BPD ex is still stalking me online.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm a sexual trauma survivor and there's pretty much one decent support site online. This site is very helpful and important for me, because it's always there and is a great source of support. The problem is that my ex with BPD is there too. Every site there is (except this one) she's on. She's blocked, but she still looks at my profile and my heart still jumps like I'm waiting for a "punishment" every time I see her lurking around. I feel afraid and ashamed of having some rants about how people treat me on there that are basically about her. When I wrote those things, I felt so strong and empowered, but now I basically feel shaky and horrible.

My best friend thinks I should keep posting there. The BPD ex basically just shows up and writes really paltry "I care" type comments on things, but doesn't actually do any actual processing work of her own. My friend thinks she's doing it to get a reaction out of me so that I'll break NC and that I need to just keep using the site and not let it bother me. At the same time... .just seeing her name on the "active users" list makes me a little nauseous.

[spiralthorns]

I'm a sexual trauma survivor and there's pretty much one decent support site online. This site is very helpful and important for me, because it's always there and is a great source of support. The problem is that my ex with BPD is there too. Every site there is (except this one) she's on. She's blocked, but she still looks at my profile and my heart still jumps like I'm waiting for a "punishment" every time I see her lurking around. I feel afraid and ashamed of having some rants about how people treat me on there that are basically about her. When I wrote those things, I felt so strong and empowered, but now I basically feel shaky and horrible.

My best friend thinks I should keep posting there. The BPD ex basically just shows up and writes really paltry "I care" type comments on things, but doesn't actually do any actual processing work of her own. My friend thinks she's doing it to get a reaction out of me so that I'll break NC and that I need to just keep using the site and not let it bother me. At the same time... .just seeing her name on the "active users" list makes me a little nauseous.

[2010]

The BPD ex basically just shows up and writes really paltry "I care" type comments on things, but doesn't actually do any actual processing work of her own.

Separate and Individuate. Become your own person. When you do- you'll be able to allow her to fail. She does not represent your failure and you do not represent hers. By the same token you do not represent each other's recovery. You are both individuals, apart and alone. It will be necessary in your recovery to step ahead, alone. She also has no control over you. Become the person you want to be in spite of others, keep yourself in kind regard and expect that there will be those that are ahead on the road and those that are behind. Your recovery is your own path- keep it focused with the goal of looking inward honestly.  Our society doesn't encourage painful inner honesty. I think it takes a very brave, motivated person to go through hell and come out the other side. Keep it your own journey and you'll succeed. 

[spiralthorns]

Thanks, I just... .feel like me trying to process on a site she's using is pointless. It hurts to see topics popping up in EVERY forum with titles that are designed to hurt me. It makes me feel scared and re-traumatized. Since she has abused me, I PM'd a mod to ask if there was anything that could be done.

[push pull]

I recently reactivated facebook, and I checked my block lists to make sure everything was still intact, but I noticed that my BPDexgf was not on there.

I know I shouldn't have done it, but part of me thought that she had created a new account and had some plan in mind to possibly contact me in the near future -- to lure me into some sort of trap. So, I decided to do a quick name search and I found her.

Now what was unusual about this, was she had her new profile set to public, something she never did before. I felt shaken and nauseous at seeing this because part of me felt as though she done this as some sort of cloak and dagger scheme to get at me, i.e., making her profile public so that I could see her and her boyfriend together.

Then I also thought to myself that, now she has a new profile she is no longer on my block list, meaning she has the ability to contact me whenever she wants. I can really imagine her sending me a pretentious apology so that I would then be inclined to check her public profile out and see her and her guy together. So, I decided this was not going to happen and I put my account in lockdown so no non-friends can friend request me or send me any messages.

You might think I'm being paranoid about this, but I caught her secretly lurking on my friendslist 5 months after the split, and she had been with her boyfriend for 5 months also. There's also many more things, but it's not worth going into detail again.

So if she has done this as part of an elaborate plan to lure me into a trap, then it's failed because she can't contact me at all.

I advise anyone using FB to also put their account in lockdown too.