Gospel... are the members really stating ALL the facts in their posts?

[Small Medium]

Don't we all have some personality issues unique to ourselves?  Can someone interpret them as a "disorder" because they are looking for fault?  :)o we see what we want to see?  Are we leaving out important details when describing our BPD (especially those who are admitted undiagnosed)?  Are we just looking for [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation[/b][/url] in our "unhappiness"?

[Clearmind]

Small Medium, I do understand what you are saying here - we can work with what we are given, and not control it. This is the same for our BPD/BPD traits loved ones. Our membership is unique - at least the ones on our healing board here - we have come from high conflict homes.

You are most likley correct - Many of our loved ones are likely to not be diagnosed BPD - that is true! They may have traits.

The semantics aside, I believe what is important are three things:

1. Understand our loved ones better and learn to accept them the way they are - without needing to change them

2. learn new ways to not contribute to the drama/conflict that does exist

3. Heal from our core trauma issues - its always encouraged that this should be the focus.

After all the objectives of the Healing Board are to:

1.   to work on healing from an abusive relationship using the Survivors Guide

2.   Emotionally detach and find inner peace

3.   identify and work through our own personality defects acquired when born into a BPD household.

Once we become more emotionally healthy we can see events a lot clearer. I see the Healing Board as a great place for members to be open about their own struggles without concentrating too much on the pile on of what my BPD did or didn’t do - this can be seen as seeking validation.

We cannot change our loved ones – we can change our perception and reaction to it.

Small Medium, what are your goals here at bpdfamily?

[Grey Kitty]

Small Medium, I just wanted to step in and say   and welcome... .   and offer you a couple answers to your questions.

Don't we all have personality issues? I will only speak for myself, and yes I've got a few 

We do not require people to be perfect, well-adjusted, or anything else in order to post here. I'm sure that people here made mistakes like you talk about. I'd also add that many of us here do suffer from codependency issues, and many are working on those the best they can.

I hope you are able to learn a few things and do some healing while you are here. I know I did.

[Beachbumforlife]

Don't we all have some personality issues unique to ourselves?  Can someone interpret them as a "disorder" because they are looking for fault?  :)o we see what we want to see?  Are we leaving out important details when describing our BPD (especially those who are admitted undiagnosed)?  Are we just looking for validation in our "unhappiness"?

Hi Small Medium.  I'm new here too.  I don't know who here is unhappy per se, or what their goals are.  But I don't think I'm an unhappy person in general. And my goal here is to work on myself.  Whatever issues my mother had in my childhood affected my personality now, and that is what I want to learn about.  Hope we can both learn and benefit from this site.  They have some really great resources.   

[beatup]

Hi Small,

   I think that here in this forum I do state all the facts.(as I see them) I have no fear of being judged as I might be in live conversations with those who might not have any experience with personality disorders.

[KEnsign27]

No one knows for sure if everyone is stating all the facts but I think we are all here because we are dealing with someone in our lives who we feel might have a mental disorder.  As in my case I do feel my mother is BPD, she has many of the characteristics of BPD but she has never been diagnosed.  The problem with her which I'm sure is the problem with some others is she will not go get help.  I'm here not because I feel like I'm perfect or I don't have any defects because I do, I'm here to know that I'm not alone in my battle.  I'm here to ask for advice, get help and feel like I'm on the right path in the decisions I've made for myself and my family.  I'm here to heal and stay on a healthy path in my life.

[boatingwoman]

Outside of any dealings with BPDs, I'm quite happy in my life.  I have taken a bum childhood and worked my butt off, was responsible with money, married my high school sweetheart, we built a life together, have happy kids who are well-adjusted and smart.  And my proudest accomplishment is that our home is team oriented.  We aren't a yelly house or a disrespectful or an ugly home.  We are on our family team and we help solve problems and build each other up instead of tearing down.  I teach my kids that if something unexpected happened, that

Is ok.  And bored is a necessary state of mind.  That patience is important, along with empathy and compassion.  People are humans and humans are designed to muck up certain things.  That in a vacuum is fine.  Look at what happened, figure out a better way next time.

So myself and my own personally family of orign that I helped create is a very functional, productive, successful group of people.

In other words, I can back up my assertions with facts.

So while I think you have a valid question-- you probably need to ask a board for people with BPD what they think about that question.  You might find some interesting answers there.

[KEnsign27]

Boatingwomen I feel the same way you do.  Besides the stress of dealing with my mother I'm very happy in my life.  I have two beautiful daughters and a great husband.  I'm surrounded by a great support system and honestly I couldn't be happier.  I don't look at my childhood and feel sorry for myself, I look at my childhood and realize it has made me the strong women I am today.  I have learned a lot from how my mother raised me, I learned what not to do with my own daughters.  I have to say they are happy, healthy well adjusted 9 year olds.  So I'm not on here to lie about my mother or leave information out, I'm not on here because I'm unhappy.  I am on here to learn how to cope better with her (if I decided to have contact with her again) and how to keep myself mentally healthy.  So thank you for your post boatingwomen, its good to hear that people no matter what the circumstances in their lives can turn out to be happy, well adjusted adults 

[boatingwoman]

You are welcome.

Growing up with a PwBPD is certainly a user manual of "what not to do"... .  

So in that way, they do give us direction on how we want to live our lives-- be respectful, tell the truth, support one another.