Poll: For parents of adult children 25+ years old w/BPD/Traits

[lbjnltx]

Dear parent,

Sometimes it's hard to keep up with who is who on our boards. The names are familiar, but the details get hazy. It has been suggested that if we could find a way of briefly describing our concerns and present that information visually in some way, then it may give us a better perspective of who is who on our boards. This is a simple trial run to see if it works.

There have been recent posts regarding concerns with therapy and therapists, so we tailored our questions to that topic.

The information we gather here may then be of use to others. It may be appropriate for advocates of parents with children with BPD to use, it may be of interest to the therapeutic community to see some numbers. The data we gather may be limited, but it may have the potential to be a powerful source of information.

Finally any newbies to the site can come here to see a brief account of who we are and some issues surrounding our children. It would be comforting to know that there are others in a similar situation, instead of blindly jumping in the way we have all done.

Try to fill it out and let us know what you think.  Tic the box only if the answer is "yes".

Post any extenuating circumstances or additional information that you believe would be pertinent for interpreting the poll results.

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

4. Is your child in therapy?

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

I wish we had a maybe/not sure button too... .

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

Not for about two years now. Lots of casual, temporary and part time jobs, but nothing that fits her idea of herself since she resigned as an assistant manager in her graduate position for a financial institution.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

Since she has been n/c for most of this year when she fell in a heap, I can only say, maybe. I suspect she overdoes ecstacy type drugs at dances and raves. That has been her practice. She may also overdo MJ use from time time time.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

Depression and anxiety... .naturally. Otherwise, I don't think so. She thinks she has PTSD.

4. Is your child in therapy?

Again, I think so. But because of n/c I don't know. It seemed at one stage she was seeing her T fortnightly, which I didn't think would do the trick at all.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

After she started therapy, she began serious no contact. It seems T has encouraged her PTST dx. He supports her applicatio0n for a disability pension it seems. I believe all these things are most unhelpful to dd's recovery.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

Not to my knowledge - but I'd be the last to know. She rejects the suggestion that she's BPD she insteads wants to blame me and the alleged abuse she has suffered at my hands. Her T may have figured that she's BPD... .who knows?

all too sad,

Vivek  

[Esperança_Hope]

   Nice poll

Let´s share it

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

No. He's out of work since suffering an accident at oto three months ago. Previously, he worked vendnedo properties for family members. He studied hard and finished college long after 7 years! Always tried to work but fumbled the disease ever since. Misunderstandings, quarrels, problems with authority, groups.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s / he Otherwise engaged in at-risk behavior, such as drug / alcohol abuse?

DS31 always had problems with drugs. Since the age of 14. He was hospitalized. It was six years clean but relapsed in alcohol and marijuana. Already suffered several automobile accidents, motorcycle and always fight in the street. Like extreme sports: surf offshore, snowboarding down high hills.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

No. But I think addiction is a disease too.

4. Is your child in therapy?

Always has been. Since 12 years but remains a time, maximum one year and then abandons. Already passed by a 9 therapists, as I recall.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

I do not think so. He "is" in T but he is not for real

6. Has your child Been Diagnosed with BPD?

Yes After many years - something like a decade - fianmente, does the same psychiatrist since 2007 that the drug until

Thank you for the opportunity to make me recapitulate aspects of this long process of ups and downs, successes and failures ... .but of profound hope.


Love

Esperança

[where2turn]

1. she's high functioning and  usually keeps a full time job until she starts to argue with coworkers

2. not certain about this since there currently is NC

3. she has addictive tendencies and did self harm when younger

4. not certain if in therapy now due to Nc. she told me a few months ago therapist told her not to cotnact me because i was toxic. I don't understand because her therapists when she was younger never said this. I felt they wanted her to be accountable for her behavior. Now i don't know who she is seeing or what they are saying. therapist sounds really unrealistic.

not responding to therapy

diagnosed when younger and has all the classic symtoms

[peaceplease]

I did take the poll.  Now, I will answers here:  

!.  EMPLOYMENT -  I would not say gainfully employed.  She is living in subsidized housing, and is  a

single mom.  Currently, she is working as a waitress making $2.83 an hr. plus tips.  So, it hard to calculate what she actually makes.  She has been at this job for about 6 weeks.  She had a better work ethic when she was 18.  She has been fired usually for speaking her mind.(not in a respectful manner)  She has quit jobs and being yelled at was usually the reason.  At tax time, she will have at least 4 W2S .

2.  :)rug abuse.  Currently in methadone treatment.  Frequent pot smoker.  And, recently tested dirty for opiates at the clinic.  She missed the clinic two days and bought opiates because she was going through withdrawal.  And, she is a high risk taker.   She was warned that driving her car was dangerous as the undercarriage is ready to drop down.  No to mention that her license is suspended.  

3.  Has been diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder; Bi-Polar; and ADD.

4.  Not currently in therapy.  She goes sporadically.  She has an appointment to see a psychiatrist in January.  I think the reason for her appointment is to get on Adderall.  Was disappointed that last dr. would not prescribe it.  

 

5.  NA

6.  Never formally diagnosed.  However, my former T observed her in a group that she attended with me.  She has spoken with my dd, as my dd wanted to see her for therapy.  She was convinced of the BPD diagnosis.  It was never confirmed with any tests.  My former therapist tested her patients with MPII test.  My dd never made the initial appointment.  She was a no show for first appointment.  Re-scheduled and a no show again.  My dd decided that she did not want to see her, but did not give the courtesy of calling to cancel. 

[oglobaith]

My daughter (adopted) is 26yrs old.

She has never been in emploment longer than 6months and is not currently employed.

She quit her college course early.

She is not a substance abuser but engages in unsafe and casual sexual relations. She has been suicidal at times.

She has been diagnosed with depression on a number of occassions.

She has never been in therapy and refuses to recognise her problems, stating that I am the one with problems. Unfortunately in the context of a current court case in which we are applying for residence for her 6yr old daughter (who has lived with us for 2yrs and wants to remain with us) a psychologist has stated her opinion is that she has no mental health issues. I was amazed and outraged that she accepted what our dd said without verification.

She has never been diagnosed but we have no doubts as to her condition. As with others, she has never offered herself for diagnosis and has moved location many times thus confusing the picture medically.

[qcarolr]

My DD26 is currently starting a 45 day home detention with 24-48 months of alcohol/pot/drug monitoring, drug/alcohol classes (47 $25 each), plus CBT ordered by the court. It has been 3 days and we had the police here today to get her to settle after we refused to drive her for pot (she has medical mj license, but not allowed under probation. She has been daily user for at least 2 years I believe, maybe longer). The other option is ONE YEAR in jail. For targeted DWAI that she took to trial and lost. She does not accept that she is guilty - this makes it so very hard. And I saw today that there is a very real suicide risk if she fails this probation. But we will stick to the follow the rules value and see how it goes. I so hate this silent treatment, but it is better than the yelling. All I can do is pray. So now to the poll - thanks for allowing this little vent.

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

DD has never been able to hold a job - she has moderate to severe non-verbal learning disablity that is complicated by the mental health stuff. Can't process visual/spatial info very well, or very fast. Like cannot read map, calendar, analog clock, unable to do even arithmetic even at the 2nd grade level her daughter is doing this year. Was passed on year after year failing school - did not graduate high-school.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

She has had many r/s with guys, though seems monogomous and asks this of her current bf. She uses lots of pot, some alcohol, and shares in whatever her friends are using though does not seem to get addicted -- got herself off cocaine after 9 months of daily use!

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

Depression, anxiety and panic disorder -- these are helped by meds when she takes them. Hard to know the real effect due to the other street drugs. The panic is in full swing today without her pot. I am so sad for her, yet cannot rescue her. Only try to provide safe container for her and my loving presence in the same house. She has lost parental responsibility for both her kids due to neglect - gd7 is in custody of myself and dh since a baby; gs5 was adopted by his foster parents after a year of visits, etc.  She still has times she believes she was and can be 'the parent'.

4. Is your child in therapy?

She did therepy starting at age 5 when I was dx bipolar and hospitalized for 2 weeks suicidal. What harm this did to her I can never know? She was hospitalized for violent behaviors at age 6, dx ADHD and bipolar. She accepts her depression and axiety/panic disorders only. She signed herself out at age 16, though she NEVER BELEIVED SHE NEEDED THEREPAY. She went after age 16 only because it was for someone else's benefit, as her problems were always someone else's fault. Even court ordered T has had little effect in past - if she chose to go. So good at getting T to believe we were such bad parents - I always leave a message with my side of the story even though the T cannot reply due to confidentiality. Don't know how this will work with CBT ordered. I wrote a letter to court with some of her background and they have the testing done at age 23 with the BPD and NLD (learning disabilty) dx's.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?  Not yet.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD? Yes at age 23 with thorough court ordered psychological and neuropsychological testing in her son's custody case. She was to be excluded from the household as they planned to return child to dad's home until he was deported after arrest with fight with DD. He finally was released for adoption 3 months after that.

This is longer than most but it is a long story.

qcr

[qcarolr]

My DD26 is currently starting a 45 day home detention with 24-48 months of alcohol/pot/drug monitoring, drug/alcohol classes (47 $25 each), plus CBT ordered by the court. It has been 3 days and we had the police here today to get her to settle after we refused to drive her for pot (she has medical mj license, but not allowed under probation. She has been daily user for at least 2 years I believe, maybe longer). The other option is ONE YEAR in jail. For targeted DWAI that she took to trial and lost. She does not accept that she is guilty - this makes it so very hard. And I saw today that there is a very real suicide risk if she fails this probation. But we will stick to the follow the rules value and see how it goes. I so hate this silent treatment, but it is better than the yelling. All I can do is pray. So now to the poll - thanks for allowing this little vent.

Quick note to say things have settled into a routine with DD now that she is registered with the couseling center and the T may be acceptable to D. She had her first sustance abuse class, and is set up for her EtG & drig testing and the price is very manageable. They are accepting her adult medicaid to pay for all the classes. Bf has been here for a couple days at a time - and was very direct with us about needing time away and to not take it personally - he appreciates our allowing him to be in our family when he is able! As I am able to be calm, focused, centered my family is better too. Validating myself first - that is my KEY after letting God hold my worries.

qcr

[lbjnltx]

It has been awhile since this poll was active.

For those of you who have already participated how does going back and seeing your posts feel now?  Let us know here: How Far Have You Come?

If you have yet to participate in the poll please do and post your thoughts.

lbj

[madmom]

1.  Is child gainfully employed?  Yes, she is employed and has held her current job for one year now.  She lives in an apt. of her own and is able to pay most of her own bills.  She doesn't have any benefits with this position, but for now I am happy with it because she has been in and out (fired) of a number of jobs through the last few years and finally seems to have settled down and is doing well.  (This has and still continues to require a lot of support from her dad and I and to her credit she has been following our boundaries really well the last several months)

2. Does your child self harm... .  No,  although she has never been a cutter, she has abused alcohol, sex, money, food etc. regularly but doesn't seem to be doing this at this time

3. Other mental health problems... .depression, hypo-bipolar

4. Therapy... .No, not now, although I pray that she will go back to it

5.  Positively to therapy---we have mixed results from the past and I think that is why she won't make the effort to go

6. Diagnosed?   Yes, for several years now.  She is 26.