Not upset tonight, hopeful for some reason... this can't end well

[mtmc01]

So, my cousin passed in a tragic motorcycle accident a little over a week ago. No, this is not why I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful in that this horrible tragedy in my family made me realize just how precious our life on this earth really is and how we have to take advantage of the time we have here. I said something along these lines in a text to my ex. She's been ignoring me, and I imagine she will continue to do so. But, it was a bit of an epiphany for me, as I realized silly ruled of "no contact" and "personality disorders" are no match for what is in my heart. So I spilled it out to her in that text. If she wants to continue to ignore everything, so be it. But, if whatever higher power there is takes me from this world anytime soon, at least wherever I am, I will know she knew that and that I loved her.

[Vindi]

sorry for your cousin, and the motorcycle accident, my condolences... .  

How long has it been since (prior to the recent text) that you have spoken with her?

Who decided on NC you or her?

At least you did get to say what you wanted, sounds like you do love her, did you want to get back with the relationship, or are you ready to let it end?

[mtmc01]

She decided NC. She left very abruptly after an argument over religion and appears to have painted me black as is often the case. I do not deny that I was not a good partner at all those last several weeks, but we had been through so much before that. It's been 6+ weeks since she left. I never wanted the relationship to end. I am not feeling the hope I was last night, and I think it was just one of those crazy 2 am moments. She has ignored it as expected, and once again I've laid my heart out on the table just to be left feeling ridiculous and alone.

[Vindi]

i feel your pain, but unfortuneatly no one can make her give into contact, she will do what she wants. Maybe just recycle with the next person or what not.

The hardest thing is trying to make some do something (have her acknowledge you)... .   and she may just not want to for whatever reason.

Can or are you ready to let go, even if you don't hear from her in a week or a month?

[mtmc01]

As I posted in a new thread, I can't let go. I love her far too much, and after everything we've been through and the connection we have, I just can't.