my sence of humor at the moment

[mccarthyhome3]

My sence of humor is a little morbid at the moment... i think its cuz if I don't laugh I'll cry, which I do all the time and i'm sick of it!this is gonna sound awful and i'm not laughing at anyone or their situations cuz mines pretty bad but theres one weird that always gets me laughing when I read posts and that's the word"AGAIN"... .their behaviors are so circular that everything they do happens again and again... .ican't believe that i'm shocked at all that he split me AGAIN... .Sorry, its just almost comical at this point

     Can anyone else laugh at this point or do u try to find the humor in it (i can't do this everyday but certain days I just have to!)

[gina louise]

mccarthyhome3

I can relate. yes. sometimes you have to laugh or you will feel like you'll cry forever.

So... .

Do you ever just want to get a gallon of black paint, a few brushes-hand them over- put on your safety goggles and say "have at it"?

Have ever just wanted to LET them keep that little black book on speed dial?

Do you ever just wish you lived three houses down so when the $h"t hits the fan you can just walk HOME? (Alone!)

Have you ever been tempted to buy them a printed tee shirt that says PD, glows in the dark... .and you KNOW it's doesn't stand for Police Department?

that's where MY mind goes... .and I love my H.

GL

[4now]

Yes, I laugh at things that other people would find horrific.  I was telling a friend about my h and how his recent night at the hotel hadn't posted to our account yet, but how he'd given me all the details from the receipt on a phone call, and I said, unless he was reading from another receipt from a hotel, which I actually found funny. Who would find it funny that their h had gone to the hotel?  By the way, the transaction did post to the account finally, which was a relief, otherwise I would have no idea where he spent the night.

I also had another friend tell me once, don't you wish he'd go make someone else miserable? That one still makes me laugh.  I guess it is all morbid and sad that we have become so accustomed to it all.  Of course, it is survival.  It is this or we would fall completely apart.  But it is a testimony to how much we endure and just what it has done to us as people.

What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger, right?

[gina louise]

4now ,

made me laugh too!   

I once told my husband,  Your dad worked so hard to make everyone else miserable because HE didn't want to suffer alone!

And it was so true. his dad was a raging alcoholic bully til the bitter end.

My HUSBAND is clean and sober for decades so he doesn't have booze as an excuse like his dad did. but his behavior is exactly the same when he's off the deep end.

it's sad.

but it's possible to detach, and still love the person while acknowledging that their behavior is totally wonky.

here's to 2013.     

GL

[waverider]

I remember coming home once and she had been self harming by cutting with a razor, and had scrawled hate notes in her blood on every mirror in the house. Couldn't help but feel like it was a cover for a Black Sabbeth album. Everytime it happened since then I always said "Look out Ozzies about !" AGAIN

Thought it was funny telling the tale but friends are horrified.

Luckily that particular activity seems to be behind us.

[4now]

I thought of one more, you know how the world was just supposed to end, right?  Mayan prophecy and all.  A friend and I were texting a few days before and the day of.  She was telling me when it was supposed to happen and all.  Neither of us were taking it seriously, but the day of she texted.  I said, so well, did the world end?  She said, yes, at such and such in the morning, I guess you missed it. I said, well darn I miss all the good stuff. 

This was before Christmas day, which just made everything worse.  It's not that I am suicidal, but was totally resigned and okay to the world ending (even though I didn't believe it would).  It just seemed easier that way.

The worst part is how calloused it all makes a person.  And to think what it might be doing to the children involved.  That is what makes me shudder.

[mccarthyhome3]

Unfortunately these things are making me feel better cuz I know i'm not alone... .  that's awful!

Gina... imay just have to make one of those shirts lmao... .  

  I was looking back last night and at all the reason he has sited for ending our relationship... .  here's a few... .  

He kicked my out once cuz he couldn't be with me cuz I liked Lenny Kravitz song"American woman", he said "idt we should be together cuz we don't even like the same music" 3 days later I was gone... .  

   Another time it was cuz I was clumsy and had dirty feet(i walk outside bare foot)... .  i think he actually used this one twice

    This was all devastating at the time,i knew nothing about BPD,when I tell people they look at me like i'm crazy cuz i'm usually laughing so hard i'm crying

... .  one of the newest, besides the fact that he can't be with me cuz of our daughter... .  is... .  "its all material things... .  i just need a change(with a stupid smile on his face, arms open wide looking at the ceiling)"... .  apparently i'm not making enough money for him at the moment... .  this guys driving me nuts... .  the crazy ex wife can have him... .  that's only until he splits me back and is mirroring me (Which is the only time I like him... .  who's the crazy one here!)

[mccarthyhome3]

OMG waverider... .  i hope she doesn't do that again... .  ... .  i'm sorry... that sounds horrible... .  mine does EVERYTHING a good (when I say good I mean bad ) BPD should do except cut, thank god, cuz for one thing i know who would be cleaning the friggin mess... .  

[waverider]

for one thing i know who would be cleaning the friggin mess... .  

Writing stayed on the mirrors for a whole week before that point sank home

[mccarthyhome3]

... .  just so u know... .  I SHOULD NOT FIND THAT FUNNY!       

[Washisheart]

I think the diagnosis is too new for me. Nothing is funny yet. I won't lie & say this breakup wasn't easier than the other two. It was, because we weren't back together long enough for me to trust him yet.

I dont know if I could callous my heart enough to make this behavior funny. I dont know if I want to. And it seems so unfair that a nonBP has either two options, you harden your heart & live with it or you permanently detach yourself from the one who has your heart. And if you choose #1, you will be faced with having to make this decision over & over again as each episode progresses. My friend witha normal man tells me it's easy, you make a list of rights & wrongs/ goods & bads and you see which one outweighs the other... .  but I can't do that. I have suppressed most of the horrible things he has said & if I bring them all to the surface at once, I dont think I could handle it.

so instead I act like my crazy exbf had no lasting impact on me & like I am doing fine. Most the time I feel ok (this time around) but nights are still hard. I still haven't begged God to bring him back because I know he is great to me at first but sooner or later he will do this again.

[mccarthyhome3]

Washisheart... .  none of its funny... .  but again if I don't laugh at some of the BS... i will go crazy... .  for instance like your friend said... .  make a list of good and bad and then weigh the differences... u can't really do that with aBPD,ur list is gonna be 47 bad and 2 good... .  i will look at that list and cry but at some point I have to find the humor in it... .  not cuz I think its funny but because in cynical and am sick of crying... .  this sucks all the way around... u are the only one who can change it:)

[Washisheart]

Isn't that the good ole saying, "i laugh to keep from crying" or laugh now, cry later.

[waverider]

I think the diagnosis is too new for me. Nothing is funny yet. I won't lie & say this breakup wasn't easier than the other two. It was, because we weren't back together long enough for me to trust him yet.

I dont know if I could callous my heart enough to make this behavior funny. I dont know if I want to. And it seems so unfair that a nonBP has either two options, you harden your heart & live with it or you permanently detach yourself from the one who has your heart. And if you choose #1, you will be faced with having to make this decision over & over again as each episode progresses. My friend witha normal man tells me it's easy, you make a list of rights & wrongs/ goods & bads and you see which one outweighs the other... .  but I can't do that. I have suppressed most of the horrible things he has said & if I bring them all to the surface at once, I dont think I could handle it.

so instead I act like my crazy exbf had no lasting impact on me & like I am doing fine. Most the time I feel ok (this time around) but nights are still hard. I still haven't begged God to bring him back because I know he is great to me at first but sooner or later he will do this again.

When it is an ex you have the choice to block it as they are not there. When you are still there and it is current and ongoing you need a relief to allow the frustration to dissipate before it turns into resentment. Resentment while still in a RS will impair your ability to be subjective about anything. So you have to find a way to defuse things and let them wash. No matter how perverse that may seem at times.

[gina louise]

waverider,

you could tell her... .  uh, they make LIPSTICK that does the same thing on the mirrors.

Honestly... .  I am so sorry that happened. for both of you.

how awful their mental state MUST be that physical pain improves it.

I see my H's state worsening... .  and I know I should let him make his catastrophic decisions, and leave him be.

God, but it's So hard. I don't resent him. I feel badly that his torment inside is beyond ANY twinge of heartache I feel.


mccarthyhome3,

the money and making "enough" is an issue for MY HUSBAND as well. when he works he's got a six figure income. when he's not, it's zero. I am retired and on a tiny pension, less than 600 bucks.  He WANTS my money to be his too! weird. I never got that. Let me have my tiny bit of money! I never asked him for a DOLLAR. EVER.

And he still wants my money!

Side note:

I watched Daniel Tosh do standup on Netflix last night. ALL warped and SO FUNNY.

Check him out.

GL