Just seen my ex

[jj2121]

I just drove past my ex and smiled to myself, she smiled back. I suddenly feel terrible again,I really hate all this.

[jj2121]

I suddenly have that horrible feeling stomach again,I don't know if I will ever get over this now. I was only with her for 4 months too.

[lockedout]

That's what's known as a "trigger". You'll come accross many of them and your feeling are natural. Part of the detaching is to learn that the triggers themselves aren't real. It will take time to recognize them for what they are; feel the emtions they bring out then let them go. You're doing just fine.

[laelle]

What lockedout said    They are "reactionary" responses and they get better over time.

[jj2121]

It's just hard,made we want to contact her again,she looked straight at me and smiled. I suddenly start thinking what is she gets help and settles with someone else. I am definitely not over her,like I thought I was, I am trying though.

[lockedout]

The feelings you have are what keep you from going back. Think of this scenario: breaking up was like breaking your arm. Constant pain. Then the arm goes in a case so it can heal properly. When properly set and undisturbed, it's fine. But if someone bumps against you, it causes agony - pain at the level of the original injury. But as it heals over time it still gets bumped occasionally, but hurts less each time because the wound is healing. Each time it's a reminder not to do whatever dumb thing you did to break your arm in the first place.

[jj2121]

Good point, she broke up with me, but still wanted me around for all her problems. I know it would never work if I got back with her. What made it harder was she gave me this whole story about her family problems and she was supposed to have moved to another town 2 months ago and I did not expect to see her.

[HarmKrakow]

Why did you drive pass your ex?

[jj2121]

She was walking down the road near where I live, I was just going home.

[HarmKrakow]

She was walking down the road near where I live, I was just going home.

You were going there because she was walking down the road where you live? Why dont you go through a different route?

[jj2121]

She was walking down the road near where I live, I was just going home.

You were going there because she was walking down the road where you live? Why dont you go through a different route?

Believe me it was not possible, you come over a blind hill and straight down the road, I could not even notice her until on the straight road. She would have been at her parents house,who stay in the same area as me.

[laelle]

Its ok to not be over her.  Its ok to hurt.  You know what she does to your life and that she is not good for it.  You have to do what is best for you to work on your happiness.  She is not the key to it, but a hindrance to it,  but its ok to be sad about it.  To fight feelings causes suffering.

Its not necessary to justify your actions to us, but if you are going home in a route with the hopes that you might see her, It will cause you to be sad and hurt.

[jj2121]

To be honest though,subconsciously I probably did want to see her.

[laelle]

I would say that is completely normal.  Its normal to miss people who are important in our lives.  Whether they deserve to be missed or not.  The focus here is not on her, but you. From what YOU say she doesnt bring you anything good.  To let her back in your life would not bring you anything good.  You and your feelings are more important than her and her feelings.  Listen to what your telling yourself.

[jj2121]

I am probably just feeling like everyone else missing the innocent sweet girl,who worshiped me,claiming her ex before me was violent. Suppose I need to realise the rest of her emotional issues are her too and I am not her father.  I already had my issues, that is what makes it worse.

[laelle]

As hard as you try, you cant fix or save her.  She has to do that herself.  You cant control another person, you can only control you and what you choose to do with your life. Spending all your time and energy on someone who will in the end spit in your face and leave seems a little self abusive.

You deserve better.  You have to learn to accept that you do, and take harmful things out of your life.  Looks can be deceiving.