where im at.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

well its been almost two months since the break-up that occurred from her drunken rage. She ended it again. Then 3 weeks later the vulgar nasty texts messages and voice mails. I didnt repsond. A apolgy email. I didnt respond. Then she shows up at my favorite resturant. I didnt take the bait. I left for vacation didnt hear a word from her, I thought good. I can go away relaxed. Last day of vacation I get a text message telling me she hoped I had a good time. I didnt respond.

Of course every contact moves me back 2 spaces emotinally. I gald teh tetx didnt come until last day of vacation or it would have ruined it. Becasue it did upset me. But once again In still standing ground. I wished i could say it gets easier but at this point it goes up and then goes down. I look at the tetx massegse and phone calls at fishing. She just throwing out something to see if I will bite.

[mitchell16]

well its been almost two months since the break-up that occurred from her drunken rage. She ended it again. Then 3 weeks later the vulgar nasty texts messages and voice mails. I didnt repsond. A apolgy email. I didnt respond. Then she shows up at my favorite resturant. I didnt take the bait. I left for vacation didnt hear a word from her, I thought good. I can go away relaxed. Last day of vacation I get a text message telling me she hoped I had a good time. I didnt respond.

Of course every contact moves me back 2 spaces emotinally. I gald teh tetx didnt come until last day of vacation or it would have ruined it. Becasue it did upset me. But once again In still standing ground. I wished i could say it gets easier but at this point it goes up and then goes down. I look at the tetx massegse and phone calls at fishing. She just throwing out something to see if I will bite.

[Surnia]

  mitchell

I really hope you had relaxed vacations - beside the last day with her texting.

Of course every contact moves me back 2 spaces emotinally.

What happens exactly then? What kind of feelings are coming up?

[First19]

It's been a little over two months since my breakup with BPD bf.  Thank god it's also been NC for that period.  I applaud you for your strength. I'm sure texts from him would set me back as well.  I hope things get easier for you.

[healingmyheart]

mitchell,

I'm four months out and I'm still getting texts from my exBPD and I can honestly tell you that it does get easier... .  every morning I get a "I love you!" text from my exBPD.  I know he is just fishing to see if I will hook the bait.  The more I'm on this board and the longer I'm away from my ex, the easier it is to see the dysfunction.  Two months ago, it would have pulled at my heart strings.  Now, I just see it for what it is... .  a very sick man trying to feel whole and reaching out to whatever and whoever he can.  He doesn't love me and he never will... .  hang in there!

[mitchell16]

Surnia, it brings all of the sadness up. How much I miss her. How much fun we had when she was acting normal. The vaction was very hard. It was my first vacation without her. The vacation started in our favorite vacation city and I had to see all of our favorite sites. which made it very hard on me to start with. I have started dating a lady, and she is very nice and I have explained to her where im at on an emotional level which is 0. But I still miss my BPDgf and I struggle daily not to make contact. When she makes conatct which is about once every three weeks. I do pretty good when I dont see her or hear from her but every now in then it pulls at my heart. Im staying active. Going to gym, working projects. I really didnt intended to start dating so quick but at the same time my mind was like why not. I knew if I didnt when she called it would be easier for her to pull me back in. The vaction was a huge step for me.

[Surnia]

Great you could do this huge step! 

Its good to recognize your sadness. Perhaps you can try also to focus on moments when you feel good. Moments when you are not have thoughts about her.

Hang in there michell, it gets better with time! 

[Validation78]

Hi Mitchell!

What you feel is all typical! It's alright to feel sad at times, angry, confused. It's all part of the healing and grieving process. Sounds to me like you are doing all of the right things to take care of yourself, and putting your needs first. It's rough, I know, and it does get better, easier, with each passing day. Remember, you know her MO, and keeping that in the forefront of your mind will allow you not to give into her attempts to lure you back. Take care of your heart!

Best Wishes,

Val78