Tired of it all

[ruby1766]

Hello

I am an adult daughter of a BPD and bipolar father. I started to go through the  workbook stop walking on egg shells last year when I found out that my dad had BPD. I am living with my parents right now because of situations in my life so I am subjected to my fathers tyraides day in and day out. I am just tired of all the crap he dishes out and making excuses for him. I am ready to start moving forward to get my own place to live and I am getting together outside supports from friends, family, and professionals. I am so relievied to have found this group and I cant wait to get started on my recover from being raised by a parent with BPD I know that my full recovery wont happen untill I am out of my parents house but I can still start.

Thank You for being here.

[GeekyGirl]

Hi ruby and welcome! 

It's understandable that you're ready to move out and on with your life--it sounds like you're under a lot of stress right now. It can be very difficult living with parents with BPD. It's great you're here.

What kinds of tools have you tried after reading the Stop Walking on Eggshells workbook? How has your father responded to your efforts?

You'll find here that many of us can relate to you. My mother has BPD and I remember how difficult it was living with her at times. There's support here, as well as some additional tools to help you communicate with your dad and reduce conflict with him. Hang in there!

-GG

[Clearmind]

  Goodness ruby – I do know what you are going through – I grew up with my father’s tirades.

Have you explored some ways to process the tirades/protect yourself in the meantime?

[Kwamina]

Hi Ruby!

Those BPD tirades are very difficult to handle so I understand why you're tired of it all. My uBPD mother did this a lot too and in the past I believed her harsh words and internalized her negativity. Now I realize that there wasn't anything wrong with me, but that there is something seriously wrong with her. This helps me not to take her attacks personally and maintain my mental and emotional balance. I hope you'll get your own place soon so you won't have to deal with this on a daily basis. Take care.

[ruby1766]

I have somethings that I have learned from the book stop walking on eggshells that are leave the room, leave the house and visit someone or do something, I have a difficult time if it is night time because I am leaglly blind and I cant drive at night and there are no buses at night where I live and a taxi takes a half hour to get here. I had to give up hunting and fishing that I did with my dad because all he would do was rag on how horrible the world is, how awfull my mom, and how horribly wronged he is by everyone. He also would get mad at me for not being perfect or doing it right and I had to do it his way or he gets mad all over about the mistakes I have made in the past that he says he will never forgive or forget. So I decided to stop subjecting myself to this and I have not found anyone who like to hunt and fish, not that I could get out of the house with my stuff to do either of them he would just get pissed off. He bought and had stuffed modified to fit me because I am really short but its registered in his name so I guess they really are not mine he will probably just sell them and he says he doesn't give conditional love or gifts with strings attatched.  My sister has nc with him and he would rather have it that way, he becomes enraged about her and will try to get you to feel guilty for even having a relationship with her. My mom is in such denial and wants to just survive just this night he go upset and was being a jerk so I went into my room and watched a movie and she went up stairs for a bit but in not too long she was back down stairs with him and comes in to my room and say he's settled down he had his temper tantrum and now he's okay like as if its no big deal and this has been happening for 35 years that is how long they have been married. I do need to try to not be alone with him because he acts a little better when my mom or with other people who are not family are around, he thinks since I am his child that I have to subject myself to his abuse because I am suppose to obey and last I checked I was 34. Well now that I went on and on,  I do need to get the book Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem and I am trying to do more with my friends, church, and sister. Do you have anything to add or resorces that I can look at.