What to expect... when I talk to my wife.

[Mike76]

This weekend we meet with out marriage counselor again,  I have never had any hope for a good outcome for marriage counseling(in fact she bailed on the first counselor after just 2 sessions).   Part of the reason I pushed for the marriage counseling was to encourage, individual counseling for her.  My plan worked, I hoped for it this way because she needs some support system she really and no friends and hates her family.

My uBPDw really has no clue how close I am to leaving, nor I will probably asking for a divorce.  This weekend at the marriage counseling, I will probably\hope to will let her know how difficult it is going to be able to look past some of the comments\actions she has done to me and I am not sure I can look past them.  Good\or bad I was using marriage counseling as a escape goat for a safe place to be able to speak.   We still sleep in the same bed every night, and she is even talking about vacations we are going to take this summer. It hurts me to know I am leading her own, but I am lost because she should realize how messed up our marriage. We have not slept together in months, my choice I let her know no chance for babies until we fix our problems(being catholic there is no contraception).

I have a support system in place, and the only person she will be able to talk to is her individual counselor,(again she pushed all her friends away and hates her family). 

I am not sure what I am going to say, other than the fact I am not sure if I can ever look past the things she has said and did to me.  Main examples emotional\and the handful of physical abuse(with no regrets of it and being told it will happen again, and it has always been my fault).

This situations suck because I still feel I love her, and I do care for her well-being.  I did marry and I don't hate her, I just can not longer be married to her.

 

   

[Rose Tiger]

Hi Mike76,

Have you read this article?

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm

[FoolishOne]

Mike:

I think I see where this is heading... .  Only you know your heart, but deep down, you have to suspect that she's not going to suddenly see the light and want to affect change within herself.  It is so incredibly difficult for them to look in the mirror.  Unless you are one of the very small percentage of spouses that can pull it off, it is likely that you'll have had enough and part ways.  We all have our thresholds... .  mine has been breached... .  but you'll know when you've had enough... .  and when that great and terrible day occurs, we'll all be here to help you with the ride.

F1

[Jay08]

Has she been diagnosed BPD? And if so has she been treated? If you are unsure about leaving maybe see if she will attempt treatment, if not than the only option for your well being is to leave.