A Rally Cry for Recovering Daughters

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I have an uBPDm.  I really struggle with recovery.  When down, I question whether I am actually the person struggling with BPD instead of my mom.  My therapist assures me that my question commonly troubles adult children of BPD parents.

What is your experience?

P.S.  And dang blast it!  I am so tired of coping with tense, painful neck and shoulders.  You'd think with daily stretching it would start to ease up!  If I don't stretch, the discomfort intensifies.  If I do stretch, it minimally eases but never resolves.

[Diligence]

I have an uBPDm.  I really struggle with recovery.  When down, I question whether I am actually the person struggling with BPD instead of my mom.  My therapist assures me that my question commonly troubles adult children of BPD parents.

What is your experience?

P.S.  And dang blast it!  I am so tired of coping with tense, painful neck and shoulders.  You'd think with daily stretching it would start to ease up!  If I don't stretch, the discomfort intensifies.  If I do stretch, it minimally eases but never resolves.

[Whatwasthat]

For the tense neck - have you ever tried Restorative Yoga? It's very gentle - not like the very challenging stuff - but it's helped me iron out some of the tightness and imbalance in my spine.

WWT

[Mara2]

I am 49 and I still hear my mom in my head.  I did not know about BPD until about 2 years ago and then a light went on in my head.  I tried to talk to my younger sister about it, but she is painted white almost constantly and sees no problem.  There are 12 of us kids (7 adopted) and some see it and some don't.  Interesting for me.

When our mother tells us who we are and what we are like, we believe them.  So overcoming what we think deep down is the truth is really hard.  My mom would take a mistake I made and then tell me I was wrong (not the mistake), I had to be good or people would not like her, things like that.  So I believed it because I did make a mistake after all. 

Now I am working on being OK with my mistakes.  I am human, I will make mistakes, people will still like me.  That is what I tell myself.   

[Diligence]

Dear Whatwasthat? and Mara2,

It is good to hear from you!  I began my day rather late - too much Netflix last night - with a neck stretching session.  It feels remarkable to sustain the stretch long enough to feel  those pesky muscles relent (some of) their tension and relax. 

I have tried hot yoga which does relieve my muscle tension!  Drawback:  the hot (Bikram) yoga sessions are 90 minutes.  Additionally, it requires time for a shower afterward because I get soaking wet with sweat! 

I appreciate the suggestion for Restorative Yoga.  How long are the sessions?

When I am in a depression skid, it certainly does help to question the origins of my negative, critical thoughts.  Invariably my memory is drawn back to the parenting I received (and still am offered, even now, in my late forties).  Sadly, I internalized those thought patterns and self-administer them. 

I am just thinking that my cognitive and emotional recovery is like weeding my small patio garden.  Devoting time to uprooting those useless thoughts is nonnegotiable (if I want the garden of my brain to be a welcoming place for me). 

Thank you for your empathy and the time you took to respond!  Warm regards.

[Maryiscontrary]

According to Simon Cohen

"Empathy erosion can arise because of corrosive emotions, such as bitter resentment, or desire for revenge, or blind hatred, or a desire to protect"

Desire to protect... .  

[Diligence]

Dear Maryiscontrary,

According to Simon Cohen

"Empathy erosion can arise because of corrosive emotions, such as bitter resentment, or desire for revenge, or blind hatred, or a desire to protect"

Is this what I am hearing from your quote?  If we desire to protect, that very desire may erode empathy?

This puzzles me.  Would you continue with your thoughts, please?

Who is Simon Cohen?

Warm regards.