Fighting the urge to rescue in an emergency...

[Changed4safety]

My exBPD called in tears, his roommate it turns out has been hiding the rent situation from him and he is in trouble.  (He lives in another state.) The sheriff is coming tomorrow at 9:00 to evict them unless they come up with $2,200 in certified funds by then.  He just found out tonight, he cannot pack in time... .  it's bad.  He is talking with his brother trying to get financial help. 

If I were not in scary straits myself (I am freelancer and all my projects are on hold--what I have is all I have until the situation changes, and no clue when that will be) I know I would have offered to pay. 

I am SO proud of my exBPDbf, he did not ask.  I did not offer.  His brother called while I was talking with him, I expected him to call back but instead I got a text:  "Trying to sort things out.  Going back and forth between calm and hysterics.  Will keep you updated best I can.  Love you."

I did check to see if Western Union could get the money in time... .  it can.  I do have it in my account, but like I said, I don't knwo when I'm giong to get paid myself.  Could be in a month, could be in six... .  and by then I would need to get another job myself."

I feel so bad for him--he was doing very well, getting his feet beneath him.  He is terrified of police coming to his house (he got hauled off by police for 3 days observation in a psych ward when his then-girlfriend levied false charges that were later thrown out).  He only really started to believe he could make it on his own. And now this. 

I don't wnat to snatch away his victory--there was a time he could never be that strong when something like this happens.  I told him I loved him too (I do, and we'd said this before, the breakup is new), that I really did wnat to be kept informed, and that I would have the phone near me all night (no abandonment issues.) 

Breathing deep, sending love and energy and prayers and good thoughts. 

[Justadude]

If you rescue this guy, do you really think its going to improve your situation? If you do "help" him and his potentially bogus story to extract that money from you realize you'd be better off donating that cash to something more valuable to society like a food bank so when he is homeless he can get food or something. I'm just saying he needs to be an adult and figure out his own issues.

Don't feel obligated.

Don't feel guilty.

Don't be afraid to say no. It's not going to make him love you anyway.

[Changed4safety]

No, it wouldn't help things, but I don't think I could bear to see him out on the street.  I needed to let this play out, and it has.  Turns out the person I thought was his brother is his (male) boss (who is gay, and with whom my exBPDbf has explored his bisexuality) is coughing up $1,600 and exBPD and roomie have scrambled for the rest.  Only problem is if the sheriff gets there before they get back from the bank. 

I think he may have found my replacement--this could have all kinds of bad consequences for him, but none of my business.

I'm glad I stayed strong!  Felt good to be able to "help" by just listening and not trying to solve the problem, and let him, as you say, figure out his own issues.

I'm exhausted.  LOL! 

[letmeout]

Getting caught up in the drama of it all... .  It is so addicting, but hey, I'm getting use to the peace and quiet without chaos, and I'm starting to like it a lot!

[Changed4safety]

Remembering so many times stuff like this happened... .  glad it is no longer my responsibility... .  not that it ever was.  Phewf!

[Changed4safety]

It went fine.  He now has 27 days to figure out what to do and where to go.  Someone else got him money, not me, someone else has to deal with moving him and the trauma surrounding it, not me. 

Noticed that it hurt when he gushed about his friend/bf and was "so glad he is in my life."  I spent a LOT more than a $1,600 LOAN on him, and all I got was disrespect and a demand for more money while he sat on his butt playing videogames.  I got over the hurt quickly; that adoration comes with a hefty price tag. 

In the end, I was glad I was there as someone to sit and listen and be supportive that way.  I still love him, and I was glad to do that.  I'm even more glad he didn't ask for money and I didn't offer, and that I am 1,000 miles away so he cannot "move in with me for a while" while he looks for a new place. 

None of my concern, and that is good.  I like this place!