NC or LC?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I  am in the early stages of separation and divorce and my uBPD/NPDh is getting angry.  Furiously so.

He has taken to lashing out at me via text when he receives anything from my  lawyer. She asks me to relate the texts to her or forward the "attacking " e-mails he sends.

He's refusing to negotiate, compromise or settle. He's very angry and out of control-if the texts are any indication.(he's so mad he will text Leave me alone and then keep texting with all sorts of Projection, Attacks, Blame... .  )

Going to court will adversely affect him more than myself-as he sold his house barely 2 weeks after filing the divorce papers-and that was a direct violation. Makes him and his lawyer look bad. Now he also has a six figure chunk of capital gain that he must account for, plus a pay raise.

My lawyer hasn't suggested anything as far as LC or NC. I have just sent her more $ to cover court costs.(which she is asking him to cover as I am not working-applying daily, just no luck)

What is the usual advice? He was civil until the past 2 days when he didn't get "his way". We've exchanged text and mail about things like car Ins. Taxes, and other "business" type matters.

But now he is emotionally acting out.

thanks,

GL

[gina louise]

I  am in the early stages of separation and divorce and my uBPD/NPDh is getting angry.  Furiously so.

He has taken to lashing out at me via text when he receives anything from my  lawyer. She asks me to relate the texts to her or forward the "attacking " e-mails he sends.

He's refusing to negotiate, compromise or settle. He's very angry and out of control-if the texts are any indication.(he's so mad he will text Leave me alone and then keep texting with all sorts of Projection, Attacks, Blame... .  )

Going to court will adversely affect him more than myself-as he sold his house barely 2 weeks after filing the divorce papers-and that was a direct violation. Makes him and his lawyer look bad. Now he also has a six figure chunk of capital gain that he must account for, plus a pay raise.

My lawyer hasn't suggested anything as far as LC or NC. I have just sent her more $ to cover court costs.(which she is asking him to cover as I am not working-applying daily, just no luck)

What is the usual advice? He was civil until the past 2 days when he didn't get "his way". We've exchanged text and mail about things like car Ins. Taxes, and other "business" type matters.

But now he is emotionally acting out.

thanks,

GL

[Matt]

Why do you want to keep talking to him?

Any kids?

[gina louise]

we were up til now having civil exchanges about filing taxes, car ins. medical benefits... .  stuff the lawyer wasn't handling. She(my L) told me what to tell him regarding those matters. He's not dx with any PD... .  but I suspect he's BPD with strong NPD traits.

I wasn't "talking" other than the necessary info that my lawyer told me to contact him about( filing taxes, car Ins, his medical benefits)

he's the one that began the angry texting when my lawyer sent him the most recent offer. he must have gotten it via e-mail at work-then lashed out at me.

[gina louise]

no kids.

but I want to stress that he's the one texting and then saying in the middle of his tantrum "leave me alone" but he's also the one continuing to text! I am not even responding adequately!. he's just firing of 8 lines of text rapid fire. and then 6-8 more... .  no kidding. in 98 texts I had 4. he sent 94. in under 30 minutes.

I asked ?What? and then said My lawyer sent the letter. and then said you seem very upset right now... .  and my last one said OK. His 90 texts were abusive and attacking and really angry-as he's not getting me to agree to his low ball offer. My lawyer said it would be foolish. My lawyer didn't give me any suggestions-like block his number or anything.

I guess I am surprised as it's new behavior from him.

GL

[Matt]

Yeah, if you can block his number, do that.

E-mail only - no texts or phone calls or face-to-face.

Don't respond or he'll just send more.

Everything through the lawyers.  That's their job.

[gina louise]

Ok thanks.

I have to book Splitting-and he seems like the persuasive blamer that's portrayed.

He's hugely emotional over all of the details, doesn't seem to regard the facts.

He was the one who threw me out and filed for D. Even admits it. If anyone should be hurt and angry it would be me. I am really not. I accept that to have a healthy, happy life I need a healthy, stable partner. I'm OK letting go, at this point.

But it is what it is.

Seeing how he acted yesterday was a turning point of sorts for me. He'd behaved similarly in person during his rages, but I had never experienced rage-full texting.

GL