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Author Topic: What sex means to those in a BPD relationship  (Read 14489 times)
daybreak
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« on: April 04, 2012, 07:56:58 AM »

KMINERY, in his "flags" thread briefly discussed the hyper oral sex from his partner.  I do not mean to be inappropriate or graphic here,  but I have never read anything regarding the oral thing until his post... .but I wonder about it constantly as to what's it really about... .I guess with specific regard to BPD women.  Mine too would put any porn star to shame... .and wanted to do oral constantly and did not want to stop... .she fantasized about oral and would go on for hours if possible... .and the fact that you were "done" made no difference... .I knew her when she was fifteen (now sixty) and she was the same regarding oral... except that she has refined her skills to the insane level... .and I guess it is insane; but I'll tell you what we all know; it is a tremendous "hook" emotionally for men... .of course she knows that,  But I promise you it's not just for effect on the man... .she LOVES it beyond belief as we discussed it repeatedly.  So now that KIMINERY has brought it up... .I'm suspecting it is very prevalent... .but does anyone have a clue as to what it's all about?  By the way... .she is not some "skank"... .she is beautiful, and a very high-functioning business executive.  How does this fit into the overall scheme of BPD.?
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Sofie
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« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2012, 08:27:11 AM »

Daybreak,

Many pwBPD get a fleeting sense of self-worth from their sexual prowess and have very conflicted feelings about sex and love, often confusing the two or thinking that they must perform sexually in order to be worthy of love and appreciation. And some pwBPD use sex as a form of control. Keep in mind that many pwBPD have been sexually abused and thus have never been able to develop a healthy respect for their own bodies and (sexual) boundaries or those of their partners.
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daybreak
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« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2012, 08:42:33 AM »

Sofie,

Thanks... .I understand your answer... .BUT... .it's not staged.  She gets tremendous gratification from it personally... .and I realize it is far beyond compulsive.  I guess it fits with the overall hyper-sexuality thing because she could have multiple and unending orgasms... .and stay totally lubricated with no slow down.  What a total mind warp these people are... .I guess they are people... .they can leave you so burnt out and questioning everything and anything.
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KE151
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« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2012, 08:48:19 AM »

Daybreak: I too confirm.

Q: What does a girl get when giving oral sex?

A: The guy's full attention.

Mine spoke a lot about giving oral, and apparently loved to do it. But as Sofie points out, I think doing it gave her a feeling of control because in a way it is a huge hook for most men. For my exuBPDgf, sex really is the main tool she uses in her push pull behaviors. If in hate mode, no sex, in fact she made sure it was impossible by sleeping on the couch downstairs. In love/clingy/make up mode, sex all the time, everywhere, no matter what. Even if kids were in the same bed sleeping, she would want to do it.
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Sofie
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« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2012, 08:56:57 AM »

Sofie,

Thanks... .I understand your answer... .BUT... .it's not staged.  She gets tremendous gratification from it personally... .and I realize it is far beyond compulsive.  I guess it fits with the overall hyper-sexuality thing because she could have multiple and unending orgasms... .and stay totally lubricated with no slow down.  What a total mind warp these people are... .I guess they are people... .they can leave you so burnt out and questioning everything and anything.

Well, some pwBPD also use sex to self-medicate. In the moment of climax, there is no hurt, no fear, just bliss, right? BPD is all about extremes and I think some pwBPD abuse sex the way many of them abuse drugs, alcohol or other substances.

Also, I am not sure that pwBPD really always know how to separate their own feelings from those  who they are enmeshed with. I remember once speaking with my exBPD about the sexual abuse she had suffered by her father and I asked how that had made her feel. She just shrugged and said, "Well, he said I liked it, so I guess I did." I was absolutely speechless.
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daybreak
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« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2012, 09:00:42 AM »

KE151,

Okay... .I've seen the same behaviour you describe and it fits.  It's just that it SEEMS like it (oral) was mostly for

her... .and that she craved it.  Just hard to wrap your brain around.
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yianks69
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« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2012, 09:03:05 AM »

I think doing it gave her a feeling of control because in a way it is a huge hook for most men.

This plus she is trying to give a good sexual performance so we don’t leave them and realize their biggest fear, abandonment.

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KE151
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« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2012, 09:09:53 AM »

I think doing it gave her a feeling of control because in a way it is a huge hook for most men.

This plus she is trying to give a good sexual performance so we don’t leave them and realize their biggest fear, abandonment.

Makes perfect sense. Mine also spoke a lot about her married boyfriends... .that their wives don't give them enough sex at home so they come to her for it (I only now realize she used them for supply, not just sex as she claimed). So in our r/s she was really doing her best to make sure I got enough, and boy, did I indeed.

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Kminery
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« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2012, 09:12:00 AM »

To expand on the topic of oral. My exBPDgf started our physical intimacy with her rules: she gives me oral sex. That's it. I couldn't give her oral, or have intercourse. This took place for about 2 months before we went full scale.

In all my previous relations, oral came as the peak of sexual activity, that is after partners become comfy with each other. Not with my exBPDgf.

Also, when we were in the middle of intercourse, she would just push me to tell me she wants to give me oral. Most of the times.

I had physical contact with prostitutes when I was a teen. It is NOTHING compared to her oral skills. It made me cry of pleasure. And regarding lubrication, I never saw such a flow.

I would say as other posters did, oral is maximum control for BPD over nons, and maximum pleasure for nons. Optimal scene for them to hook us to the core.
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daybreak
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« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2012, 09:16:22 AM »

yianks69... ."trying to give a GOOD performance?"... .how about passing out from excitement while giving oral?  I'm gleaning something from all the responses... .and I agree with all to some extent... .but her love of erotic sex was for the largest part... .for her.  She's too self centered ultimately, to be all about her lover... .I believe the "crazy" oral was mostly for her... .she loves it... .and she is out of control when doing it... .she is not even thinking period.
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yianks69
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« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2012, 09:25:47 AM »

daybreak, this is also a good possibility.

Another thing that comes to my mind, when I have mental pictures about this, is that she was mirroring porn actresses.

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daybreak
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« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2012, 09:38:20 AM »

yianks69... .I KNOW she was mirroring porn stars in some ways.  She was married for 10 years to a total sex addict narcissist... .she wouldn't tell me everything he required of her.  But remember I was with her at age 15... .and she had never seen a porn film then believe me... .we were each others first sex.  She took to oral the fist time we experimented and never looked back... .she loved it then too and none of that was about "control" or trying to impress me or keep me... .I submit my case.  I can't help but feel there's something else here too.  She too, was sexually abused at a very young age... .and I know it's connected to the overall hyper sexuality... .but I still wonder about the oral "fixation" and off the charts pleasure for her.

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daybreak
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« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2012, 05:56:30 PM »

Well, a female weighed in... .in a private message... .feeling a little sensitive posting publicly... .I wondered about the female experience when her partner was BPD.  So it's pretty much the same from her perspective in that he was totally into oral with her and seemingly fixated on it to the extreme.  She feels the reasons are pretty much what the male posters feel.  I wish more females would post their experiences or feelings from a woman's perspective.  Understand the sensitivity, but we really can't see you or know who you are in cyberspace... .this is educational, not for titillation.
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« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2012, 06:25:52 PM »

I am willing to be a female that speaks up.

I had an ex that was very into giving oral sex.  He was extremely good at it.  I will tell you that even though he got great sexual satisfaction out of it and I had the best time of my life, he also used it for control.  He knew full well how to use his touch to bring a woman to her knees so that they would want him undyingly.

I think what you are missing is that the ability to control someone like that in and of itself is a major sexual turn on for them.  Mine even told me about making women pass out even before he touched them.  He didn't brag like you would picture a NPD doing it but rather said it in an almost embarrassed fashion yet with a flavor of pride.  He even then went on to show me and even though I didn't pass out, it was a crazy feeling of almost losing consciousness.  He told me that it was one of his greatest pleasures to see a woman totally taken over in sexual bliss.

Does that make it make sense to you?

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OneTrickPony
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« Reply #14 on: April 04, 2012, 06:49:20 PM »

Other than impulsive destructive behaviors, I am wondering where "great oral skills" fits into

the diagnostic criteria for BPD?

I don't mean to be a buzzkill here, but, being skilled in bed and getting turned on by sex doesn't mean

someone has a personality disorder.

It's said that practice makes perfect. So, you got involved with someone who is well-rehearsed.

That's about all that can be proved by someone who can do the Dirty Sanchez.

My point is this: just because a person is this or that, can do this or that, is bad at this or amazing

at that doesn't mean they're disordered. You may have very well been involved with someone who's

bat___ crazy, koo koo for coco puffs. I'm not saying you weren't. But being great in bed doesn't

make them so.

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OutOfTheAshes

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« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2012, 05:09:17 PM »

Whew, think about this... .if there is a detachment disorder early on and emotional development is arrested at two or three years of age... .what's the possibility of being locked into the psychosexual development of that age grouping?

Oral stage (from wikepedia, Freud)

The first stage of psychosexual development is the oral stage, spanning from birth until the age of two years, wherein the infant's mouth is the focus of libidinal gratification derived from the pleasure of feeding at the mother's breast, and from the oral exploration of his or her environment, i.e. the tendency to place objects in the mouth. The id dominates, because neither the ego nor the super ego is yet fully developed, and, since the infant has no personality (identity), every action is based upon the pleasure principle. Nonetheless, the infantile ego is forming during the oral stage; two factors contribute to its formation: (i) in developing a body image, he or she is discrete from the external world, e.g. the child understands pain when it is applied to his or her body, thus identifying the physical boundaries between body and environment; (ii) experiencing delayed gratification leads to understanding that specific behaviors satisfy some needs, e.g. crying gratifies certain needs.[5]Weaning is the key experience in the infant's oral stage of psychosexual development, his or her first feeling of loss consequent to losing the physical intimacy of feeding at mother's breast. Yet, weaning increases the infant's self-awareness that he or she does not control the environment, and thus learns of delayed gratification, which leads to the formation of the capacities for independence (awareness of the limits of the self) and trust (behaviors leading to gratification). Yet, thwarting of the oral-stage — too much or too little gratification of desire — might lead to an oral-stage fixation, characterised by passivity, gullibility, immaturity, unrealistic optimism, which is manifested in a manipulative personality consequent to ego malformation. In the case of too much gratification, the child does not learn that he or she does not control the environment, and that gratification is not always immediate, thereby forming an immature personality. In the case of too little gratification, the infant might become passive upon learning that gratification is not forthcoming, despite having produced the gratifying behavior

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daybreak
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« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2012, 05:36:53 PM »

out of the ashes; that's the area I wanted to get to... .by first identifying just how many have experienced the extreme oral we are talking about... .some think we are talking about just being an excellent performer at sex... .that's not the case at all.  I'm talking about a total off the charts, mind blowing compulsion. I have always wondered how common that type of oral sex was for BPD folks to produce... .but have never seen research into that area specifically... .and obviously it is highly sensitive and difficult to get a grip on... .but I think we have heard enough on this topic in this thread already to make you wonder... .I think there is something to it.
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Clearmind
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« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2012, 05:53:38 PM »

Borderlines are not the only ones who have the ability to use sex as a weapon.

If you are aware of the DSM - the criteria for diagnosing Borderlines - impulsivity and dissociation are two of the criteria. Although being boundary-less is not in the criteria it was certainly common in my relationship ~ my ex used sex to self regulate and it had little to do with me as a partner.

Quote Freud, speculate about why your SO was so into sex may not be helpful. A combination of impulsiveness, being boundary-less may have had something to do with it. Sex is used to serve and your SO can't exist without attention and it bolsters her failing ego - its actually a very sad way to live - maybe have a think about how you contributed to this servitude?

I think we have concluded here that you all had mind-blowing sex - it means something very different to your BPD partner ~ given BPD is an emotional/attachment disorder.

Can I ask you: Would you consider vulnerability, trust, intimacy, empathy, and respect to be essential elements for love and a fulfilling sex life for both you and your next partner?

Did you have this in your relationship? Do you want it for the next relationship?


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pallavirajsinghani
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« Reply #18 on: April 05, 2012, 05:59:05 PM »

Too much emphasis on "oral" could represent:

1)  There is a disconnect needed from the partner.  You don't see the partner in the eyes, you don't see their faces as much.  Therefore, it could be considered less emotionally connected than intercourse.

2)  Giving too much oral could be a desire for NOT wanting as much oral.  That is, it is again, a disconnect.  Receiving will make one emotionally vulnerable.  Giving may not involve that vulnerability because one can always withhold giving.  Receiving is not in your control.

3)  It could also mean an infantile arrested development in terms of breast suckling, sort of pacifier... .a self-soothing mechanism.

So, I think that what it implies depends upon the degree and intensity and upon the context.  Hence, in everyone of your relationships, it may suggest something different.

By the way, everyone mentions on the boards "Porn-Star" sex as a standard for the ultimate gratification, the penumbra of all sex making, the absolute against which all other "normal sex has to be measured.

This is so ironic, because "Porn-Star" sex is acting, it is fake, it is performed by paid actors and actresses and it gives titillation and no gratification.

It would be wise, I think to understand the reasons why one considers "porn-star" sex experience as the "best ever".  The self-analysis perhaps would help us understand why we allowed ourselves to be seduced by a fake fantasy to begin with and it may allow us not to make this into a repeated cycle of seduction.
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« Reply #19 on: April 05, 2012, 07:51:37 PM »

This is one of the reasons she left me (although she never said so). I suffer from ED and have some nerve damage which when viagra would work... .I could only feel pressure and not sensation. She as others on this board seemed dig giving oral. She perfomed at least a dozen times on me and I was never able to finsh. What really grabbed me above in reading... .was her hiding the disappointment.  She always said I just want to make you feel good. She had this look on her like it was her fault... .i kinda flipped out... stating... .you do not take this issue. Plumbing isnt working like it should. My god ... if she just saw the fireworks in my brain, i d tell her... .Also when we tried intercourse... .we only managed to connect one time out of 5or 6 times. She wondered aloud if that was the best she was ever going to get from me. 

There are two ways to look at this... a woman can only take so much frustration if her needs are not met

A woman dx w BPD would def not hang around because she is not able to control, unable to calm.her dysregulation through the act... .feel a better sense of self worth

Then really... .how many women in the world is a difficult sex life simply a deal breaker?

At 34, she was my first everything.  I simply cannot paint the right portrait so you can see how I feel. I waited 4ever to connect with someone. She really seemed to accept me and my body. We were so comfortable so fast. The last time we tried IC ... .I couldnt make it happen the blood pressure simply dropped from the Viagra... .almost passed out. She just whimpered out we dont fit, we just dont fit... .talk about a blow to a mans ego.

What healthy woman would put up with me?   We  both valued  sex ... she would never give me instructions with regard to oral. I never knew what i was doing... .she said prev  that she was  an ez O ... .but I could never give it to her... .20 mins of stimulation and just couldn't help her out... .she never said thats why she left... .she didnt have to.

This is soo shallow of me... .but im a 5 and shes about an 8... .ill never ever have someone that hot bed me again.  So even though she wasnt able to control me through explosive sexual feeling... .she has been able to control me by being what i needed to hear and say... .which has so effed up my head.

I think (hope!) this r/s may have gotten me.to realize that sex shouldnt need to lead to love in order to feel love.  And I believe she will  never understand that.
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« Reply #20 on: April 05, 2012, 08:42:36 PM »

I still don't see the point of this thread.

Anyone here posting in this tread a psychiatrist/psychologist/LCSW?

I also don't seem to see any of the supposed "nons" here who stopped their supposed PD partner's

superhuman skills. Anyone?

Of course you didn't. You were as into it as he/she was or you'd have walked.

If you're going to question someone's behavior, it's always helpful to question your own.

Just because you're heartbroken over a relationship doesn't mean everything your supposed

PDex did was symptomatic of a disorder.

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« Reply #21 on: April 05, 2012, 09:40:47 PM »

Very interesting!  Oral fixation.

My expwBPDbf smoked, binge ate and had weight issues, was an amazing kisser and an absolute god with oral.  He loved doing it and I surely never said no!  And could control my body like an marionette - bring me to peak and stop and bring close again and stop - did this several times - until he would give me a devilish grin and then let me finish... .Sigh...

It was interesting as he suffered from Erectile Dysfunction at the beginning of our relationship - I just enjoyed the oral and would give back and let him do what he wanted.  He relaxed and the problem disappeared and we enjoyed intercourse, however, I then discovered he had delayed ejaculation.  Again, no pressure, and I never said anything negative.  He was upset that he couldn't have a happy ending and didn't want me to think it was me.  Having studied physiology and human sexuality - I knew it wasn't my fault and knew it was due to an emotional issue within him and I knew he was sensitive about it so I never made it a big deal - I just let him know how much I enjoyed him and made sure he had a good time too.  He was great as he was always ramped up and ready to go and I adored him and we would spend all weekend in bed.  He started getting really close. I knew he was into porn and masterbation and he said he had orgasms by himself, but said he would stop so he could desensitize himself to orgasm with me.  Sadly, he blacked me out 5 weeks ago... .I miss him

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« Reply #22 on: April 05, 2012, 10:48:59 PM »

I usually don't open up this much on a thread, so I'll try to keep this as tame as possible.

Yes, my dBPDexh was a phenomenal lover. I had no idea lovemaking could be that fabulous. But I certainly never saw it as manipulation. It was something synergistic between us- we may have had our problems, but DAYUM THAT part of our r/s was off the charts.

However, in reading some of the posts, a lot of the behaviors mentioned seem pretty 'normal'. I certainly have no issues with oral. I enjoy giving my man satisfaction, and I just plain old enjoy  doing it. And you know what? I hope my partner enjoys it. That's kind of the goal, right? I usually don't go into this thinking, "I'm going to perform this act, and I hope I'm freaking MEDIOCRE!"
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« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2012, 11:04:06 PM »

Daybreak, I understand your thought process, and what you are trying to conclude here. The way you are asking it though, will lead you to results that aren't conclusive scientifically, and will just lead you to further believe in your own thoughts, thinking you had scientific proof.


Lets look at the evidence here. This thread has been active for 2 days now. You, personally started it, and have 6 of your own posts in this thread. There have been 23 replies. That means that others have replied 17 times. It looks like there are 11 unique posters in the thread. Some of these 11 are not agreeing with your perception, rather, are posting back to you to explain the phenomenon that you are experiencing. So lets say that 5 of these posters here are agreeing.

5 agreeing out of 427 reads.

5 agreeing out of a posting population numbering in the thousands.

I could easily walk into a room full of construction workers, and ask "Who has a girlfriend, or a wife, who has green eyes, red hair, and is under 5' 4". I bet I get a few that fit the bill.

You are looking for validation in your thoughts, and that can be dangerous in certain aspects. Validation is good, when the thoughts being validated are good.

If I polled this message board about how many people were physically abused more than once, I would get many hundreds of victim statements about how they did nothing wrong and were continually abused.

If I polled the message board, and asked How many people still stayed, after the first time they were abused, and continued to accept the abuse, I would have a very self evaluating discussion about why we continued to stay in a situation that we knew we were allowing ourselves to be abused. This would help us understand why we devalued ourselves to the point of accepting abuse over self preservation.

The later has a healing and learning platform, the first has a co-misery feel to it, which will just drive us further into our own victimization.

Maybe you should be asking yourself why you valued sex over the treatment you received, or the pain you endured to hold on to that "mind blowing sexual dynamic". This would lead you to introspection where the answer is, rather than in a group where you share the same character traits.


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« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2012, 11:27:16 PM »

I also don't seem to see any of the supposed "nons" here who stopped their supposed PD partner's superhuman skills. Anyone?

Of course you didn't. You were as into it as he/she was or you'd have walked.

If you're going to question someone's behavior, it's always helpful to question your own.

Quote Freud, speculate about why your SO was so into sex may not be helpful. A combination of impulsiveness, being boundary-less may have had something to do with it. Sex is used to serve and your SO can't exist without attention and it bolsters her failing ego - its actually a very sad way to live - maybe have a think about how you contributed to this servitude?

I agree with OneTrickPony/Clearmind here and ask if you believe the following: 

1. BPD = Incredible sex or an oral fixation

2. BPD = Sex without boundaries

3. Sexual Intensity = Intimacy = Love

4. Sexual Intensity = Real Connection = Soulmates

5. Sexual Intensity + BPD = Sexual Perversion

6. Sexual Intensity alone = Healthy Relationship

7. Great sex = Crazy

None of these are rules and ironically seem to be some common misconceptions. And pretty black and white if you look at it.


Why when it was so good, yet was a red flag, why we didn't stop it?  Was it selfishness?  Or maybe it wasn't a redflag then but in our loss maybe we let the resentment and anger mask our true pain allowing us to "rundown" something about a person we once really enjoyed and to pervert or apply shame to something that really isn't perverted or shameful?

Why is it an issue only after we have lost this person that it becomes a problem?  Does it validate us and our worth to take one of the most private parts of relationship and to cast a the shadow of mental illness on it?

If we knew our partner had/has some sexual issues and vulnerabilities what does it say about us that we allowed it to happen as long as it worked for us knowing that it might have spoken to something larger?  What does this topic say about us?



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« Reply #25 on: April 06, 2012, 12:38:50 AM »

This is a very sensitive topic.  I understand that.

Is it possible that some triggers are happening here?

Is there a way to see that each person is coming at this with there own point of view and own needs?

I think that it is safe to say that it is okay to have different opinions and I hope we can find a way to come back to a respectful stance with each other. 

We are here to help each other.

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« Reply #26 on: April 06, 2012, 01:42:56 AM »

Staff only

Hi guys

Just a reminder about the guidelines for discussions, to welcome diversity and not debating others' points of view.

Format: FORUM is a collegial venue characterized by or having "authority" vested equally among colleagues/peers. Colleagues/peers in "collegial harmony" present as equals and the credibility of their positions is based solely on the quality of the position they advance in writing. Diversity is the objective

Forum is different than debate. Debate is an argument or a discussion generally ending with a vote or best decision. In debate, unity is the objective. At bpdfamily.com members are discouraged from debating - arguing against others' positions, questioning the wisdom of others, or restating of their position repeatedly.


Thanks guys

Best wishes

Patty
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« Reply #27 on: April 06, 2012, 10:13:04 AM »

Hi everyone!

I experienced something quite different with expwBPD; he definitely objectified me and often no eye contact was made whatsoever and I was almost always positioned facing away from him.  He would often mention how he struggled to maintain control (even) during sex, which confirms to me now about how the lack of intimacy permeated every aspect of our "relationship." There was never a desire to "please me" and even sex was all about him which leads me to believe he was heavily narcissistic.  He would get up quickly to, I guess, remove the evidence on me and, well, you get the picture.

Looking back on it is absolutely humiliating.  I am mortified that I could ever think this was ok.  My needs were never important and whenever I tried to discuss my needs the conversation would be turned and become all about him again; my words would be twisted and interpreted as insulting.  Eventually I just stopped trying to talk about it. 

I think shame is the last smudge on my soul that I'm having a problem washing away.
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« Reply #28 on: April 06, 2012, 10:17:42 AM »

Friends,

This thread was not meant to be a professional survey to be presented to the American Psychiatric Association for publication.  It was just a topic for discussion that I thought may have some relevance.  I think the thread is perfectly legitimate within the context of education and information regarding the insidious, destructive condition of BPD  that reeks so much pain on so many.

Researchers already know that hyper-sexuality is a prevalent feature of many people with BPD; meaning in part that their sexuality is skewed from the normal person.  Further it is a known fact that relationship problems are a hallmark feature of people with BPD.  That does not mean that certain "Nons" do not also have certain issues with sexuality and relationships as well... .therefore you have to keep things in perspective when discussing any of these very sensitive issues.

BPD is being studied and researched by certain Universities on a regular basis.  It is very complex and no one has all the answers... .and may never have.  Having said that, these boards are a tremendous asset to us all... .people who's lives have been drastically affected and altered forever by a BPD relationship.  Thus far I've not seen any comments that were inappropriate or too graphic.

It is ridiculous to think any specific conclusions could be drawn from this thread that is very limited in scope; However, from the comments I have seen on my personal messages as well as those posted, I'm not the only one that has wondered about this topic... .I very much appreciate all the comments, even those that "don't see the point."
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« Reply #29 on: January 25, 2013, 08:58:27 AM »

Reading through everyone's posts left me feeling saddened.  My BPDSO told me she didn't like to do things like oral sex. Quite frankly she told me she didn't like anything porn-like.

The reality was a string of men behind my back, each of them getting the porn star experience, going to extremes to make it more exciting each time.

The same applied to her porn addiction which has recently come to light.  It's out of control.

The question I would really love the answer to is, "why not me?".  She knew I was willing to do anything for her sexually, so why shut me out and give it all to another man (she was cheating with one man for the whole 6 years we were together and started after 2 weeks of our relationship - he got everything I wanted).

Would love some opinions since its always on my mind. 
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