Legal Separation and Wages

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My BPD/High Conflict h and I live in Indiana which is an equitable distribution state. Theorietically that means everthing goes into the "Pot" Indiana is one of five states that is called the divorce kitchen sink/everything of the marriage, before the marriage regardless of gift or inheritance and everything in the marriage and during the divorce of the marriage until the final settlement and or hearing goes in the kitchen sink.

That being said I may have a conflict:

1. This past year, I filed for Legal Sep and then decided to not go through the whole process, i.e. separation orders, wage distribution, insurance etc since we decided to reconcile and was living in the same home and paying bills out of the family joint account.

2. My attorney suggested to just put the Legal Sep on "inactive status" since I did not know if my h would do a runner with our cash account that he had access to. this was a signifigant amount of money and he is a dual citizen of another country so it sounded OK with me just in case.

3. The h, who had not worked but three months in one and one half years landed a job in Alaska for bookoo bucks. He came back and told me that he did not wish to put this money into the family account. (He got fired from that job in 90 days and started a lawsuit for national origin discrimination which went no where).

4. Hence, the final straw that made me leave. I had paid all his bills while he was in AK, depleting the family joint account, whereas he secreted roughly $100,000 after taxes in an account that he would not tell me where it was. Well, since I do all the finance and investing in our household it was not hard to find out where he stashed the money.

5. Now, while he was in AK making this money and me paying his bills, me still in the family home, he setting up checking with the address of our family home on this $100,000 this Legal Sep Order is still sitting in the sidelines.

6. So the question becomes: will the Legal Sep have any bearing on how the pie is cut considering this is a "kitchen sink" divorce state or will the actions of the h and I, bills paid, living in the same house, acting as husband and wife for all intents and purposes affect the cutting of the pie. I dismissed the Legal Sep in Nov 2012 and left the home at the end of that month.

6. If we take the $100,000 out of the equation then the h is up $100,000 because we are both even with each other as to what we brought to the marriage. Indiana likes to see things split 50/50 unless one can argue that one party will leave the marriage in an unfairly" drawn asset mix...

the soon to be x has sworn he will take me to the supreme court over this. My attorney (new one -since the old one should never had convinced me to keep the Legal Sep in place if he was making money)  told me that since he will not negotiate then we will ask for the sun, moon and stars and then when he thinks that I have suffered enough (question being-how much is enough) then we will ask for what we wanted in the first place... .  a fifty fifty split, but a lump sum payment of additional %10 so I can go back to school to be able to get a job.

No kids, no debt, no house... .  all are liquid assets.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Mink

[minkmink]

My BPD/High Conflict h and I live in Indiana which is an equitable distribution state. Theorietically that means everthing goes into the "Pot" Indiana is one of five states that is called the divorce kitchen sink/everything of the marriage, before the marriage regardless of gift or inheritance and everything in the marriage and during the divorce of the marriage until the final settlement and or hearing goes in the kitchen sink.

That being said I may have a conflict:

1. This past year, I filed for Legal Sep and then decided to not go through the whole process, i.e. separation orders, wage distribution, insurance etc since we decided to reconcile and was living in the same home and paying bills out of the family joint account.

2. My attorney suggested to just put the Legal Sep on "inactive status" since I did not know if my h would do a runner with our cash account that he had access to. this was a signifigant amount of money and he is a dual citizen of another country so it sounded OK with me just in case.

3. The h, who had not worked but three months in one and one half years landed a job in Alaska for bookoo bucks. He came back and told me that he did not wish to put this money into the family account. (He got fired from that job in 90 days and started a lawsuit for national origin discrimination which went no where).

4. Hence, the final straw that made me leave. I had paid all his bills while he was in AK, depleting the family joint account, whereas he secreted roughly $100,000 after taxes in an account that he would not tell me where it was. Well, since I do all the finance and investing in our household it was not hard to find out where he stashed the money.

5. Now, while he was in AK making this money and me paying his bills, me still in the family home, he setting up checking with the address of our family home on this $100,000 this Legal Sep Order is still sitting in the sidelines.

6. So the question becomes: will the Legal Sep have any bearing on how the pie is cut considering this is a "kitchen sink" divorce state or will the actions of the h and I, bills paid, living in the same house, acting as husband and wife for all intents and purposes affect the cutting of the pie. I dismissed the Legal Sep in Nov 2012 and left the home at the end of that month.

6. If we take the $100,000 out of the equation then the h is up $100,000 because we are both even with each other as to what we brought to the marriage. Indiana likes to see things split 50/50 unless one can argue that one party will leave the marriage in an unfairly" drawn asset mix...

the soon to be x has sworn he will take me to the supreme court over this. My attorney (new one -since the old one should never had convinced me to keep the Legal Sep in place if he was making money)  told me that since he will not negotiate then we will ask for the sun, moon and stars and then when he thinks that I have suffered enough (question being-how much is enough) then we will ask for what we wanted in the first place... .  a fifty fifty split, but a lump sum payment of additional %10 so I can go back to school to be able to get a job.

No kids, no debt, no house... .  all are liquid assets.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Mink

[Exonerated]

Does he know you found the $100k? If not, he might try to hide it in discovery. If he does this you would have to produce proof he has the account and is hiding it. Such a fraud wouldn't go well for him.

Cheers,

[minkmink]

Yes he does, I have the original account set up and documentation showing where the money was automatically sent to the account.

Mink

[ForeverDad]

It's good that you have the documentation of the money arrangements.  In a worst case scenario and he refuses to provide information about those funds, you or your lawyer should be able to subpoena that information from his bank based on the pending divorce case.  Let's hope he didn't move it yet again to other accounts or you may need a forensic account (Special Master) to track it down.  Or the court may be satisfied that at one point the money did exist and not worry about what he did with it later.  If he's blown it or succeeds in hiding where it's gone, your fair portion may be getting higher percentages from the other marital assets.  What you don't want is him obligated to pay you money without any leverage to get compliance.  Your leverage is the assets that you do have some control over.  For example, before paying him his 50% from home equity or similar assets, you have to make sure he pays off the inaccessible funds first or at the same time.  That's where escrow comes in.  Any money he is supposed to receive must be held in escrow until he comes forward with the funds he is supposed to give to you.  Once you give him whatever he is owed, then your leverage to get compliance is gone.

You have an attorney, isn't he or she able to answer your question about how the Legal Sep paperwork might affect that money?  Or perhaps a qualified accountant may have the answer that applies in your state or jurisdiction?  If it comes down to a ruling by the family court judge, is there clear legal precedent for the judge to follow or could the judge rule either way based on authority to use flexible 'judicial discretion'?

[minkmink]

I filed in a small town where the courts can do anything they darn well please.

Either way, I have proof the money did exist. Just a month ago so it is not like I have to go back 5 years to find money that should have been there. One good point in this circus is that I already had married the man before and although I believed that he had changed (I finally learned) I kept my finger on every dime that came into that house and left it.

Tooting my own horn, with my abilities in the stock market and to live frugally and save save save, even with the unemployment and costs of his  eye care we were able to amass some money. sorry to say we would have been able to amass more if he was even half able to take care of himself in the job market. I could not do the job for him.That is one thing he HAD to do on his own. But could not.

Well, enough of the pity party. On Friday, which is the anniverary date of our first marriage I go pay the lawyer and sign the contract for services. I did not conciously pick this date. I keep saying I do not want this divorce but this divorce wants me. So much has falen into place it is almost eirie.

My plan: two settlement conferences and if we cannot come to an agreement we go straight to the judge for a hearing. Remember, we are just splitting easy to split assets. No kids, no debt, no house, no pension. In Indiana there is no long drawn out trial. Just the judge, no jury.

I have been tol be him that if I leave all goes to him. I will not walk away from what  I worked for. Obviously I must conisider the cost benefit of attorney fees.

Mink