Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 05:54:40 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
204
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Infidelity and BPD  (Read 2201 times)
ShadowDancer
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 502


WWW
« Reply #30 on: November 14, 2013, 01:30:19 AM »

Unknown to her, I began my exit and making plans to move her out the very second I found the first text to another man. Never slept in the same bed with her again. So the one I knew never had a chance to step all the way out on me. I kicked her to the curb so she robbed my home in retaliation. Even after that dirty bag act she tried a reconnect with me to no avail. I suppose she was used to sucker men who will repeat. I was not going to even discuss it. She was living with another man within a month, and not the one she was texting. To think that I loved her.
Logged
Changingman
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
Posts: 644



« Reply #31 on: November 14, 2013, 01:42:11 AM »

My view is that it is impulse.

Am i right in thinking a majority of borderlines are very good looking? im not saying this is the case as there are many variations of BPD. But lets take the case of infidelity within a borderline.

They have the knowledge that their looks is power or so they feel.

Having little sense of self their looks becomes a dominant feature for them to work from to boost their ego, to boost their needs be forfilled.

Their looks are just an object to them that they feel they have power with.

They use this object (their looks) to attract other objects (replacements/affair partners).

Their looks or attractiveness to others becomes central to their own being giving them a feeling of a sense of self. But in reality they are kidding themselves. They cant really believe for the rest of their lives that their looks and only their looks will carry them through all that life throws at them.

But they do belive it because they dont have a different mindset and no core beliefs.

They are the object of their own desires, they want to be the object of others desires.

Well they do say 'treat others like youd like to be treated yourself', so go figure, they are an object to themselves, they see and treat others as objects so in return they need to be treated as objects to feel any sense of self or worth.

But that isnt healthy or right. I can see that now and certainly wont be travelling that same path again in allowing anyone to treat me as an object of either their desires or hatred.

I am a human being and deserve to be treated with love and respect, not played with like a toy by an adult acting like a 4 year old.

Yes to all of this,

I also think they are confused with friendships, always describing simple early friendships with distorted closeness, my uBPDxgf thought that 10 year true friendships I had with girls would be put aside and they were now their BF (hints of me being pushed out) because they included her in some social event. This is why many only have Xbfs as friends, this is their only way to bond with any content of character... .sex. What else do they have, looks, until they get drunk and look like alcoholics, no real interests, a personality disorder. Maybe this is why they begin to hate, maybe this is why they know everyone will leave in the end.
Logged
Changingman
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
Posts: 644



« Reply #32 on: November 14, 2013, 01:51:11 AM »

Unknown to her, I began my exit and making plans to move her out the very second I found the first text to another man. Never slept in the same bed with her again. So the one I knew never had a chance to step all the way out on me. I kicked her to the curb so she robbed my home in retaliation. Even after that dirty bag act she tried a reconnect with me to no avail. I suppose she was used to sucker men who will repeat. I was not going to even discuss it. She was living with another man within a month, and not the one she was texting. To think that I loved her.

Yes ShadowDancer,

No returns, no refunds, no credit will be extended.

A friend (girl) finally told me what she thought of my X, and said if you get back together I'll regret saying this... .ha the idea of reconnecting with that abuser!

I've left that behind forever, no contact, no friendship... .just cleaning up some deep childhood sadness now.

Onwards, to the next episode!
Logged
damage control
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 475


« Reply #33 on: November 14, 2013, 02:02:04 AM »

I think that there is a difference between cheating and overlapping/having someone ready for an exit point and I think the latter is where BPD comes in.

I am no expert, but I know what I have just gone through is not at all normal - he knew he was panicking about him and me and within a week he had found someone online and the day he dumped me, went out on a first date with her. That is beyond cheating - the need (and ability) to replace somebody in that way is pathological. Cheating 'per se' ... that can and does happen with anybody.

In the case of my ex, things got too close/intimate, he panics and he goes and gets a brand new woman so that he can have distance again, and not feel threat of engulfment (and perhaps abandonment, I am not sure about that, but he is utterly terrified of 'losing himself' or having anybody 'own him' - as he puts it).
Logged
Changingman
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
Posts: 644



« Reply #34 on: November 14, 2013, 02:26:03 AM »

I'm still learning myself

But it always seems to be exactly what you'd never expect. The worst case scenario. It seems it's often right where the money is.

I've said this a hundred times, it's like they think

What's the worst thing/decision I could do/make

BOOM

That's what she does

Is this a boundaries issue, impulsive wrong doing... .what
Logged
RecycledNoMore
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 457



« Reply #35 on: November 14, 2013, 03:35:39 AM »

I cant even read this without grinding my teeth, I couldnt even read through the whole post, !%&$#@&$#&$##, ill try again some other time.
Logged
Jbt857
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 271


« Reply #36 on: November 15, 2013, 03:56:26 PM »

I cant even read this without grinding my teeth, I couldnt even read through the whole post, !%&$#@&$#&$##, ill try again some other time.

That made me laugh - I literally read this thread before I was going to bed last night and there was so much that resonated that my brain went !&£@/?%#*+$## too!

He told me he had been engaged and caught his fiancée sleeping with his best friend. A guy who he remains in touch with. I now question if that was true. At all.

He was also very clear from the outset that cheating was a no go. He used to love watching Cheaters and passing judgement on people. He was so much better than that. 

I caught him cheating online about 3 years into our marriage. That 'didn't count'. (And of course, that went on to be my fault for  neglecting him - I 'gave him no choice'.) Like a fool, I took him back.

The last year of our marriage, him picking fights for no reason and staying out all night, storming off after taking off his wedding ring and his screaming he was going to go and cheat on me became a pretty regular occurrence.

Suffice to say, when he left our marital home, it was to my replacement.  :'(

I am sure I only know half of what he did.

Suffice to say, I'm 9 months down the line and still unable to even contemplate being with someone else.

I don't know if the cheating is symptomatic of the disorder or not, but the post certainly summed to resonate with a lot of us.



Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!