Too painful & hard to accept that it is over?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I found myself struggling with this.  There is something too hard to accept it is over after all the energies that went into this type of relationship, so I tried something new... .  

I wrote a list of 5 conditions that would have to be met by my ex in order for me to ever get back into the relationship.  The conditions are things I know he could never deliver on; however, in writing them & looking at it from this different perspective - It gives me a sense of control to this situation.  It takes the focus off of feeling defeated and provides me with a feeling of empowerment. 

It is also a reminder to myself that I have values and wants that need to be met in order for me to be happy.

It is helping me; maybe it can help some of you 

[changingme]

I found myself struggling with this.  There is something too hard to accept it is over after all the energies that went into this type of relationship, so I tried something new... .  

I wrote a list of 5 conditions that would have to be met by my ex in order for me to ever get back into the relationship.  The conditions are things I know he could never deliver on; however, in writing them & looking at it from this different perspective - It gives me a sense of control to this situation.  It takes the focus off of feeling defeated and provides me with a feeling of empowerment. 

It is also a reminder to myself that I have values and wants that need to be met in order for me to be happy.

It is helping me; maybe it can help some of you 

[Surnia]

Changingtimes



yes, it is indeed a different perspective shifting from "My rs is shattered, I am defeated" to "I have values about a rs"!

It can be good to have this in mind also for a next relationships, when ever you are ready for it. 

[laelle]

  Changingtimes

[copingwithhim]

Good for you changingtimes!

Having values makes us real.

Adhering to them makes us genuine.

CwH

[changingme]

Exactly! 

[babyducks]

changingtimes,

thank you.  the list of 5 things was/is an eye opener for me.

[hithere]

It is helping me; maybe it can help some of you

Yes! Do it!

For me I listed the deal-breakers that made it impossible to continue the relationship.  Anytime I was caught up in remembering the fantasy of what I thought we could be I would read them and come right back to reality!

[MaybeSo]

Yes, good for you. This gets you in touch with your own values, this gets you in touch with your true self.  . So important and grounding. Your relationship with yourself will reflect the relationship you have with loved ones, and you are attending to that!

[huhhuh]

It sounds like a good advise.

I am struggling with the same. I have a hard time accepting the lost. So I want to try what you write. Maybe it will help.

Thanks