Alternate realities...

[TheRealSully]

My wife is so far gone, she can't even remember things from one email to the next.  

When she gets into episodes, she gets so damn psychotic, it's hard to even know what she's talking about.  

She suddenly became "spiritual", can't remember where we are supposed to meet up for her divorce document signing, or anything.  

She is so lost, it's downright dangerous.  

Do any of you have experience with alternate realities, semi-psychosis (I know there is a real name for it, I just can't remember what it was called) and general just odd behavior?

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[NikiTea]

My BP sister will occasionally say she "dissociates", especially when she is driving or nervous. I'm pretty sure everyone dissociates to some level when they drive, and its a very normal thing ... .  but she tends to be hyper-aware of this. She's also expressed not feeling like herself, which might be a mild, lesser-form of what your wife experiences.

This sounds awful, but when I read your mention of divorce - I felt a huge sense of relief for you. There are no easy answers to dealing with BP (I've just discovered what my sister has is a real thing a couple months ago).

[TheRealSully]

Thanks, Niki. 

Yeah, mine goes way WAY off the deep end when things really kick in hard for her.  She's just angry and adrift in life, destroying everything she and I have worked for (financially and emotionally).

She exhibits every single symptom of BPD, except the anger attacks.  She is having a lot of them directed at me (over email), but the big ones have gone down a bit from Zoloft.

So she is so bad, she has me pick a meeting spot, then rails against the spot and will only meet at Panera or FedEx.  We have to go through serious financial matters.  I will not do that in front of a crowd. 

So, as of the moment, I may have to cancel our meeting, which is scheduled for a table in a nice garden at a hotel in Fort Lauderdale off Las Olas.  Just a calm place to talk about finances and see if she'll write a list of why she's so angry. 

I am starting to wonder if she's even worth it, based on all of the stress she is giving me picking out a place to meet. 

I mean last time she has a huge episode, she couldn't even leave the house to go grocery shopping.  That's when I got her help and the diagnosed PTSD and put her on Zoloft. 

Too bad they didn't look more carefully and find the splitting and stuff.  She is BPD through and through.

[diega]

 based on all of the stress she is giving me picking out a place to meet. 

I mean last time she has a huge episode, she couldn't even leave the house to go grocery shopping.  That's when I got her help and the diagnosed PTSD and put her on Zoloft. 

Too bad they didn't look more carefully and find the splitting and stuff.  She is BPD through and through. [/quote]
yeah, i was glad to hear you are getting divorced too. yes, I have seen my mother go into those different realities. I think she goes into dissassociative states. So you are not alone on that one.

No disrespect intended, but I don't see the point of having her write down why she is angry. It seems like you think if you knew 'what' made her angry, you could fix it.  I soo understand that and do things like that. But really... she gets angry due to her BPD. its nothing you can fix or change. I would leave that to therapists.

i am just glad you won't have to live with this and can get on with your life as you deserve.

[NikiTea]

I just thought of one incident where my sister went into a very different "out-of-it" state.

She had just been fired from an internship, 3 hours from home and had been living with other interns on the beach. She was fired due to health issues that caused her to call the ambulance twice. On both accounts she was probably suffering a panic attack and might have been slightly dehydrated and purposely not eating that much. She couldn't do the job so she found a way to escape that was acceptable to her - blaming it on new health issues ... like light sensitivity and dizziness! 

Anyway, after she was fired, my mother and I drove down to pick her up. She was in a parking lot in a car, but couldn't drive herself home. She was nearly mute and looked like she was in a daze. Like a person who had been heavily drugged, only she wasn't (and would never do recreational drugs). I don't know if she was acting or just felt so lost, out-of-control, and out of her mind. Interesting though, a couple days before we picked her up she had been off work and driving to beaches and buying a wet-suit. So health reasons were obviously NOT the main cause ... .  it was that black/white switch inside of her.

[TheRealSully]

Thank you all for the input and encouragement.

I had been off the board for a bit because my ex wife (we are divorced already... .  she really worked fast on that one) was taking up a lot of my time for a while.  Then, I had to land on my feet after this mess.

Now that I have landed and the ex wife is gone (hopelessly adrift, getting new tattoos, doing drugs and hanging out with some really sketchy people she just met that are her brand new "friends", I have time to come back and post. 

The ex used to be against tattoos, non-drug user, non-drinker and even non-cookie eater, to stay in shape.  We were ultra health nuts.  She did the exact opposite of everything she stood for. 

Anyway, she's gone.  I'm finding a different adventurous soul who wants to join me traveling around the world on the catamaran I will still finish up. 

It has been VERY refreshing to get out there and meet women (younger, more attractive ones) that are sane and are interested in traveling the world.  Now, I know that sounds a little shallow, but my wife was one of the most attractive women you'd ever meet.  It's good for the ego after a divorce to know you "still got it" and can hold your own out there.   

No offense intended.