interesting post. Thank you Diotima. My niece with the BPD traits, is five now, but seemed to have these traits from birth. Her little brother is about to turn two and he couldn't be more different, personality wise. He is a very happy kid. Makes me smile just to think about him he is so damn happy all the time.

My brother plays the role of mother/father in their marriage. He is severely stressed out and from all appearances he has three children, not two. If my SIL ever quits her high paying VP position, he will be completely screwed. The fact that my BPD SIL is always at work seems to be how he tolerates her BPD behavior.

[realityhurts]

I have no idea, there really could be several explainations.

Her mum is a waif type and I'm sure her dad has aspergers syndrome

Regardless, she will have had some pretty good training from her mum who's been depressed for the past, god knows how long. She gets a huge secondary gain from this and will never change... It's not her responsibility anyway, she passed that one onto the Dr.

My ex has huge chemical dependency issues and I'm not surpised... It's the easy fix, right?

We were together for 4 years so I have no idea what she was like before she started smoking, maybe that was the trigger?

It certainly seems to make her worse.

[mitti]

The book "Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Manning gives a very good description of how a heightened emotional sensitivity in combination with growing up in an invalidating environment can have a very detrimental effect on a person's ability to regulate his/her emotions. Another cause, perhaps a more important one, could be a disturbed attachment process with the main caregiver as a small child and/or trauma in childhood or perhaps even later in life. Personally I found it very helpful to read about attachment theory both in children and adults when trying to understand both my uBPDbf and myself. I suspect that pwBPDs for the most part have developed a disorganised attachment style.

[2010]

Borderlines are made, not born.

[Beach_Babe]

I believe a combination of nature and nuture.

[jhan6120]

When I asked my T how my ex got to be the way she is, his response was "Who cares? Just get the hell out."

Question answered.

[simon17]

Its got to be mostly learned (or inflicted) behavior.  For those that seems born with BPD tendencies (honestly I don't really know what that means anyway), but I think some of the stress and trauma of a BPD relationship will be instilled on a fetus.  Being a fetus and then an infant that can sense moods very well, being in a relationship with that rollercoaster of love and hatred is going to condition them emotionally to associate normality with that sort of emotional rollercoaster.  As they get older and imitate specific behavior it can get worse even without being officially "abandoned" (in any event, growing up with BPD parent(s) may very well end up being equivalent to emotional abandonment anyway)

[rotgut]

Mitti this makes sense to me "a heightened emotional sensitivity in combination with growing up in an invalidating environment can have a very detrimental effect on a person's ability to regulate his/her emotions."

My niece is definitely hyper sensitive emotionally. Her father is very much NPD and she is very much his little princess. This coupled with seeing her mother's BPD behavior from birth, m/b this is her road to BPD.  ? 

[rotgut]

It's strange b/c I see so much of my uBPD w's temperament in my niece. No relation. She is super intelligent like my stb xw and is very engaging and sweet, if you can keep her mind busy, and are keen on answering her many questions. I have to kind of protect her from her other uncle who seems to joy in getting her to dysregulate. He does this at every family gathering. He thinks she is just bratty and it is somehow funny to get her to "freak out" the way she does. So strange to see this familiar behavior in such a little girl.

[mitti]

I have to kind of protect her from her other uncle who seems to joy in getting her to dysregulate. He does this at every family gathering. He thinks she is just bratty and it is somehow funny to get her to "freak out" the way she does. 

OMG how mean of him. By the sounds of it she needs help to regulate her emotions not the opposite. Good for her she has you who can be a safe shield in such an environment.

[Sailskier]

My personal story is inumerated with mental diagnosis of my expbd's family history. 

His father was a very ill man, with Bipolar I; he would shop in the middle of the night, he would run naked in the highway, etc.  His mother was raised by a very stern and unloving father; she was flawed, flawed; an addict & suffered from Chronic Depression.  She was dealt a hand that she didn't expect; left to raise three babies. She would leave them be for days, as she was popping valiums, not working, and drinking diet coke.  Two of the boys were sexually molested by a neighboor (my ex was not).  She was incredibly strict with issues as "cleaning up after yourselves"; never talking back; doing chores & even having them make their own meals.  She was not there for school events, criticized a mediocre grades, etc.  They learned to survive and become High Functioning men. 



They learned to survive and become High Functioning men.  The telling part is that they have all struggled in interpersonal relationships; drug & alchohol & sex addictions. They are grown men in their 40's and 50's.

My ex's 13d is already on meds for cutting herself... .she appears to be in a very stable loving enviroment with her mother and stepfather... .who knows is he isn't carryin the Bipolar gener and already behaving BPD.


The predesposition of having Bipolarism when having a Bipolar parent is 35%, combined with an unurturing environment, it is a perfect storm to generate a BPD.  Im my case, it's dificult to say if the main ingredient is Bipolarims or BPD, I just know that all that I have experienced with my ex and his behaviour tendencies leads me to this forum, because all I have read, it defines his behaviour exactly.  Now, what chemically goes on in his head that may excarterbate the behaviour, I do not know. It is very confusing for a co-dependant as I am not to be able to "fix". 



I am learning quite a bit about myself; my co-dependency thru this process... .it is very difficult to have to look deeply into my past... .I can only imagine what it is like for a BPD, for them, being cruel is about survival.

[Sailskier]

I can only imagine what it is like for a BPD, for them, being cruel is about survival.

Before you say it, I'll say it:      Spoken like a true co-dependent!

[jhan6120]

My understanding is that some people are born 'hyper-sensitive.' They simply have less of an emotional skin than other people. Inherited or not, this is what nature gave them. Marsha Linehan often describes BPD's as 'emotional burn victims.' This makes a lot of sense to me.

Combine this hyper-sensitive, thin emotional skin with the wrong childhood environment: an abusive/narcissistic parent, sexual abuse, neglect, etc . ... and BPD is a very possible outcome. Basically, the child becomes developmentally arrested and stays at the age they were when the trauma happened.

It's becoming more and more accepted that BPD is a Nature AND Nurture illness. If you look at it logically; not everyone who was horribly abused as a kid develops BPD. There has to be SOMETHING physiological involved. The affective instability alone with most BPD's points to brain difference, at least to me.

[Munch]

I agree with you jhan, not that I have any in depth knowledge on the subject.  It just makes sense that BPD's are hyper sensitive people that got stuck.  Emotional burn victims seems like a good way to try and understand it.  I know my h suffers - I can see it!  I also know there is some kind of disconnect between logic, reason and emotions.  This is just my understanding after living with someone for 34 years.  I can't see how it is only nuture, there has to be a inherited component as well. 

Munchxo