This ain't my first rodeo

[wb1233]

After finding out about BPD after a failed relationship with my uBPDexg, I realize that my uBPDexw wife of 12 years also had all of the traits of BPD including FOO issues. She put me through hell. What through me off(the bull) with my exGF was that she was a WAIF type and so different than my exW. Plus I didn't find out about BPD with my exGF until we got into the hater stage.

I determined to not repeat the pattern. I am preparing myself(through T) to enter the rodeo again at some but I'll leave the bulls to the clowns.

We will recover. I did from my 12 year marriage. Knowledge is power.

Anyone looking back only to realize that their pior r/s were also BPD related?

[struggli]

First gf had a dad who was always gone, a very controlling uncle who acted as a surrogate father (and later blew his brains out in his car), and a mom who had a sorority girl-type attitude.  She ended up leaving me for a friend when they went on a group trip together.  We were young -- high school -- so maybe it was just immaturity.  Years later, I mean 20 years have passed, she is now divorced, she still wants me to come see her, says we should have stayed together, etc.

2nd gf was very co-dependent.  I didn't treat her all that well because I knew she wouldn't leave.  To be honest I never wanted a relationship with her but she was so persistent I just went with it.  That's kind of f--ked up right?  I think it's the same dynamic that played out in my last relationship with possible BPD gf.  It was like reversed roles of this relationship.  Although I never did the idealizing/devaluing thing.  I pretty much kept my distance from day one.

3rd gf was dBPD and dOCD.  She was the I Hate You, Don't Leave Me type.  The splitting was always very brief, like a couple hours.  Even though she mostly stressed me out, I knew she wouldn't abandon me.  The sex was not mind-blowing.  In fact she had a lot of rules and wouldn't do things if she knew I liked them.

4th gf... .  Well, just read my posts.