Vivid Dream

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I had a very vivid dream last night about my ex. It has been 5 months NC and I am moving on and moving forward just fine. However, I still think of her often. Last night, I had such a vivid dream about her. I'm sorry if what I'm about to write is rambling... .  

In the dream, I was in a college class with her (we've never been in a class together and didn't go to the same colleges). But in the dream we were in the same class and it was a class that I always attended and she never attended although registered for it. In the dream, she finally showed up for a class and when she did, she just stared at me for the duration of the entire class. Then when class was over, she finally came up to me and told me how much she missed me and that "things aren't supposed to be like this." She was crying as she told me this and all of my classmates felt bad for her. When she told me this I didn't respond because I knew better and I left the classroom. As I was walking out of the classroom back to wherever I was going, I saw her walking out of her place having already completely changed and looking really good, heading off to somewhere else. She looked as if she was "in a zone" - off to some other (maybe another backup?) place she had to be.

I'm writing this from my office this morning, still kind of reflecting on the dream. It was so vivid and it seemed so real. And as I reflect, the dream is really a microcosm of how things would be if she ever did make an attempt to reconnect. I'd be firm in that I would not respond to her and I'm willing to bet she'd respond on the manner of "OK, onto the next one... .  " I also thought it was funny how it was in a class that I always attended and she never did, but all-of-the-sudden showed up. So true of how our relationship was before... .  I was always there like I was supposed to be and she never was, except when she needed something.

I have no idea what all this means or why I had this dream. I'm sure it means nothing. But it was so vivid. Again, sorry for the rambling... .  just thought I'd share.

[asher2]

I had a very vivid dream last night about my ex. It has been 5 months NC and I am moving on and moving forward just fine. However, I still think of her often. Last night, I had such a vivid dream about her. I'm sorry if what I'm about to write is rambling... .  

In the dream, I was in a college class with her (we've never been in a class together and didn't go to the same colleges). But in the dream we were in the same class and it was a class that I always attended and she never attended although registered for it. In the dream, she finally showed up for a class and when she did, she just stared at me for the duration of the entire class. Then when class was over, she finally came up to me and told me how much she missed me and that "things aren't supposed to be like this." She was crying as she told me this and all of my classmates felt bad for her. When she told me this I didn't respond because I knew better and I left the classroom. As I was walking out of the classroom back to wherever I was going, I saw her walking out of her place having already completely changed and looking really good, heading off to somewhere else. She looked as if she was "in a zone" - off to some other (maybe another backup?) place she had to be.

I'm writing this from my office this morning, still kind of reflecting on the dream. It was so vivid and it seemed so real. And as I reflect, the dream is really a microcosm of how things would be if she ever did make an attempt to reconnect. I'd be firm in that I would not respond to her and I'm willing to bet she'd respond on the manner of "OK, onto the next one... .  " I also thought it was funny how it was in a class that I always attended and she never did, but all-of-the-sudden showed up. So true of how our relationship was before... .  I was always there like I was supposed to be and she never was, except when she needed something.

I have no idea what all this means or why I had this dream. I'm sure it means nothing. But it was so vivid. Again, sorry for the rambling... .  just thought I'd share.

[heyhey]

I too have had dreams about my ex.  More than i would like to admit.  Some dreams we are back together, others we are splitting up again, each dream feels so real.  I believe it is because i am trying to detach and think about her way too much, so in a way that isnt detaching .  Im used to the dreams now and they dont have as much of an effect.  Ive never dreamed about an ex like i have her.  These dreams can bring strong emotions back to the surface.  From what ive read its normal to dream about intense moments in our life.  Its our brains way of some how trying to process the experience.

[lhd981]

Just had a very vivid dream about my ex - the first in a long time (NC for 11 months) - the other night. Turns out it was her birthday (I'm awful with dates and only confirmed it by checking old emails). Pretty strange.

I'm proud of you for not responding to her in your dream and "knowing better"! The fact that she changed and looked good, despite being in a "zone" are telling - was this par for the course of how she was during the relationship? Did you notice gradual or quick change with her? Did she zone out a lot? I'd be curious if there are parallels to your real life relationship; though I'm sure these would apply to what many of us here are going through.

In my dream, we were back together - she showed up at my house as she had done before to "recycle" me back after a breakup and we started talking about life and good memories. The pink elephant in the room (our horrific, traumatic breakup) was never discussed, which made me uneasy, but I let it continue. I woke up feeling ashamed; unlike you, I let her come back in - albeit reluctantly.

[Rainyren]

Im in the process of seperation with my uBPDbf. And i have been dreaming alot about him.  You know in dreams, when you hit someone, it feels slow. like running in water? Well I have been dreaming of punching him in the face and it WORKED.I felt my knuckles connect with his cheek bone.  twice i had that dream in the past week. I remember it felt soo good. I think this is my anger acting out in  my dreams. Good because god knows how much i've been holding in!

Anywho, i thought id share !

[asher2]

lhd981... .  To answer your question, if I were to try and draw parallels between that dream and our relationship, I'd guess that the changing quickly represented her being in survival mode. She changed and got herself looking good so that she could quickly move on to whoever was next for her. This is exactly what happened in our relationship.  Once we started to hit some rough spots (which is normal for any relationship), she bailed because she thought I was going to leave her. She protected herself from the perceived pain that I was going to leave her, which in actuality was not true. By the time I knew what was going on, she already had someone lined up and moved on. That's what I think the "in the zone" and changing quickly represented. But again, it was just a dream, so who knows... .